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Witch Weekly · September 2, 2018 – 3:12 PM

Ines Valentine - Matchmaker or homewrecker?
Miss Ines Valentine has been featured in our esteemed magazine several times this summer — and most recently she hosted the Aphrodite Soiree at the Destiny Hotel London. The guest list included socialites and the most marriageable bachelors of our time - including Mr. Orlando Lovegood, Mr. Edric Umbridge and of course, Miss Yente Ventus herself!

The fabulous evening was filled with dancing, conversation and a hopeful air that those searching for their true love — or at the very least, someone to wed — would find a suitable match. What this Witch Weekly writer noticed that many did not however, was the manipulative plotting of our seating arrangements. At first glance, it would seem that Miss Valentine followed decorum and placed those who would be suitably matched together, with married couples appropriately sprinkled within.

However upon closer inspection, it would appear that her matchmaking skills do not limit themselves from those who are already wed!

Mrs. Ophelia Devine - an incredibly fashionable socialite - was seated at the same table as her husband, Mr. Roberto Devine. Notably, Mr. Clinton Podmore was also seated at this table. He is of a fashionable height (versus Mr. Devine, who is several inches too tall to be fashionable) and is just as dark and handsome as Mr. Devine. The newlywed Mrs. Devine was seen smiling at Mr. Podmore - who returned the smiles with a twinkle in his eye. The temptation between the pair was obvious to anyone with experience in detecting such things. We only hope that Mrs. Devine is able to resist Mr. Podmore's charm and stay true to her husband.

Another malevolent seating arrangement includes table 5 - with Mrs. Hannah Pettigrew, Mr. Thom Pettigrew and Miss Louisa Lupin. Miss Lupin's brother, Leon Lupin, and extended family (his rather unfortunate wife, Mrs. Elsbeth Lupin, who cannot seem to observe proper decorum) has Witch Weekly wondering if the negative influence on Miss Lupin is what caused her to pay far too much attention to Mr. Pettigrew - despite his wife sitting right there! Mrs. Pettigrew has only recently returned to society. Speculation as to whether it was caused by Mr. Pettigrew's wandering eye would be confirmed, as he only had eyes for the beautiful Ms. Lupin that evening.

While there were certainly some successful matches made that we hope continue to flourish, we want to advise those who are already in marriages to seek a closer relationship with their spouses, rather than those who Miss Valentine seated them next to during her soiree.

To Miss Valentine - Witch Weekly wants to inform you that we are keeping a close eye on you. Marriage is a sacred commitment that should not be dabbled in lightly. It is abhorrent to lead those who have entered into such binding contracts astray.

Miss Ines Valentine - is this a face you can trust?

Miss Louisa Lupin - unsuspecting temptress with unfortunate family ties

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Issue #195 - Ines Valentine: Matchmaker or Homewrecker?