Issue #189 - Homeschooling: The Necessary Alternative to Hogwarts
July 22, 2018 – 2:34 PM
The Original Fake News
July 22, 2018 – 2:35 PM
The Original Fake News
| Magic-Free Fashion Tips Does the lack of magical aid have you feeling like a hag when you leave the house? Worry no longer — follow our fashion tips to look your best even without the use of your wand. Add Color to Your Lips Those of us used to charms to improve complexion or the subtle use of long-lasting potions to improve the rosy look of the lips may feel that the fog has left our faces rather flat. If you suffer from this common ailment, use the next time you bathe as an opportunity to scrub at your lips with an abrasive sponge or other rough surface. Removing extra layers of skin will allow your natural blood flow to add more color to your lips. You can also bite or chew at your lips throughout the day to add color — though do be careful only to do so when no gentleman are watching! Achieve Voluminous Hairstyles If your lady's maid is accustomed to using magic to help her through her day, you may have found your hair styles rather lackluster since the fog set in. Follow the example of Muggle women and use extra items on the interior of the hair to add volume. An easy trick is to take a rolled up stocking and mold it into the form you desire your hair to take, then simply have your maid pin your own hair around the preexisting form until it is entirely hidden. For more elegant styles, wire cages or specially designed structures (available through owl order) can be used. The Muggle's Color-Changing Charms If you are used to making frequent use of color-changing charms to disguise a small wardrobe, there is no need to show your hand now. Temporary fabric dyes can be used to change the color of nearly any item of clothing, and can be washed out with the laundry. Dying and drying will necessarily take at least a day and possibly longer, so be sure to plan ahead. Instruct the laundrywoman, also, not to wash the dyed clothes with anything else, or you may accidentally end up dying your entire family's wardrobe! Chase off Lice and other Infestations Lack of banishing spells have your skin crawling? The use of heavy fragrances may act as a repellent for small infestations such as lice or ticks. Unfortunately, most of the scents in question are also odious to human noses, so be sure to budget out a day to 'de-fumigate' before you are expecting company. Leave The Fancy Work Until After The Fog If you were just dying to try a new charm on your dress that cannot be safely performed without the use of magic, it's best to leave it be until the fog has cleared. Most people aren't hosting much in the way of events at this time of year, anyway, with the community divided and the inconvenience of traveling the Muggle way making it difficult to even assemble a good portion of Hogsmeade in one hall. Keep the fire-lit gowns for the future, when they can be truly appreciated — otherwise you may end up literally dying to try them. |
 Even a blemished complexion is improved by a healthy contrast with the lips. Virtually any style can be achieved with creativity and perseverance. This rather gaudy dress could be dyed emerald green, sapphire blue, and deep purple to become in essence three more tasteful gowns. |
July 22, 2018 – 2:35 PM
The Original Fake News
| Everyday Ailment Cures for Your Children For some, children may be seen as the jewels of our eyes, unable to be seen in a negative light for much too long. For others, this feeling may be dimmed by their actions or perhaps inability to adhere to their set of manners and proper appearances. Whatever the case, children suffer from various maladies from time to time and taking them to be treated isn't often accessible or affordable, not to mention safe. For these reasons, we have concocted a list of various cures you may try from the comfort of your own home that will surely aid your ill-stricken in a timely and efficient manner! 1.) Stomach Upsets. One of the most predominant cures for stomach upsets includes an invention from our earliest of ancestors: gunpowder. Although this may sound unorthodox, taking a pinch of gunpowder and mixing it with a class of warm, soapy water or milk can do the trick! You may also try this with a cup of tea, however due to the drink's composition, you may need to add a few more pinches of the special substance. 2.) Bee or Wasp Stings. These pesky insects often get in our way. We may be able to take the pain, but for our children this may be a different story. One way to get rid of the insects entirely would be to spray your surroundings and self with lemon juice (avoid the eyes!). The smell of citrus will repel the flying vermin. If you are reading this tip after an encounter however, try rubbing ammonia or slices of bread soaked in melted butter on the affected area. 3.) Teething Pain. What is more painful about your child teething? The incessant crying, or the amount of objects in your household with saliva on them? Both seem rather annoying, so to prevent the pain accompanied by teething, try tying a dead mole around the child's neck. This method has proven to work among a large population of newly teething children. 4.) Ear Aches. Besides tooth aches, what can be one of the more annoying ailments on this list? That's right, ear aches. At times, an ear ache can be rather debilitating, especially for a child. What has shown to assist in easing the pain of an ear ache is heat, which is why it is suggested that one puts a ready-cooked baked potato on the ear to distribute the temperature accordingly. 5.) Fighting Regular Illnesses. Your everyday household items can certainly work to prevent and cure your most standard illness. Some of the greatest cures include doses of mercury, arsenic, iron or phosphorus. If your child is particularly strong of heart, try combining all of these ingredients in to one all-curing "potion"! 6.) Whooping Cough. One of the sole methods to remedy whooping cough is to have your husband take the child to a field at sunset and gently hold the child's head in a hole. The position of the child in this case can prevent the cough, as well as the nutrients from the dirt if inhaled. 7.) Runny Nose. Don't throw away your moldy socks! This one item has proven extremely beneficial for reducing the symptoms of a runny nose. If you do not have one of these, try using several teaspoons full of wet salt. The larger the granule, the better! We hope all of these helpful tips and tricks assist you in caring for your child! If you have any questions, comments or concerns about our list, make sure to write in to Witch Weekly so we can read them! If you have a suggestion of your own, please attach it! |
 Try hanging the mole in a down-facing direction for the best results. An example of a pair of socks you can use to prevent a runny nose. Try using an older pair to not be wasteful! |
July 22, 2018 – 2:36 PM
The Original Fake News
| Homeschooling: The Necessary Alternative to Hogwarts | |
| With the fog showing no signs of relenting, many parents have begun to ask whether Hogwarts will eve be an option come September. While sending children out of the country to attend foreign schools is an option available to better-off families, families from humble backgrounds or with many children attending school might find themselves considering the next-best option: homeschooling. Homeschooling usually involved a paid tutor—usually NEWT-educated adults from humble backgrounds—coming into a family’s home to educate their children on the same subjects they might receive at Hogwarts. This undoubtedly has its own pros and cons, and Witch Weekly is here to tell you all about them! Pro: A Customized Education There are undoubtedly some Hogwarts subjects that some parents might find less useful for their children. For instance, Astronomy might prove educational, but in most careers—including high-paid Ministry positions, healing jobs, and curse-breaking—have little need for such a course in its employees’ educations. Homeschooling allows parents to pick and choose the courses that will best fit their children's’ needs. Pro: Keeping the Kids Close to Home |
While a mother might find herself living with her sons until he marries, she might find her daughters married off their first summer after Hogwarts! With seven years of formal education that takes up the majority of the year, mothers might find themselves with only memories of their children in their younger years to cherish! Con: No OWL or NEWT Examinations According to the Wizarding Examinations Authority, OWL and NEWT examinations must be taken at an approved location, which is Hogwarts for wizards and witches living in the British Isles. Assuming Hogwarts would be entirely out of commission for the next decade, it’s safe to assume that a replacement location would be created to allow the next generation of witches and wizards to receive the scores necessary to pursue certain career tracks. However, that is not yet a given, and for some parents the uncertainty may prove detrimental in their decision-making. Homeschooling, while certainly a viable option, is nothing compared to Hogwarts. We here at Witch Weekly sincerely hope the Ministry finds a solution to the foggy problem within the next month so its citizens are not forced to seek alternative accommodations! |
July 22, 2018 – 2:36 PM
The Original Fake News
| Are you in sound need of advice? Write in to Miss Harmony Aidsworth at Witch Weekly and get just want you need from our resident advice giver! | Advice From Harmony Aidsworth Dear Miss Harmony Aidworth, With the fog covering Hogsmeade and Irvingly, the season has not been a very good one. I am desperate for my daughter to be married off as I fear she might end up like Miss Annabelle Scrimgeour if she is left without the proper guidance of a husband for too long! She has already begun speaking of getting a job like she is some common serving wench! There is nothing wrong with women working if they need to but our family is very much not the sort that needs to have their womenfolk resort to such things! What can I do to both improve her prospects and keep her from doing something rash like finding employment? Sincerely, Mrs. Old-fashioned Dear Mrs. Old-fashioned, The fog has put quite the damper on any social events that might have occurred within Hogsmeade, that is for certain! I am sure your daughter is only speaking of getting a job out of boredom or perhaps, she feels it would be a better way to meet potential matches given the lack of social events. Maybe you could take it upon yourself to throw one yourself! A dinner party within your own home with invites to the men you think might be ideal for your daughter with parlor games for entertainment could do the trick! I would also suggest that you try and find hobbies for your daughter to partake in at home so that she doesn't have to go searching for excitement beyond the walls of your home. Sincerely, Miss Harmony Aidsworth Dear Miss Aidsworth, The fog has been definitely troubling. The lack of magic has meant that my beau has come to call and seen me sans beauty charms and potions for the very first time in our courtship! And now he claims to not recognize me at all. At first, I thought that he was having a laugh but it seems that he is being quite serious! He is convinced that I am some charlatan seeking to take over my own life. He will not believe me no matter what I say! What can I do to convince him that I am the very woman that he has been declaring missing to anyone that listens to him? My parents have tried to convince him but he insists that they are also charlatans because both my parents look their actual age instead of the age they made themselves through use of magic! You must help us! Miss I Am Not My Own Imposter Dear Miss I Am Not My Own Imposter, My, that is quite the conundrum! The fact that he can't recognize any of you sans magic is quite puzzling. Have you tried telling him things that only the lot of you would know? Perhaps try and write to him through correspondence? How you look would not alter the tone and way you speak in letters, after all! Perhaps have a chaperoned meeting with him where your face is obscured so that he can recognize your voice and inform him of what has happened. And if magic returns, I would recommend not changing your appearance so drastically in the future. Sincerely, Miss Harmony Aidsworth |
July 22, 2018 – 2:36 PM
The Original Fake News
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