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Witch Weekly · September 9, 2018 – 1:29 PM

Valentine's Success? Crouch & Scamander Wow The Dance Floor At Aphrodite Soiree
Our readers may have mixed feelings about the celebrated Seer with an eye for romance, Miss Ines Valentine, after our article last week pointing out that her values may be somewhat too uncouth for the civilized English ladies and gentlemen, but it does seem to us that she struck upon at least a handful of excellent matches during the course of last week's event. Were these lucky couples the work of her divinatory powers, or merely prudent matches obvious to anyone with a trained eye? We present the evidence in one particular case and leave the distinction to you, dear readers.

Mr. Roman Crouch

All three of the Crouch brothers are currently bachelors, though the middle brother, Mr. Roman Crouch, has long been supposed to be the most eligible. Although Aldous Crouch is the oldest and heir to the family's modest fortune, his physical incapacity and his apparent disinclination for romance seems to have him marked for retirement as a perpetual bachelor, and of course, nothing needs be said for the youngest son, Reuben Crouch. It was widely supposed that Roman Crouch would seek a bride of somewhat less modest finances than himself — perhaps an heiress, or a strategic marriage to a powerful family — in an effort to restore the Crouch line to its former position in society (a theory supported by the marriage of Mrs. November Malfoy nee Crouch). One can only suppose that his failed bid at Minister this last election cast those plans into a less favorable light, which has forced him to turn his attention instead towards less auspicious matches.

Miss Marlena Scamander

The Scamanders, then, are rather an obvious choice. Both families value blood purity, a trait less common among their particular financial class than among the older lines ensconced in their mansions and country homes. While hardly affluent, the Scamander family also possesses only one male heir — Eugene Scamander, of recent fame on the Fog Expedition. Between his somewhat dangerous career in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and his apparent thrill-seeking behavior in signing up for the dangerous expedition, it is possible that Mr. Scamander may not survive long enough to marry, or to produce heirs of his own, which could provide Marlena Scamander (and, by extention, her future husband) with an unexpected windfall.

The only apparent hitch in the match is Miss Scamander's career; she currently works as an Unspeakable in the Ministry of Magic, which is incredibly unladylike and might be enough for the average suitor to put her aside entirely (in favor, perhaps, of her more traditional younger sister, Miss Helga Scamander). This is overlooking, however, Mr. Crouch's political aims; he works in the office of the Minister and has expressed his desire once already to hold the prime seat. If he is in need of a co-conspirator to lead him on to greatness, who better than a woman who has already been made aware of most of the Ministry's most closely kept secrets to play his Lady MacBeth, as it were?

The pair were matched for a dance at the Aphrodite Soiree, but it takes no special talent to see what a fitting pair they would make. Was Miss Valentine's arrangement an act of luck, or indicative of any particular skill?

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