Juniper: I don’t sweat.
New Lady’s Maid: Everyone sweats...?
Andrew: Not Juniper. She never sweats.
New Lady’s Maid: What do you mean “she never sweats”?
Juniper: Sweating is gross, so I don’t do it.

Claire: Candles are how we keep fires as pets.
Flora: This is unnecessarily adorable.

Sweetie: There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Sweetie Whitledge way.
Honey: Isn’t that the wrong way?
Sweetie: Yeah, but it’s faster.

Handsome: I intend to get as far away from this place as possible.
Sweetie: Oh, Santa got my letter!

Claire: The word “fear” is not in my vocabulary!
Carius: Perhaps not, but it’s in your eyes.

Flora: *looking toward Claire* Have you ever just looked at someone and imagined holding their head underwater?
Random Friend: …
Flora: Yeah. Me either…

The following 1 user Likes Acacia Darlington's post:1 user Likes Acacia Darlington's post
   Dionisia Fisk

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Magic by Elaine!

hi this is so Monty Morales

Monty: Hm, my criminal record? Only illegal thing I’ve done is having KILLER looks.
Ha, just kidding, I’ve also murdered a man.

The following 3 users Like Elias Grimstone's post:3 users Like Elias Grimstone's post
   Armel Koch, Marlena Scamander, Roberto Devine

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look ANOTHER beautiful bee!set <3

Diligent whenever Ari Fisk asks him to do anything:

The following 1 user Likes Diligent Six Oswald's post:1 user Likes Diligent Six Oswald's post
   Ari Fisk

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“He believed he could
but he was really tired
so he didn't.”

Hi, is this an actual trisnie text exchange?

The following 1 user Likes Roberto Devine's post:1 user Likes Roberto Devine's post
   Edric Umbridge

Immie: I just want a bar where it's not very loud, the drinks are cheap, and there aren't any other people.
Mac: So you want to drink at home, then?
Immie: That sounds perfect.

The following 1 user Likes Imogen MacFusty's post:1 user Likes Imogen MacFusty's post
   Cassius Lestrange

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Please send all alerts to Imogen MacFusty, thank you! <3

graphics made by the talented MJ

Bella Scrimgeour: Hey, do you wanna bang?
Bella: I mean - hang?
Bella: [laughs nervously] Damn autocorrect.
James MacFusty: Bella, this is a verbal conversation.

The following 6 users Like Imogen MacFusty's post:6 users Like Imogen MacFusty's post
   Acacia Darlington, Avril Lukeson, Cassius Lestrange, Edric Umbridge, Fortuna Bixby, Quincey Honeyduke

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Please send all alerts to Imogen MacFusty, thank you! <3

graphics made by the talented MJ

jk if life weren't all angst, maybe

Kieran: Hey guess what this jumper is made out of
Jude: Boyfriend material?
Kieran: [rolls eyes] No, it's 100% wool
Kieran: I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing

Unrelated but once for Halloween I dressed as a wolf in sheep's clothing and my costume and concept were both A+ if I do say so myself. Totally lost on the drunk people I partied with, who kept asking if I was a sexy Panda.

The following 3 users Like Ophelia Devine's post:3 users Like Ophelia Devine's post
   Armel Koch, Avril Lukeson, Cassius Lestrange

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Regina *bad at flirting*: I really like your name.
Richard *equally as bad at flirting*: thanks I got it for my birthday.

Castor: Have you been up all night?
Henrietta *after trying to find clues on her brother’s whereabouts all night*: Is it morning?
Castor: Yes...
Henrietta: Then I've been up all night.

Andrew: On a scale of one to ten, you’re a nine, because I’m the one you need.
Juniper: I’m a ten.
Andrew: No, Juniper, it’s a pickup li-
Juniper: I. Am. A. Ten.

Cora: I'll go with you.
Bella: I can't risk someone I care about getting hurt.
Regina: I'll go.
Bella: Okay.

Handsome: I'd invite you in but my place is a mess.
Sweetie: That's OK. I don't mind.
Handsome: The mess though.
Sweetie: Don't be silly.
Handsome: I don't want you in my house.

The following 3 users Like Acacia Darlington's post:3 users Like Acacia Darlington's post
   Armel Koch, Edric Umbridge, Roberto Devine

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Magic by Elaine!

Monty MoralesDear friends, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed.

Jude Wright : Why do I have to be the bad guy?
Esteban Zavala : I don’t know. Why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

Monty: I don’t dress to impress. I dress to depress. I wanna look so good people hate themselves.

Domhnall Connolly : Always stay positive!
Domhnall: [falls down a flight of stairs]
Domhnall: Wow, I got down those stairs so fast!

Richard Gladstone : Honey bun?
Regina Lacey : Yes?
Richard: *blushing* I meant, would you like one?
Regina: *blushing* Oh. Yeah, sure. Sugar?
Richard: Yes?
Regina: *blushing harder* I just meant, would you like some in your coffee?
Richard: *further embarrassed* Oh. Yeah, sure.
Both: *flustered*
Avril Lukeson : *from a distance* Even I am getting embarrassed from watching them.
A mutual Avril/Regina friend: I think I know what you mean.
Avril Lukeson: Should we like help them?

The following 2 users Like Richard Gladstone's post:2 users Like Richard Gladstone's post
   Armel Koch, Avril Lukeson

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graphics by Lady!

Regina: Richard kissed me!!
Avril: *gasps* NO!
Another Friend: *squeals* Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
Regina: It’s unbelievable.
Friend: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
Avril: Okay, okay, we wanna hear everything. [Friend], get the wine and unplug the phone. Regina, does this end well or do we need tissues?
Regina: Oh it ended veeeery well.
Friend: *running with the wine glasses* Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
Avril: Alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips, or was it like, a y'know, “I gotta have you now” kinda thing?
Regina: Well, at first it was really intense, y'know, and then… Oh god, and then we just sorta sunk into it…
Avril and Friend: *squealing* Aaaaawwwww!
[Scene changes to Richard and Buddy casually eating pizza around the table]
Richard: And uh, and then I kissed her.
Buddy: Tongue?
Richard: Yeah.
Buddy: Cool.

Chrysanta, carrying a large box: What would you do if I came home with, um, ten more puppies?
Acacia: What's in the box?
Chrysanta: ...
Acacia: Chrysanta, what's in the box?
Chrysanta: I think you know.

Richard: Why me?
Regina: Because people like you! You're quiet. You say "excuse me." You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning.

Juniper: Where’s our daughter?
Andrew: She went out.
Juniper: She’s grounded!
Andrew: .....are they not allowed out when they’re grounded?

The following 1 user Likes Acacia Darlington's post:1 user Likes Acacia Darlington's post
   Armel Koch

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Magic by Elaine!

James MacFusty: The first time we met, we hated each other.
Bella: No, I didn't hate you, you hated me.

Bella: I’ve come to offer you some friendly advice about Richard.
Regina Lacey: Bella, I really don’t want your advice.
Bella: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

Imogen MacFusty: What’s the worst decision you’ve made while you were drunk?
Bella: Don’t mean to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

The following 2 users Like Bella Scrimgeour's post:2 users Like Bella Scrimgeour's post
   Armel Koch, Imogen MacFusty

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— MJ is MAGICAL —

Regina: Were you dropped on your head as a child?!
Bella: Bold of you to assume I was held.
Everyone: ...
Regina: Oh, Bella...

Edric (hyperventilating): 911? Yeah, my wife is going into labor.
911 Operator: Is this her first child?
Edric: ...
February: Don't you DARE-
Edric: NO, THIS IS HER HUSBAND

Regina to Bella: I'm sorry for apologizing via howler.

Camille: Sisse, how do I get revenge on those who have wronged me?
Sisse: The best revenge is letting go and living well.
Camille: ...
Camille: Holly, how do I get-
Holly: Stab. Eliminate. Destroy.

Katherine: The human body is 70% water. So we are basically just cucumbers with anxiety.
Handsome: Excuse me, with the amount of alcohol and salt that I consume, I'm more like an anxiety pickle.

Holly: A peaceful walk in the woods really relaxes me the fact that I’m dragging a body should be irrelevant.

Aubrey talking to himself: *frustrasted* just f*ckin talking, you stupid idiot, what's your problem?

Sweetie: I like that we say "Oh, man" to express disappointment. Because men, in fact, are disappointing.

The following 1 user Likes Acacia Darlington's post:1 user Likes Acacia Darlington's post
   Katherine Midford

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Magic by Elaine!

Monty: The only straight I am is straight up bitch.

  

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magic by mj

This is not exactly an incorrect quote but is legitimately the MOST ARI THING EVER. I haven't been able to find the original for myself but it is from this tumblr post, apparently written by a jewish gay poet in the 13th century:

the poet is rabbi yehuda al-harizi/judah ben solomon harizi! it’s from his book of taḥkemoni iirc, and the quote is “if Moses had seen the way my friend’s face blushes when he’s drunk, and his beautiful curls and wonderful hands, he would not have written in his Torah: do not lie with a man”

ari ghostwrote that

The following 1 user Likes Ari Fisk's post:1 user Likes Ari Fisk's post
   Benedict Sterling

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...in a similar vein, this Anne Carson translation is becoming something of a meme right now, but I have never been able to read it without thinking of JK. So hi.

The following 2 users Like Jude Wright's post:2 users Like Jude Wright's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Reuben Crouch

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COMMUNITY EDITION

Tilda: That's one of my biggest fears. If I ever like...woke up as a donut...
Bella: You'd eat yourself.
Tilda: I wouldn't even question it

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Ben to Ari: Oh, and for your information, I don't have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.

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Cora: This may shock you, but I come from a long line of wives and mothers...
Beatrix: Many do.

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Ben *peering after Dio*:.....Ari, what does a pregnancy test look like?
Ari: Thin piece of plastic with a little thing on the end of it.
Ben *pulling out of her purse*: Okay, so then this is definitely a gun.

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*Ben showing Ari his shirt matches his socks*
Ari: Ben, I think your shirt is trying to get out of your pants.

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Baxter: So, are we “Yay” or “Nay” on this plan?
Garrett: Yay.
Ari: Yay.
Ben: Gay.
Ari: Wait, what was that?
Ben: I mean, Yay.

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Key, reading the mail: Baby shower invitation? No thanks, I already have a normal-sized shower that I can use whenever I want.
Jude, snatching the letter: Give me that!

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The following 5 users Like Benedict Sterling's post:5 users Like Benedict Sterling's post
   Aldous Crouch, Cassius Lestrange, Edric Umbridge, Elias Grimstone, Elsie Kirke

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