Issue #201 - Courting By City
October 14, 2018 – 6:50 PM
The Original Fake News
October 14, 2018 – 6:50 PM
The Original Fake News
| How might your life be different if you were able to see events from your life before they happened? Follow our directions and you'll no longer have to wonder! | Become A Prophetic Dreamer (12 Easy Steps!) Not everyone can possess the True Sight, but it turns out that everyone can have a little piece of the divination pie. Follow these steps to increase the likelihood of experiencing prophetic dreams! 1. Drink goat's rue prior to sleeping. This bitter herb can be mixed with a little sweet juice or diluted with water to make it more palatable, and is said to increase the focus of one's Inner Eye. 2. Write a letter before bed and place it under your pillow. If you are attempting to see visions on a particular topic, such as the fate of a friend or relative, write their name prominently and then make a list of possible future events as you can imagine them. Exploring these possible futures will make them more likely to occur to you during sleep. 3. Meditate on your intended subject. There's no need to do anything excessive; one to five minutes of thought devoted to the person, place, or thing in question should do the trick. If you have no definite target in mind, imagine a physical place such as a forest or castle and allow your mind to 'wander' through it, in order to take your thoughts away from the distractions of the day. 4. Sleep on your left side. Sleeping on your left will increase the flow of positive energy on your right side, which is best for divination and will allow your dreams to be more vibrant, thus helping you to remember them. 5. Count your breathing. As you try to fall asleep, take long, deep breaths. Count how many seconds you spend inhaling and exhaling. 6. Control the light sources. The best environment for prophetic dreams is to have a source of constant, gentle light in the room. Use heavy curtains and shutters to block out any extraneous light, and sleep with a single candle in the room, or an gas lamp on its lowest setting. 7. Use a spell to quiet the room. Any noises which could disturb your sleep might influence your dream and cause it to be less accurate. For best results, silencing spells ought to be placed on your doors, windows, or any source of outside sound. 8. Clear the room of other living things. No children, siblings, or pets should be in the room when you sleep. If you cannot manage this every night, try to strategically plan out your dreaming nights on days when the other inhabitants of your room have other places to be, such as at a friend or relative's home. It's also best to avoid sleeping in any room with a connected Floo. 9. Keep a journal by your bedside. If you wake up in the middle of the night, write down any dreams you have had so far to prevent your forgetting them before morning. In order to avoid having to turn on additional lights, a speak-and-spell quill or similar product can be used to take dictation of your dreams. 10. Read books on dream symbology. Being more familiar with dream symbology and common signs from other branches of divination will make you more likely to recognize them in your dreams, and help you avoid missing important meanings. 11. Discuss your dreams with other diviners. The more experienced diviner, the better, but discussion even with an unskilled third party can help open your mind to new interpretations and possibilities and will gradually increase your ability to interpret your dreams. 12. Seek professional help. If all else fails, some mesmerists and diviners offer classes to help you make the leap into the unknown, and can even offer potions and incense to aid you. |
October 14, 2018 – 6:50 PM
The Original Fake News
| 10 Facts About Gideon Ollivander | |
The school year is well underway and many people may have run across the bachelor we are about to profile while getting the first year in their lives a new wand. As the owner of the Hogsmeade branch of Ollivanders Wand Shop, Mister Gideon Ollivander outfitted many Hogsmeade students with their first wands. While not the most fashionable man in the world, Mister Gideon Ollivander is quite an eligible bachelor!1. He has two siblings - a brother and a sister. Mister Ollivanders sister is the former Miss Violet Ollivander who went on to marry Mister Hamish MacFusty. With Gervaise Ollivander said to have been engaged, Mister Gideon Ollivander has never had such news attached to him. 2. He lost his father in 1884. The Ollivanders lost their father to the Laughing Plague that came upon Hogsmeade in 1884. Their fathers death saw the Ollivander brothers splitting ownership of Ollivander's Wand Shop. 3. Gideon Ollivander rebuild his shop after it was destroyed in the 1884 fire. Showing tenacity and perseverance in the aftermath of so much personal loss, Mister Ollivander rebuild his half of Ollivander's Wand Shop in Hogsmeade and seems to have done well since then. 4. Gideon Ollivander has never taken on an apprentice. Unlike his brother, Gideon Ollivander has yet to take on an apprentice and sources say that he seems to have no interest in ever doing so which means a wife will have little competition for his attention! |
5. He loves animals! He is said to have two pets, an owl and a cat! A sure sign that Mister Ollivander would do very well when it comes to raising a child of his own!  Gideon Ollivander is the supplier of wands to many first years!6. His wand wood is apple! Owners of apple wands are said to be charming with high aims. Two qualities that would be very desirable in ones husband! 7. He was a Ravenclaw but left school after his OWLs. Mister Gideon Ollivander only attended long enough to achieve his NEWTs before being pulled from school so that he could learn his family's trade. Sources say that his learning did not stop there though and he is said to master many languages! 8. He is a Gemini. Born on June 3rd, Mister Ollivander is a Gemini. They are said to have honest and direct personalities which would be perfect for a bride that values honesty. 9. He is more than capable of supporting a wife. At 34 years of age and the ownership of a wand shop underneath his belt, there is no doubt that a woman will find herself very comfortable as Mrs. Ollivander! 10. He is fond of lakes. Seen visiting the lake in Padmore Park on occasion, one can only wonder what he thinks about there. No doubt he is reflecting on life and the woman that might come along to end his lonely contemplations. |
October 14, 2018 – 6:50 PM
The Original Fake News
| Courting By City: How Romance Differs In Hogsmeade, London, and Elsewhere | |
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Does your location make a difference in how you meet members of the opposite sex, or how they might decide to court you (or not)? Could your stalled love life benefit from a little change of scenery? Spending a season with your relatives in a different part of the country may have more of an impact than you would believe. Society began in London prior to beginning anywhere else, as some say, and so our look into romance begins there as well. The bustling city hides several disparate magical neighborhoods, which are generally made up of similar types of people (similar backgrounds and belief systems, religions, and levels of wealth), but the centrality of Diagon Alley still allows couples to mingle if they choose. A woman raised in London is generally a more lively conversation partner than one from the country, which means courtships there are often briefer and more exciting than their counterparts from elsewhere in the Isles. Men who maintain property in London can generally be assumed to be more stable than those who live in family homes or who rent in Hogsmeade, and can therefore generally be relied upon to be able to support a wife once they feel they are ready for one.  While Hogsmeade boasts more eligible gentleman generally, some, such as Aldous Crouch, have shown a decided hesitancy to enter a courtship.After experiencing rapid growth during the last decade, Hogsmeade has become a hub of the wizarding world. Unlike London, residential areas and commerce are within a stone's throw of each other, and the ease of access to public areas such as the Black Lake and Padmore Park make the mingling of different social strata more likely in Hogsmeade than anywhere else in the British Isles. For this reason, those looking to make auspicious matches (and do not mind risking being labeled uncultured climbers of the social ladder) tend to fare better in Hogsmeade than they do elsewhere. |
Those living in country homes are almost entirely reliant on invitations to parties in order to meet potential mates, which can make cultivating a new acquaintance more difficult. In fact, it is essentially impossible for a young man and a woman to develop a relationship independently of the influence of their friends and family, which some see as a detriment. On the other hand, however, having more outside involvement in developing relationships (a curator of new romance, if you will) can make for sounder matches in the long term, meaning couples who meet this way may end happier than their more quickly-wed counterparts. Like James MacFusty, some eligible bachelors in the country belong to somewhat peculiar families and may not meet the tastes of every potential bride.Country homes are also the long-standing preference of the exceptionally rich, of course, who also have a higher likelihood of arranging betrothals in lieu of traditional courting, as they have inheritances and family names they often wish to protect. The additional benefit of this location for women whose natures require them to take socializing only in small doses is that there is plenty of quiet and respite, where more central locations may not offer this and can sometimes prove overwhelming to the most delicate of constitutions. In order for young ladies to make the most of their limited time as potential brides, locations should be chosen which best represent the qualities of the young woman. The liveliest and most spirited of young women will fare best in London, where quick and able matches abound. Those of more modest character, or for whom beauty is their best (or only) positive trait should find themselves in Hogsmeade, where the sheer number of opportunities will work to their benefit. For those whose dearest hope of success in marriage comes from the possibility of leveraging the influence of their friends or relations, such as the exceptionally shy or dull, a country home is best. |
October 14, 2018 – 6:51 PM
The Original Fake News
The man who married my childhood best friend proclaimed his undying love for me two days before the ceremony, but I refused him. Their first daughter was born two years later, and she was named after me. While my friend thinks nothing of it, her husband always gives me the same knowing smile every time her name is said. I once brought an entire ball to a halt after an unfortunate fall. Instead of owning up to my gracelessness, I pretended a rat had scattered out from beneath my feet. Everyone was horrified — them by the prospect of a rodent, and me by my own lies. |
Thrice last spring I abandoned a chaperon to meet my secret beau in private, and though no one ever discovered afternoon rendezvouses, his mother's growing suspicion led to her death. In a daring side-along apparition attempt after tracking my beau's every move, she splinched herself in two! When I was very young and in love for the first time, I discovered the address of my beloved and wandered onto his property from the streets to see if he was home. After one of his servants noticed me in the yard, I impulsively killed an innocent squirrel and pretended I had been trying to save it from a hawk attack — and they bought it! I often wonder if he ever heard the tale of the strange woman attempting to save the squirrel on his property... |
I was serving as a midwife to an excited young bride who ended up delivering twins. Unfortunately, one did not survive. I could not bear her sorrowful cries, so I modified her memory to believe she'd only had one child. It is my biggest regret, yet not one I could ever bring myself to reveal to the woman in question. I left the country to live with my sister in America, and ended up marrying while I was there. Our marriage ended rather abrupt after he perished in a fire at the factory he owned, but rather than accepting my newly-widowed status, I moved back to England and pretended I had never married. I eventually remarried and now have a family of my own — but my husband does not not that there was a man in my life before him. |
| Have a confession you need to get off your chest, but could not bear the scandal, ridicule, or familial drama that would come with it? Witch Weekly will publish it completely anonymously! Address your letters to: Confessions of A Subscriber, Witch Weekly. | ||
October 14, 2018 – 6:51 PM
The Original Fake News
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