The sight of Mort flying almost haphazardly back into the office sent Barbie right off the edge of his chair into a fit of laughter. Even the feeling of Mort poking him with the ends of his jousting silverware from the floor wasn’t able to stop his howling. “Mate I’m sorry.” He breathed as he tried to pick himself up from the floor, the pain in his sides from laughing to hard making the action difficult. “But Tom should be back any minute and he has to see this!” The glare Mort gave could have destroyed bloodlines, and as Barbie sat back up and tried to climb back into his chair, the feeling of beak piercing the skin of his ankle caused him to wince. “Oi! You little bastard!” He pushed Mort back with his foot. “Come on now, you have to see the humor in this.” Barbie snickered as the grin widened on his face. “And I bet you thought you had it rough with Tom and I, huh?”

Reading the letter that came along with Mort did little to stop Barbie’s laughter as he smirked back down at Mort. “You probably would taste like chicken.”

Max,

I’m not quite sure if the hat is able to remember past students if I’m being honest, and I’ve never heard of anyone ever being resorted before. Bravery comes in many forms, and it is not your problem that someone lacks the bare minimum coordination required to keep themselves from going for a dip in the lake. Although I would advise to practice the hero angle with the girls early on. You’ll thank me a few years from now I promise.

Quidditch was one of my favorite parts of going to school! I’m happy to hear you’re already taking quite the interest in it and seem to be making quite a few friends already. I actually played chaser back in my day! Got in my second year too. Tom played seeker alongside me. Your friends are idiots fangirling over the wrong teams, as the Chudley Cannons beat any Scottish or Irish teams hands down. Although if you have to side with one of them, pick the girl. Always pick the girl.

Mort managed to get here safely and seems mostly unharmed outside of his dignity. You and your friends’ craftsmanship was quite admirable! Reminds me of the kind of dumb shit things Tom and I would get up to back in the day. We even snapped a picture to frame in the office. Also don’t let Mort’s grumpiness get to you. He can just be a jaded little prick owl sometimes.

I’ve included some more pastries since the dragons have been taken care of now. We currently wouldn’t have wanted to make Mort look tastier to them. Tom was a bit miffed about the eclairs I stole so I made a trip out to London to that girls bakery. I wasn’t sure what you liked so I asked the girl what she recommended. She seems sweet enough and I must agree with Tom that she has quite the cute smile. I am fearing for Tom’s sanity already. Word of the wise: Enjoy these years before women start making you go crazy while you can.

Anyways, there’s some jam filled pastries, honey tarts, some pumpkin thing that I honestly forgot what the girl said it’s called but they’re delightful. Try not to eat too many right before flying. Trust me.

Becks