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Witch Weekly · February 13, 2022 – 11:45 PM

Lonely Hearts
Spirited Dissent Are you: the sort of man who keeps the peace, who enjoys polite conversation, who avoids unnecessary drama, who dreams of a life of comfort? Then do not write; I seek a fellow mutineer against complacency. The Chocolate Frog Prince A man as sweet as a chocolate frog seeks a woman with some spice. She must be playful, kind, and patient with culinary experiments. A sense of humor is a must. He aspires to one day have a charming companion, delightful children, and a life that is as satisfying as a treacle tart. Seeking Penpal Young woman seeks penpal for intellectual stimulation; with no special expectations of romance. Topics of interest include magical theory and politics. Kindred Spirit Refined gentleman of leisure seeks a charming young lady to whom he might devote himself. She should be a stimulating conversationalist, an open-minded, romantic soul, and preferably be fond of literature, music and the arts. Name, bloodline and material advantages are here immaterial—a pretty face, however, is a must. Write to him with your own definition of love. A Focused Gentleman Academic, intelligent son of upper class family seeking equally devoted wife. Must not be plain, must have a plethora of wit, and must be impossibly charismatic to entice aforementioned son away from his research. Family must be in excellent social standing, upper class, and desperately patient. Widow Seeking Husband A widow of Upper Class standing and excellent breeding seeks interested suitors now that her mourning period has ended. Has a step-son from her late husband's first marriage but no true children of her own; interested parties will find her a pretty, witty companion and a perfect candidate	for marriage. Interested men of inappropriate station and blood status need not apply. Of A Mind To Marry Finished debutante seeking correspondence with an eligible bachelor with a serious mind towards marriage. Ideal companion is kind, enjoys sports and the outdoors, and is more at home in smaller social gatherings than grand parties. The lady in question is reserved, accomplished, and obedient. Mountainous Gentleman Seeks New Life Experiences An uptight and shy constable is seeking a fun-loving and down to earth woman to help bring excitement back into his rather drab lifestyle. The ideal lady for him would be one who is a skilled conversationalist as they will need to carry a conversation by themselves as he can be quite bashful. He is also perfect for the young lady that wishes to take things as slow as possible as his inexperience will make this a new venture for him. Must like dogs. Prove Me Wrong This young woman deems herself a cynic—suspecting that no one has ever truly found love in the Lonely Hearts pages—but must have suffered some concussion, for she has placed an advertisement nonetheless. (Whether she is an unconscious optimist or merely desperate is left to you.) Of upstanding family, she seeks a kind, intelligent gentleman no older than thirty-five; failing marriage and partnership, she would be content simply to find a friend and confidant to count on in society. Seeking Atypical Gentleman Non-English lady, desires to meet atypical gentleman of society. Sociable nature and command of himself in society desirable. Good humour and intelligence a must. Excellence Required A lady of excellent, upper class standing seeking a debutante of equally excellent,	upperclass standing in wont of a husband. Interviews with said husband can be arranged after the lady has deemed a suitable match. Seeking Lively Lady An intelligent, kind, thoughtful, and handsome man seeks a woman with a sense-of-humor and a sense of adventure. Must enjoy children, quidditch, and be open-minded. A decent cook would be an added bonus. A perfect match would equal him in warmth, personality, and compassion. Must like animals and be interesting. Companion In Minor Adventures Do you enjoy spontaneous trips, collecting oddities, trying new things, and swimming in the ocean? Are you seeking female company for any of the aforementioned activities? Write me without delay, and please include the most intriguing thing that has happened to you in the past fortnight. Poetic Nature A lady, past her mid 20's from a large and notable family is seeking a gentlemen of an artistic inclination to compliment her poetic nature. No small fortune in dowry for the right gent in search of a partner in life as in art. Lady With A Large Dowry Pureblood gent of marriable age sought for eldest daughter in receipt of a large dowry to bolster a pureblood bloodline. Would suit second son or gent seeking to make himself. A Sensitive Soul I am a young gentleman of middling class, in want of a girl to add a little gaiety to my life. You will be more interested in being wooed by unusual interests, delicate sonnets and sweet wounded looks than by wealth or status. You may require an excess of confidence as I am a modest, unpretentious type—do not mention the advertisement when you write, but simply address me as F and perhaps send me a poem you like.
Happiness is just an owl away! Send a letter in with your personal advertisement or response to have it printed in the next issue. Address your letters to: Lonely Hearts, Witch Weekly.

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Issue #270 —The Mind of a Matchmaker: Predictions for the 1892 Season