Issue #215 - The Greatest Scandals of 1888: Where Are They Now?
June 9, 2019 – 4:00 PM
The Original Fake News
June 9, 2019 – 4:00 PM
The Original Fake News
| Drunken Fool or Angry American? Or perhaps even both? An incident occurring in Irvingly at the Irvingly Arms Friday evening has local residents fearful for their well being. While it is being brushed off as a mere misunderstanding and perhaps a bit too much drink, an inside source tells us it is so much more than just that. While it started out like any other first Friday night at the arms, the evening was quick to go south. Dancing and drink were about and the residents of the mixed community were said to be enjoying themselves. And then a certain American, Mr. Conall MacKay, seems to have gone a bit off his rocker. Or rather, a bit more than he already has. Sources claim he’s not exactly the type of person that should be out in society by any means, his long treks to foreign lands having left him without basic senses needed to mingle with others properly. But something more seemed to be going on Friday night and left many wizards and muggles fearing for their lives. “It was like he was some deranged lunatic,” a source wishing to remain anonymous told us, “All crazy in the eyes and yelling in that weird accent of his.” And from what we’ve gathered, it sounds as if the American really did go a bit crazy. One minute dancing and laughter was heard and the next the man was shooting of spells without any regard to those in the area. Not only did he break the no magic laws of Irvingly but he didn’t seem to care a wit if he hurt anyone in the process. And what’s worse is that it sounds as if there was no provocation to lead to such antics! Though it’s been said he’s been a bit more sour and moody than he has since first arriving, it’s still unknown what really set the man off. We can only hope that it was a one time thing, that a night spent detained and possibly with other legal recourse, he’ll come to his sense and not commit such an atrocity once again. Or better yet, he’ll leave for some obscure location once again and not return. |
 Mr. Conall MacKay, deranged American clearly with anger issues |
June 9, 2019 – 4:00 PM
The Original Fake News
| Ten Facts About Araminta Scrimgeour | |
Many know of the Scrimgeour family scandal, but how much do we know of Miss Araminta Scrimgeour? Tossed into societies shadows by her sister and their father, one may question how the other twin turned out. Miss Araminta Scrimgeour, twin to the infamous Annabelle Scrimgeour.1. She is a Scorpio. Born in October 30, Scorpios are known for jealousy, secretive tendencies, and even a violent nature. Not surprising when one looks at her twin sister, Miss Annabelle Scrimgeour, as well as her father, the late Mr. Argus Scrimgeour. 2. She has a brother. While many hear of Scrimgeour and think of the twin sisters, one might overlook the fact that the young women have an older brother, Mr. Julius Scrimgeour. 3. She owns a willow wand. Those with willow wands are rumored to have great potential. It leaves us to wonder as to why we have seen no show of potential from Miss Scrimgeour. 4. She remains unmarried. While one shouldn't be too surprised that she has yet to find a husband after her family's scandal, one must wonder as to why she had not found a suitable husband before the events of last year. Is it due to the fact that twins are unlucky? Or has the other Miss Scrimgeour shown rebellious signs of her own? |
5. One of her hobbies is gardening. While not an uncommon hobby, one would assume that a young lady of her status would refrain from getting her hands dirty with such actions. Especially once out of school.  What is it that Miss Scrimgeour is found of gardening? That is one question those of us at Witch Weekly would like to know!6. She is ambidextrous. Like any proper member of society, she has been seen to favor her right hand. However, our sources say that when inclined, she is able to write and cast spells with her other hand with no extra effort. 7. Her favorite reading material is mystery novels. Quite the unsettling trait in a young woman, to be fascinated by mystery. One can only hope that Miss Scrimgeour will leave the excitement to the pages. 8. She was quite close to her father. Those close to her have implied that she and her father had a close relationship before his arrest and passing. Could it be that she may also have violent tendencies? Her star sign suggests as such. 9. Her friends call her 'Minty'. Nicknames are certainly not uncommon from one young lady to another. One might assume that her nickname has been her inspiration behind her gardening hobby. 10. Her wand has a dragon heartstring core. Known as a strong core, it is also known for it's easy sway to the Dark Arts. One can only hope that Miss Scrimgeour will keep her use of magic to that which fits a proper young lady. |
June 9, 2019 – 4:00 PM
The Original Fake News
| The Greatest Scandals of 1888: Where Are They Now? The Elopement of Rufus Bixby and Fortuna née Lockhart After being sighted in each other's company in inappropriate ways throughout the entire year, Bixby and Lockhart missed the pink letter scandal only to immediately involve themselves in a scandal of their own creation and elope in October of 1888. At the time it was speculated that Rufus Bixby's inability to wait even long enough to plan a proper wedding must have been due to his new bride having found herself in a family way, but months later Mrs. Bixby is showing no signs of pregnancy. We believe they likely married due to a pregnancy scare that ended up being a false alarm — and a good thing for them that it did, as the couple is by no means financially stable enough to support a family. Mrs. Bixby has retained her job at the Museum of Magical Miscellany, and we can only assume that if she were forced to leave due to pregnancy the Bixby household would be strained beyond what it could bear and plunge into poverty.  Mr. Medina, one of two returned castaways from South AmericaPolite society was shocked by the arrival of J. Alfred Darrow's memoirs last year, detailing (sometimes quite explicitly) what he and fellow crew member Pablo Medina endured after being shipwrecked in South America. With mentions of barbaric tribal practices, rampant immortality, and even implications of cannibalism, the book made everyone look at the two men in a new light. It is difficult to ascertain whether Mr. Darrow has made any ground towards regaining civility: he still seems preoccupied with sea voyages and explorations, and has only spent a minimal amount of time back in England since his return. His companion Mr. Medina seems to have adjusted much better and integrated himself once again in magical society. He has been frequently spotted at the Irvingly Zoo, where he can occasionally be seen conversing with other magizoologists such as Conall MacKay. We speculate that he will return to academia and leave the 'adventuring life' behind him; whether Mr. Darrow will ever return to proper English life remains to be seen. The Pink Letter Scandals The Amortentia-laced letters delivered last September saw many young men and women getting themselves into a good bit of trouble, but most of the damage was quickly remedied. Two of the most outstanding cases were the elopements of Edric Umbridge and February née Lynch, and Barnabas Skeeter and Maeve Connolly. The Umbridges elected not to seek the annulment they were entitled to and remain married to this day. Mrs. Umbridge is heavily pregnant. Although we speculate based on their behavior prior to September that their marriage bed was not the first bed they shared, at least as far as Mrs. Umbridge's pregnancy is concerned the timeline seems to be consistent and respectable. Ms. Connolly and Mr. Skeeter remained married for months following the Amortentia scandal, reportedly because they could not produce the required two letters to prove their union was not made while they were of sound mind. After months of arguments (during which Ms. Connolly refused to change her name or to remove herself from her familial home), they were eventually granted an annulment through the traditional court at the Ministry, and their union was dissolved in January of 1889.  Miss ScrimgeourFollowing the unfortunate incident that saw Annabelle Scrimgeour flee her father, Miss Scrimgeour was disowned — which, to be honest, was probably for the best and ought to have been done at least a year earlier. After running away, she was taken in by the MacFustys and currently works as a research assistant for Malcolm MacFusty. Those close to Miss Scrimgeour in school have speculated that this is likely a bit of charity on the part of the MacFustys, since she displayed neither any particular interest or aptitude for dragon research while in school. After Argus Scrimgeour's arrest and trial, he passed away under circumstances that are decidedly less than clear. His family clings to what remaining shreds of propriety are left to them, but it seems highly unlikely his remaining daughter, Araminta Scrimgeour, will make a fortuitous match with such a black mark in her immediate family. |
June 9, 2019 – 4:00 PM
The Original Fake News
| Your latest gossip in the magical world! | Head Around Town Have you seen Mrs. Dionisia Fisk lately? She looks huge! Much bigger than she should; she and Mr. Fisk only married back in December... I heard the Board of Governers is switching to an all-book curriculum in the wake of Miss Bénet's death. I wonder if her twin will return to Hogwarts next year. I I wouldn't, not after ruining the school like that. Mrs. Annabelle Bones was once again seen in the company of Mr. Finnian Byrne. I wonder what that's about. I heard that they were trapped together during the Irvingly expedition, but they don't seem like a likely pair. The Church is getting out of hand. An expedition to Africa? With women and children? I hope the Ministry gets involved before their lunacy starts infecting the minds of our children. Mrs. Ophelia Devine recently took in a foster child. Maybe she is barren after all. Poor Mr. Devine! |
June 9, 2019 – 4:01 PM
The Original Fake News
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