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Issue #247 - Interview With A Vampires Wife
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The Further Adventures of Guinevere Lukeson
Our readers will doubtless already be aware of recent events involving the late (undead) Mrs. Avril Nott. Since Halloween has passed and with it the time for dwelling on ghoulish news, we do not intend to recount those events, but rather to draw attention to the reaction of the woman's mother, Mrs. Guinevere Lukeson. Or should we say lack of reaction? No one has seen the widow since the news broke.

This is not the first time the woman has disappeared at a critical moment; she was infamously declared dead for over a year before rejoining society. She had, apparently, been kidnapped — but given her behavior since, we doubt she was kidnapped from home. It seems far noire likely Mrs. Lukeson was off on her own — indulging in alcoholism, carrying on a covert affair with a much younger man, or engaging in illegal dark magic rituals are our best guesses — when she was kidnapped, or pretended to be.

The truth is that Mrs. Lukeson is a woman who is not capable of much. At the slightest sign of turmoil, she crumbles and flees from scrutiny. And her family has given her no shortage of turmoil, from her daughter's latest troubles to her son's impetuous marriage and impulsiveness with the family fortune. Perhaps if she had spent more time parenting them and less time gallivanting around the country avoiding her duties to her children and to society, they would be made of sturdier stuff and less likely to continually disappoint — but as she seems keen to disappear at the first sign of trouble it seems likely this will become a continual cycle. Hopefully if Mr. Lukeson remarries he can obtain a stepmother for his child with a little more spine than the rest of the family.

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Hoping to marry one of the Prewett boys? You'd better make a good impression on their mother first! Everything You Need to Know About Harriet Prewett
A lifelong socialite, Mrs. Prewett has been through her shares of scandals and triumphs; but with all of her sons eligible for marriage, she's certainly a socialite that every potential bride should know about!

1. Mrs. Prewett is a widow. Her husband, Mr. Gideon Prewett, was accused of being a dark wizard following his death, only to be vindicated by their eldest son, Auror Faustus Prewett, after a lengthy investigation.

2. Despite her age, Mrs. Prewett is said to enjoy physical activities such as dancing a riding! Any young lady vying her one of her sons' hearts should be ready to spend time with her playing lawn games and taking trips to the stables.

3. Most of her sons work in the Ministry. Mr. Faustus Prewett, her eldest, is the head of the Auror Office; her second-eldest, Mr. Fitzroy Prewett, leads the Department of Magical Games and Sports; and her youngest, Mr. Frederick Prewett, works in the Improper Use of Magic Office.

4. Her sister is Mrs. Hermione Longbottom, making her the aunt to Mrs. Rufina Mulciber, Mrs. Annabelle Bones, and Mr. Beckett Longbottom among others.

5. One of her daughters married a muggleborn, so it's safe to say that it's not only pure-blooded ladies who can hope to find themselves the next addition to the Prewett family!

6. Mrs. Prewett is said to have a love of playing matchmaker, even outside her own children!


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Interview With A Vampires Wife
Vampires are among our most discriminated and looked down upon fellow beings thanks to their need to drink blood and other facts about them. And yet that does not stop people from sometimes marrying them. Witch Weekly caught up with one such woman and conducted this interview. It is surely quite the insight into the sort of person that would abandon all common sense and marry a vampire.

Vampires tend to be oddly skilled at seduction despite their appearance.

How did you meet your husband?
In a maze at a Halloween themes society function, fittingly enough. He was a friend of the host was what he had told me at the time. We hit it off right away and danced most of the night together. It caused a bit of gossip about me even before I realized he was a vampire.

When did you realize that he was a vampire?
It took me quite a while, actually. We never met during sunny days and despite his alleged connections to people I spoke about, no one really knew who he was beyond his name. I only realized it when I noticed his reaction to an injury I ended up having during one of our outings.

How did he court you? Was it any different than a normal suitor?

The main difference was that we could only meet at night. Other suitors would take me to the park and go on the paddle boats or feed the ducks. But as we only went to the park at night, we were unable to do that.
How do you deal with the fact that your husband needs blood to survive?
I try not to think about it and he does not tell me where he gets his blood from. I have always assumed it was from the Ministry since he is a known vampire now.

Do you ever worry that he might turn on you?
No, not really. I know he loves me deeply. I just have to be very careful not to bleed around him because he says my blood smells a lot better than anything he has had in the past. But it does not mean he sees me as prey.

How did you both react to the half-breed ban that occurred at Hogwarts a couple years back?
We have yet to have children that are old enough to go to Hogwarts so thankfully it did not cause too much worry. We made plans to homeschool the children when they became old enough if it hadn't been lifted by then. We did find it a little unfair though, especially with the rumor being that the cause was a half-veela rather than a half-vampire, half-goblin and the like.

What is society life like for you now?
It is a lot different than what it was before I became involved with him and he became widely known as being a vampire. We are unwelcome at most events and a lot of my friends disowned me as well as my family so I tend to be at home a lot. I was always a social creature so this has been one of the biggest tolls on me.

Do you have any regrets about forgoing a proper, married life?
I would never say this to my husband but since I was promise that this would be anonymous... I miss being able to go to whatever society event I want. Now, I have to take whatever I can get due to our low reputation as a vampire and his wife. Which means I am sometimes at parties with people of questionable character which I dislike.

And there you have it, the thoughts and opinions of a woman that married a vampire. It is pretty clear that doing so would mean saying goodbye to any meaningful life. Definitely a cautionary tale for women.


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The latest edition of the wizarding world’s best wit, wisdom, weirdness and woe — all overheard by you! “Who Said That...?” Quotes From The Wizarding World
“I do not suppose Mr. C— is that unable to provide for his family that you need to walk other people's dogs, Mrs. C—?”

“And now my grandmother has me worried that I'm being strange, and I don't want to disappoint them by being anything less than normal.”

“I rarely forget a face and, if I am honest, mine is rarely forgotten.”

“I don't mind if you do it if you really think you know what you're doing. I don't want to die yet.”

“I don’t think I will ever lose my sense of astonishment at just how long a meal can be made to last when people really put their minds to it.”

“You've got quite the wand to grow into.”

“I take it she doesn't know anything ever happened between us or our reunion would have been more strained that it already was.”

“Do you think anyone will notice if I loosen my corset a bit? I feel so heavy all of a sudden!”

“Remove your hand before I think you've mistaken me for someone more susceptible to your... enticements.”

“It’s fine! We all start off like drunken demiguises.”

COULD IT HAVE BEEN... ANGELICA VORONA, WALLACE MURPHY, DAFFODIL POTTS, ROYAL PYRITES, ELIAS GRIMSTONE, HAMISH DARROW, MARIANNE FINCH, FLORA MULCIBER, MIKAIL KARIM, FAUSTUS PREWETT, ODINA HILL, GIDEON OLLIVANDER OR CECILY GALLIVAN?*
*note: not all of these names have been quoted!


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