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Witch Weekly · March 18, 2018 – 2:50 PM

A Celtic Street Furor!
As any denizen of Hogsmeade is sure to know by now, Padmore Park has been the host of a St. Patrick's day celebration this year. The festivities began on Friday, March 16th, and for our eager readers who peruse their copy the very moment it arrives, it will still be ongoing. The Celtic Street Fair will end this evening and for many it could not be a moment too soon!

If you have not experienced the unbridled chaos — could anything otherwise be expected from the Irish? — then you may be wondering why many are so looking forward to the sanity Monday shall (hopefully) restore.

Fancy footwork abound!

Besides the vibrant decorations, the fair boasts all one might expect: Irish food, beverages, trinkets, accessories, music, and so on. The street performers are certainly entertaining and range wildly from imaginative displays of magic to lively Irish jigs, and of course what sort of celebration would it be without leprechauns? Ireland's mischievous little sprites were out in force, tricking the unsuspecting attendee with fake galleons and apparently in a few cases, briefly flashing young ladies' ankles to unsuspecting gentlemen.

Leprechauns: deceptively placid looking creatures.

The leprechauns were outdone in their mischief-making by some of their wizard counterparts. One stall was reportedly selling tasteful figurines of Saints which many purchased, only to find later that they had assumed an altogether distasteful pose. One gentleman thought a statuette of St. Raphael (a Patron Saint of healing) would raise his ailing mother's spirits if placed on her bedside cabinet. He described his abject horror upon spotting the lewd alteration as 'unlike any degree of mortification a son should have to bear before his own Mama'. He was unsuccessful in sparing his mother the unnatural view and regrets to say that her condition has taken a turn for the worse.

There have also been reports of wild animals attacking fair goers that is suspected to be linked to the products of one music stall which has proven incredibly difficult to track down despite continuing instances of tin whistles drawing out flocks of birds, squirrels, badgers, and other native beasts.

Spotted amongst the crowds were people sporting green from head to toe. Initially mistaken for a disturbing level of dedication, it seems that these individuals were mysteriously turned green against their will. We suspect Mr. Podmore and Mr. Pettigrew were targeted, although the change in their complexion made it hard to discern for certain. One very vibrant young lady clashed atrociously with her grotesquely orange dress; our senses were so appalled we had to avert our eyes and so her identity remains a mystery. What lady of any good sense wears lurid orange, we ask? Perhaps Miss Ellory Pendergast was our fashion offender of the weekend.

Worse still than the abominable combination of orange and green is the hand-fasting demonstrations on offer. What might have been a droll idea for young couples was debauched by carelessness and magical trickery. The woman providing this 'service' is either blind or malicious and has bound numerous individuals together without regard for propriety or reputations! Once bound, it seems there is an enchantment preventing the couples from parting company. There have been at least two engagements broken by this vulgar trick and we suspect more may follow. Has it a hand to play in the likely termination of Miss Dippet's engagement following the events of this weekend or is the only charm at work there all their own?

It is currently unknown how long the enchantment lasts for but it would seem that few are able to separate within a matter of hours which is terrible news if your sweetheart has been bound to another... If you have lost the object of your affections this weekend due to hand-fasting, do not despair! Send in your Lonely Heart advertisement and you'll be happily married before you know it!

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Issue #171 - A Celtic Street Furor