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Witch Weekly · May 28, 2018 – 12:15 AM

What It Takes To Be A Quidditch Player
Becoming a quidditch players is one of the least respectable career paths a young lady can pursue, yet professional quidditch trials throughout the season see a numerous members of the fairer sex make their attempt at a professional position. So, in an attempt to assist the more "athletically-inclined" ladies of our readership, Witch Weekly presents our tips on what it takes to be a quidditch player!

Sacrifices. Lots of them.

It is in a woman's biological nature to crave stability, so it's hardly imaginable that many would choose to sacrifice that in place of a career — and a temporary one at that! Women who pursue careers in quidditch should prepare for lives as a spinster (or worse, end up married and unable to produce a child, such as the ill-fated Desdemona Pettigrew).

A Desire for Reputational Damage

Some ladies may be willing to suffer the gossip of being a quidditch player, but few ever prepare for the damage that occurs as a result of the moral depreciation that accompanies the position. A well-meaning, otherwise polite young woman who enters the field can see themselves leave in ten years as drunk — or worse, find themselves fired!

One must remember that quidditch players, while often handsome and charming, are also often the least responsible of all men (why else would they pursue a unprofitable career that guarantees early retirement?). To associate with these men is not also to be exposed to their immorality, but to become susceptible to it yourself! (Such was the case for Jossima Warbeck, who found herself a drunk in the early stages of her career!)

Lacking Beauty

Women who go into quidditch are rarely the same faces who catch the gazes of eligible gentleman at high-society events. Ladies who devote themselves to a life of quidditch are certain to find themselves facing early wrinkles, tanned skin, and, in the worst cases, crippling injuries before they reach their thirties! A woman with a desire to preserve her beauty — especially if she had much to begin with — should rethink her plans.

Mrs. Desdemona Pettigrew — A sad example of the effects of quidditch on a woman's body.

Miss Jossima Warbeck — Nearing retirement and yet unmarried, how will she move forward?

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