Issue #224 - Out With A Bang: The (Last) Best Parties of 1889
January 6, 2020 – 2:12 AM
The Original Fake News
January 6, 2020 – 2:13 AM
The Original Fake News
| 5 Tips For The New Year! 1. Resolutions With the beginning of every new year it customary for many to decide upon ways in which they can improve themselves. Striving for improvement is always an admirable thing to do and starting the new decade off with such intentions is no exception! However, it is best to set goals that are realistic and attainable, rather than setting yourself up for failure. Make resolutions such as to be more charitable, to treat your friends and relatives more kindly, to be more generous, to avoid frequent overindulgence, to improve - not master! - a skill.  Don't allow yourself to become like this woeful woman!Anyone who has ever experienced the month of January knows it is without a doubt the most miserable month of them all. As the start of a new year and a new decade the month should be full of optimism rather than widespread melancholia. Fight back against the January blues! If everyone pushes through the glumness of the month then it shan't be glum at all. All you need for a happy January is to approach it with a positive attitude! 3. Muggle Fashion Ignore it! We don't need a Seer to see see where this is headed and we urge you not to act the sheep and follow suit. It seems quite possible, if not likely, that someone has cast a discreet befuddlement charm on the muggle fashion houses and the result is mutton sleeves. Readers, the sleeves of their gowns are growing and unless one has unfeminine muscular arms to hide then they are a blight upon the world of fashion. This is one bandwagon you want to miss! 1890 need not be the year your fashion sense requires a funeral, ladies!  Be fashion forward!Ridiculous sleeves will not be fashionable in our superior, wizarding society, but you will be on the right side of fashion history when you invest in purple garments. You may already have noticed that your local haberdasher has more mauve in their selection than this time last year. Mauve is on the up! Purples are an immensely forgiving color that ladies of any complexion or hair color can pull off which coupled with its beauty and regal connotations is surely why it's gaining popularity. 5. Change With the dawn of a new decade it will inevitably bring with it a great deal of change. Those old enough to remember 1879 well can vouch for the vast number of innovation and changes that took place. Hogsmeade, for one, although established really blossomed over the last decade. Our very own publication came about last decade! Celebrate every moment and look to change with an open mind; before you know it'll be the dawn of a new century. |
January 6, 2020 – 2:13 AM
The Original Fake News
10 Facts About Fitzroy Prewett With every new year comes the reminder of what's to come in the months that follows: Hogwarts graduation, debutante balls, and nights of dancing and mingling with potential husbands! There are many eligible bachelors but even more eligible ladies, which is why it's important to know your target before the season strikes. Today we're showcasing one of the most eligible (and handsome!) bachelors of the upcoming season with ten facts about Fitzroy Prewett!1. At twenty-nine-years-old, he's one of the youngest department heads! The Department of Magical Game and Sports may not seem like the most serious of all Ministry departments, but its head reaps the same benefits as all the others: salary, respectability, and political connections. Besides, who hasn't dreamed of marrying a politico? 2. He's a widower. His late wife, Mrs. Liliana née Carrow, was as beautiful and wealthy as they come, but any ladies vying for his heart need not worry—the union brought no children. A gentleman as handsome and smart as Mr. Prewett surely deserves a second chance at happiness! 3. He has a twin brother. To all the ladies whose excitement just grew tenfold by their expanded prospects: tread carefully. Unlike his Ministry-employed brother, Mr. Felix Prewett career is far less lucrative. As a columnist for the Daily Prophet (a shame, really!), Mr. Prewett could do to wait a few years before seeking a bride. 4. He was in Slytherin. It's a common fact that many politicans come from Slytherin house, and Mr. Prewett is no exception. He's said to have been a popular student, and served as Slytherin quidditch captain on top of that! 5. He played quidditch professionally. Perfect for the ladies who dream of a quidditch-playing husband without the quidditch-playing lifestyle, Mr. Prewett played professionally for Puddlemere United and the Cannons before sensibly retiring in 1886. 6. He went to prison! Don't panic—he and his friends, who were accused of playing an illegal game, were released soon after and no official charges were ever pressed. 7. He has six siblings! Apart from his twin brother, he has one older brother, one elder sister, two younger sisters, and one younger brother. Between his siblings, he also has seven nieces and nephews. We can assure you that Prewett family dinners are no small events, so any debutante looking to catch his eye should be well-versed in small talk. 8. Born on February 23rd, Mr. Prewett is a Pisces! Pisces men are frequently described as "friendly, artistic, and intuitive", but greatly dislike anyone trying to assert themselves as their moral superiors. One of their biggest pet peeves? Know-it-alls and bossy women! Make sure you didn't inherit your mother's nagging trait before trying to win his heart! 9. His wand is made of willow wood! Willow wands are rumored to choose those with great potential! Considering his start as a beater on Puddlemere, we're sure no mistakes were made! 10. His mother is Harriet Prewett. You need to know this—she's rumored to be an intimidating force, and one that's very protective over her children! |
January 6, 2020 – 2:14 AM
The Original Fake News
| Out With A Bang: The (Last) Best Parties of 1889 There was no better opportunity to celebrate than in sending off the old year and ringing in a new decade (and with the Ministry closed after the candle-lighting, certainly no excuse for non-attendance at such events!) — but in case you missed them, here is a round-up of all you need to know!  Will Antigone Lestrange continue to impress us next year?Other highlights include the party hosted by the Zabini sisters, which had quite the pleasing turnout of society names, and what better atmosphere to dance under than the constellations? A nice touch indeed to see oneself set amongst the stars, and we suspect that more than one match was made that night. (We should feel pity for the poor soul unceremoniously soaked by a whole tray of champagne... if it had not been at the hands of the charming Mr. Fitzroy Prewett!) The Bad Every celebration at the Sanditon is a joyous one, and the Seafoam Soiree was certainly no exception — but for a little too much punch drunk as the evening wore on, for we at Witch Weekly heard a few too many reports of a guest getting a little too friendly with the resident siren.  Where is Captain Darrow off to next?The Blackwoods’ Boxing Day Hunt is equally a staple of the season, and most was carried off without a hitch, despite the overwhelming quidditch crowd. Perhaps an oversight, too, to have professional beaters on as grooms and dog-handlers: there were certainly eyewitnesses to the fact that at least one of the beaters recruited didn’t know a horse’s head from its hind! Lastly, Captain J. Alfred Darrow’s party aboard deck of the Ophelia was perfectly pleasant in all respects, that is true — but the fundraising opportunity on the ship engenders the suspicion he has another imminent voyage on the horizon. This is especially disappointing, as we at Witch Weekly had been hoping the next adventure the dashing captain would embark upon would be a romantic courtship! But perhaps he will return to British shores with a beautiful foreign bride in hand?  And what, exactly, was Mrs. Beck thinking?Complaints galore for Mrs. Earth Beck’s ill-judged end of the year celebration, however. Whilst we are missing a few well-loved socialites who have retreated into the last stages of their confinement (best wishes to those ladies!), Mrs. Beck was having none of it. It might be a feat to host a party while heavily pregnant, but no one wishes to see someone the size of a beached whale trussed up in party-clothes, and as we heard it, her guests narrowly escaped having to endure witnessing the birth itself! Someone ought to remind the church-going Mrs. Beck that there is only one baby’s birth that one is meant to care about during the Christmas season, and it is undoubtedly not hers. |
January 6, 2020 – 2:14 AM
The Original Fake News
| New Horoscopes for a New Year! | ||
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