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Valentine's Success? Crouch & Scamander Wow The Dance Floor At Aphrodite Soiree Our readers may have mixed feelings about the celebrated Seer with an eye for romance, Miss Ines Valentine, after our article last week pointing out that her values may be somewhat too uncouth for the civilized English ladies and gentlemen, but it does seem to us that she struck upon at least a handful of excellent matches during the course of last week's event. Were these lucky couples the work of her divinatory powers, or merely prudent matches obvious to anyone with a trained eye? We present the evidence in one particular case and leave the distinction to you, dear readers. Mr. Roman Crouch All three of the Crouch brothers are currently bachelors, though the middle brother, Mr. Roman Crouch, has long been supposed to be the most eligible. Although Aldous Crouch is the oldest and heir to the family's modest fortune, his physical incapacity and his apparent disinclination for romance seems to have him marked for retirement as a perpetual bachelor, and of course, nothing needs be said for the youngest son, Reuben Crouch. It was widely supposed that Roman Crouch would seek a bride of somewhat less modest finances than himself — perhaps an heiress, or a strategic marriage to a powerful family — in an effort to restore the Crouch line to its former position in society (a theory supported by the marriage of Mrs. November Malfoy nee Crouch). One can only suppose that his failed bid at Minister this last election cast those plans into a less favorable light, which has forced him to turn his attention instead towards less auspicious matches. Miss Marlena Scamander The Scamanders, then, are rather an obvious choice. Both families value blood purity, a trait less common among their particular financial class than among the older lines ensconced in their mansions and country homes. While hardly affluent, the Scamander family also possesses only one male heir — Eugene Scamander, of recent fame on the Fog Expedition. Between his somewhat dangerous career in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and his apparent thrill-seeking behavior in signing up for the dangerous expedition, it is possible that Mr. Scamander may not survive long enough to marry, or to produce heirs of his own, which could provide Marlena Scamander (and, by extention, her future husband) with an unexpected windfall. The only apparent hitch in the match is Miss Scamander's career; she currently works as an Unspeakable in the Ministry of Magic, which is incredibly unladylike and might be enough for the average suitor to put her aside entirely (in favor, perhaps, of her more traditional younger sister, Miss Helga Scamander). This is overlooking, however, Mr. Crouch's political aims; he works in the office of the Minister and has expressed his desire once already to hold the prime seat. If he is in need of a co-conspirator to lead him on to greatness, who better than a woman who has already been made aware of most of the Ministry's most closely kept secrets to play his Lady MacBeth, as it were? The pair were matched for a dance at the Aphrodite Soiree, but it takes no special talent to see what a fitting pair they would make. Was Miss Valentine's arrangement an act of luck, or indicative of any particular skill?

  

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Lonely Hearts
Quidditch Aficionado Dashing quidditch aficionado is at last ready to settle down—could you be the one to seek out his heart? Must be sensible, fashionable, and with a good sense of fun. Ladies of ill reputation or poor manners need not apply. A Smile Like Sunrise Vibrant young woman seeks established gentleman of good character. Should be intelligent, open to the idea of a woman pursuing a career, and kind. The woman in question comes from a large and well-connected family (and may eventually want to start one of her own) so charm and wit in a potential suitor will prove invaluable. Heroic Gentleman Heroic gentleman seeking an outgoing woman to save him from loneliness. A love of magical creatures is preferable, but an adventurous spirit would do. The lady in question should be no older than twenty-years-old and possess a cheerful disposition. A pure bloodline is ideal.	Well Known Well known Hogsemeade figure decides it's time to find a wife. A gentle woman with a kind, caring, and nurturing demeanor is most sought after. Quick on her feet and able to tackle life with fervor and fearlessness a must. Vibrant Debutante Vibrant debutante with dazzling green eyes seeking a marriage of mutual benefit. The gentleman in question should hail from a respectable family and possess the means to support a wife who finds pleasure in all types of society functions. Ugly features or physical impediments can be overlooked as long as their heart (and checkbook!) is in the right place, as the lady possesses a tender heart and sweet face of her own! Seeking Adventurous Gentleman from good family seeks a kind and adventurous young woman to share his adventures with. Must enjoy the sea and have a sense of humor. If you seek a handsome gentleman who will whisk you away then you need seek no further.	Kind & Loyal Kind and loyal Ministry man seeking a woman to mend his long ago broken heart. She should be kind as well as understanding and unafraid of dogs. A love for life and a devotion to family would be a bonus. Pureblood Betrothal Girl no younger than twelve and no older than twenty sought for potential betrothal. A young lady of pure lineage and good repute is sought for a match to a young bachelor from a prestigious family and with notable income. Interviews to be arranged for yourself or daughter via third party answering service to ensure discretion amongst all parties. Please inquire, as the family in question would like things settled by year’s end. In Want of Companionship A young woman of one-and-twenty years of age seeking a gentleman for a companionship marriage. The ideal gentleman would be academically-inclined; not at all predisposed towards romance, as the woman in question is decidedly not; and of a mature age where he is emotionally prepared to support a wife with ambitions—and a career—of her own.
Happiness is just an owl away! Send a letter in with your personal advertisement or response to have it printed in the next issue. Address your letters to: Lonely Hearts, Witch Weekly.

  

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With the Hogsmeade fog dissipating, few believed the effects of the fog's magic would linger long enough to have an impact on the upcoming school year — and boy were they wrong!

Horror At Hogwarts: Foggy Failures Upon seeing their children off to Hogwarts on September 1st, most parents were under the impression that Hogwarts and its staff had already ensured that the summer fog crisis would not have any lingering effects that would impact their child's ability to do magic — at least until this week, when some of our readers complained that their children had written to them complaining of unexplained magical mishaps! Witch Weekly has spoken with parents to get to the bottom of the mystery: What's happening at Hogwarts? Headmaster Phineas Black is known for being a recluse at the castle, but he's reportedly been even more reclusive the usual — out of shame, perhaps? One Hogsmeade mother who did not wish to be identified offered a look into the trouble their child was experience in a post-fog Hogwarts. She reportedly received a letter from her daughter, a first year, that claimed their "magic was weak and useless compared to their London-raised classmates" and that she "suspected the wand woods or their cores from the Hogsmeade branch of Ollivander's had lost their magic as a result of the fog". Naturally, questions arose about the child in question, and whether or not it was merely a case of an insecure first year trying to place the blame for her inadequacy on the fog itself. The mother was quick to dismiss this idea: "My daughter is descended from a long line of spell inventors," she said, "Her father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were all members of the Dark Force Defence League, and her third great-grandfather received an award for Excellence in Spell-casting by age sixteen!" She reassured reporters that her daughter had read three books on magical theory by the time she was eight, and had ambitions to become a world-renowned duelist! It makes no sense, then, that such a prodigious child would fail at the most basic of spell-casting! During the interview, another mother walked up to reporters and confirmed that similar issues had arisen her son, a sixth year at Hogwarts who had just begun his NEWT-level Potions class! "He was the top of his class; he never struggled to brew a potion in his life!" she told us. "During his first week, he wrote home to say his wand refused to cooperate during his first brewing of the Draught of Living Death! He was completely and utterly distraught! His wand was also exposed to the elements during the fog, and my friends and I are sure it is to blame!" Now we want to hear from you, readers. Have your children experienced unexplained issues with their wand-waving and spell-casting since returning from Hogwarts? Or do you believe that this is a case of the blame game?

  

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The Stars Reveal: A Glimpse Into The Marriage of Ernest & Rufina Mulciber Mr. Ernest Mulciber, of the Department of Mysteries, married his wife Rufina after her betrothal to the elder Mr. Mulciber was terminated due to his untimely death. The lack of choice in partnership is certainly telling in their star signs, as Mr. Mulciber's Capricorn and Mrs. Mulciber's Scorpio are both known for their cool intellect. Rather than giving them common ground, this overabundance of sense and lack of sensibility will makes it difficult for the pair to establish any sort of emotional bond whatsoever, and both crave the partnership of a more gentle sign such as Cancer or Taurus. While a lack of sentiment is not always a fore bearer of an unhappy or unsuccessful marriage, in the case of Mr. and Mrs. Mulciber the stars also reveal a troublesome relationship with Venus, which means the pair are likely to have opposing values in many key areas and will struggle to find suitable compromises. It is quite likely in the opinion of our astrologers that the Mulciber's conversations are most typically centered on trickery or the use of guilt in order to make the party see things their way, instead of honest communication or any sort of teamwork. The most prominent area of overlap between the two lies in their love of setting and achieving goals, which are also key Slytherin traits. Mrs. Rufina Mulciber was a Slytherin at school, and although Mr. Mulciber was not, a good portion of his family was (including his father, older brother, and his son), so it is safe to say that he shares something of the famous Slytherin ambition. In areas where their goals align, the stars show that the Mulcibers may make a very formidable pair indeed — but, likely, also an unhappy one.

Ernest Mulciber's career has lead him to a reclusive and enigmatic life. Rufina Mulciber, in contrast, is a renowned socialite and woman of charity.

  

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