Issue #186 - Fog Followers: Who May Triumph & Who Will Surely Die
July 1, 2018 – 3:38 PM
The Original Fake News
July 1, 2018 – 3:38 PM
The Original Fake News
| Is the fog affecting senses of propriety? With the visibility so low, the chances for people to commit crimes without being caught are quite a bit larger. One example being the death of Mrs. Georgia Whitledge. Was it an accident or was someone finally sating their urge to murder someone and had the fog as the perfect cover? One thing remains clear, whoever it was did not feel the need to even report the accident if it was one. No doubt due to the fog making them feel like they could get away with their crime!  There still seems to be no end to the mysterious fog that has been plaguing Irvingly and Hogsmeade.Murder is not the only crime that people seem to be using the fog to get away with. One woman claims that she came across two men holding hands and seemed to be interacting with one another in a romantic fashion. She could not make out their identities due to the fog but she was quite certain that they were both gentlemen! They scared her off when they noticed her but she recalls one of the men as being quite tall with a raspy voice.  Miss February Lynch has been rumored to be banned from leaving her own home.Was she truly just coming out to observe a commotion or was she using the fog to orchestrate salacious rendezvous's with men in the hopes of fixing her impending spinsterhood? One thing is very certain, Miss February Lynch had to have been up to something suspect for her mother to forbid her from even leaving her home. Are all of these cases simply people taking advantage of the fogs relative cover to get away with things that have always been their true nature or is something in the fog fogging up their sensibilities? Only time will tell as this mysterious phenomenon continues to persist in its existence. |
July 1, 2018 – 3:38 PM
The Original Fake News
Seeking a kind, clever gentleman for a good-hearted debutante of excellent character, blood and wealth! The ideal husband should be of pure blood and interested in a genuine connection with a woman who will provide him with lifelong affectionate companionship. Coming from a good family, seeking man who wishes for a family life and is open to starting a new one full of love and happiness. Man of intellectual pursuits seeks intelligent folk for lively, intellectual conversations and friendship. Gender and age do not matter overly much so long as you are of an open nature when it comes to various schools of thought. |
Intelligent debutante seeks man with equal abilities to hold a clever conversation. Multi-lingual skills preferred, as is interest in chess, literature, or dueling. The ideal candidate must be willing to overlook shyness and be more interested in an intelligent wife than a socialite. A man of excellent reputation and remarkable standing in the community seeks woman of equally good standing and pure blooded. As a man of high status in career, said woman could potentially look forward to a life of comfort and quality of life financially. A proper young woman on her second season and wishing to find a husband of intellect and kindness. |
Must enjoy the company of horses as well as accompanying potential wives to parties. Ministry man from a pureblood, middle class family is in need of a suitable bride. A woman mild in nature heavily preferred that would not mind being in the public eye. She must also be willing to overlook troublesome family members in the mans family. I am a widowed man with several children that is looking for a companion to be by my side and be a mother to my bairns. I am from a somewhat notorious family but have personally always been quite respectable save for my enjoyment of a good glass of Firewhiskey. Life with me would be a bit of an adventure so I hoping to find someone strong in nature that can handle a bit of a lively environment. |
| Happiness is just an owl away! Send a letter in with your personal advertisement or response to have it printed in the next issue. Address your letters to: Lonely Hearts, Witch Weekly. | ||
July 1, 2018 – 3:38 PM
The Original Fake News
| Fog Followers: Who May Triumph & Who Will Surely Die | |
|
With the fog "expedition" recently announced, many are speculating as to whether or not the Ministry's plan to offload the investigation onto a group of untrained amateurs has any merit to it. Will this bring a solution to the fog plague, or only needlessly hazard the lives of several citizens and keep the two towns in the dark (perhaps literally)? Can any of the members of this investigative challenge properly defend themselves from danger and harm if they are unable to use magic? One of our reporters was able to sneak a peak at the Ministry's list of volunteers, and some certainly seem more fit than others. Some of the more noteworthy additions to the roster are: Barnabas Skeeter With only one leg, many may show entirely reasonable surprise to find him engaged in this endeavor. While Mr. Skeeter does have a reputation for heroism after losing his leg during a troll attack, we suspect that he may be far less heroic without the use of his wand. After his failed bid for Minister last year, might we suggest that rather than an appetite for heroism, Mr. Skeeter may actually be a magnet for disaster? We may very well have seen the last of the controversial dueling commissioner. Tybalt Kirke Mr. Kirke plays beater for the Hogsmeade Howlers, and is still quite young at twenty-two. We suspect that his frequent practice dodging hostile objects without the use of his wand may come in handy during the upcoming investigation, and coupled with his vitality he actually seems quite likely to see the matter through to the end unscathed (or at least relatively so). Besides, Mr. Kirke has that sort of charm which seems to bring him good luck and good spirits despite his rather questionable career as a Quidditch player; hopefully that luck will hold out! Edric Umbridge While we aren't exactly expecting him to die, it is rather suspicious that the recently promoted Head Auror apparently has nothing better to do with his time than join a team of amateur investigators on an issue he could very well have been investigating this entire time. We believe it's quite obvious that Mr. Umbridge only signed onboard in order to avoid his professional work at the Ministry — and potentially to have a good excuse to disappear for a few hours at a time with a certain young lady! Somersby Fudge Barely able to legally sign on to the expedition, Mr. Fudge is still approaching his final year of Hogwarts — though we highly doubt he will make it there. Being young, durable, and charismatic only carries one so far, and we suspect Mr. Fudge will soon be joining his father in a ghostly duet at the Sandition Resort. |
Odette & Mireille Lécuyer What Mr. Lécuyer was thinking when he allowed his teenage daughters (who have still not even debuted and can therefore hardly even be considered adults in their own right) to volunteer for such a foolhardy expedition is beyond comprehension. The chances of the Misses Lécuyer returning alive are almost insignificant, and the chance of returning with their virtue intact, after spending who knows how long in the fog-shrouded company of a group of fortune-seeking men, is even slimmer. Perhaps Mr. Lécuyer intended to chaperone his daughters himself (as he has also signed on), but as the Ministry is drawing up the groups at random it seems far more likely that the family will be separated and at least one of his daughters either killed or ruined forever! Kentigern MacFusty Doubtless exactly the sort of volunteer the Minister had in mind when proposing this scheme, Mr. MacFusty's physical prowess and experience will likely be enough to keep him out of harm's way even without the use of magic, and his position of authority within the Ministry means he may have the intellectual capacity to actually do something about the fog. We rate his chances of survival at 10/10. Cupcake Whitledge Like Miss Lécuyer, Miss Whitledge has no relevant skills to speak of and is entirely likely to be either killed or ruined by this foolhardy expedition. One can only surmise that this is what becomes of young ladies who have no good role models in their lives (as her brother can hardly be said to be setting his siblings any sort of example at all, except that of a drunkard), or perhaps that being idiotic runs deep in the Whitledge family blood (which, given their unusual names, may not be much of a stretch). Violet Wiltingham Although a formidable witch with a wand, Madam Wiltingham may find herself sorely outmatched without magic at her disposal, and given her advanced age, we feel she can contribute very little of value to the expedition. While her mind may be as sharp as ever, her brittle skin and bones are likely to give way at the first sign of inconvenience, meaning Headmaster Black may be on the lookout for a new transfiguration professor before the summer is out. Maeve Connolly Although we would hardly encourage any of our readers to follow Miss Connolly's lead in pursing a career in law enforcement, the fact that she has done so (and done so successfully) shows a tenacity and drive which will make her, if nothing else, probably quite resilient to unexpected death. Whether she is of any actual use without magic remains to be seen, but we suspect she will, at least, survive; much like a beetle which is difficult to be crushed underfoot. |
July 1, 2018 – 3:39 PM
The Original Fake News
|
Miss Nathalie Jennings has been terribly unlucky in love; perhaps Mr. Clifford Goyle is just what she needs! | Heard Around Town! "I heard Mrs. Ophelia Devine was spotted in the Hog's Head talking to a man! There must be trouble, seeing as her husband is in Ireland..." "Miss Nathalie Jennings and Mr. Clifford Goyle tended to a patient together at the hospital! I heard that they have chemistry, do you think the two healers will find love?" "Mr. Elias Grimstone has been seen with an assortment of women lately, including Miss Tessa Darrow and Miss Tilda MacFusty. Do you think that he's finally looking for a wife? It would be a shame for a man so skilled to have been permanently burned by his entanglement with the former Miss Asperhand." "Our sources suggest that Miss Avril Lukeson, newly seventeen, is participating in the expedition in order to prove to her guardian that she is just as capable of using magic as a man is! Given her family's recent tragedies, we're not sure it'll go so well for her..." "Mr. Jameson Jewell was spotted entering the Florist Potts during the fog! Do you think he was going there for a secret rendezvous with one of the Potts girls - or to buy flowers for another girl who's caught his eye? Once could describe him as mysterious, after all, so it's not entirely unexpected!" |
Miss Avril Lukeson has lost both of her parents in the past year. Mr. Jameson Jewell is co-manager of Jewell Magica Distilleries. |
July 1, 2018 – 3:39 PM
The Original Fake News
View a Printable Version
Users browsing this thread: 3 Guest(s)
Charmingrp.com was designed with ❤ by Shanté and coded by Olive
Powered By MyBB, © 2002-2025 MyBB Group.
Powered By MyBB, © 2002-2025 MyBB Group.