Your trusted source since A.D. 1666
Witch Weekly
One knut
Issue #283, 10th September 1893
LONELY HEARTS
Teammates For Life
Athletic young woman wants to meet someone who shares a love for Quidditch and flying. Hoping to find someone who wants many children — seven is just enough to fill a house with joy and fill up a Quidditch team roster!
If you have marriage in mind, pass this advertisement by; I am unlikely to offer what you need. If, on the other hand, you are a woman who finds yourself in want of companionship — someone to listen to you talk, to challenge your opinions, to care — and are open to finding it without a ring attached, write me.
A lady of well-repute and sweet connections seeks a gentleman to draw in eternal matrimony. She blossoms never blooms and yearns for a true admirer who might appreciate her finer details. Seeking a kind, patient man who possesses a clever mind, a sharp eye — or a magnifying glass — to be her everlasting Prince Charming.
This woman is no longer young, nor much of a lady – she possesses no wealth, and not much refinement – but she is a loyal friend and has a romantic heart. She has modest expectations, but much affection to give: if you are a working man without much luck in love, please write.
A carefree young man seeking the calm for his storm. Loyalty and strong values of family are a must. An interest in starting a family is preferred.
I won’t mince words, I fear I have ruined my first season with a torn dress and an incredibly pushy mama who scares away all of my potential suitors and it has left me desperate. I don’t want to end up a lonely spinster, so this young lady is looking for a gentleman who is understanding and kind, one who is sensitive and sweet; someone who doesn’t mind that I’m graceless and plain and won’t ever turn heads. I can still be a good wife to you and a good mother to your children if you give me a chance.
Gentleman in his thirties is looking to marry. His heart has been bruised before, but he is of high hopes and resilient spirit: he is seeking a sociable young woman from a good family with whom to turn over a new page. Ideally she is organised, passionate and ambitious, and an interest in learning, languages or literature is preferred. (Women of no means need not apply.)
A young active lady, who enjoys the outdoors, horse riding and nature. From a large, sociable family, she enjoys society, dancing and dogs. The young lady seeks a gentlemanly companion with a like mind to see if there is any potential in a companionable match.
A young woman of excellent manners, good education, and good reputation seeks to correspond with potential suitors. Unfortunately I am not at my best in large social gatherings, and have somewhat despaired of making a genuine connection in these circumstances. It would be much preferable to me if I might become acquainted with a gentleman first via letters, and progress to social interactions once we've established a connection so that I might feel more comfortable. If you have patience to nurture a new connection in this unconventional way, please write.
Young gentleman seeking a wife. A lady who is opinionated and outgoing. Class and blood purity need not be an issue.
Young lady fears she may die of boredom without a pen-pal who is clever, fun and energetic to challenge and entertain her. His blood and class are irrelevant – a quick wit matters more. For best results, the letter-writer should be no older than twenty-six. Romantic overtures are not necessary: just save her before she perishes.
A gentleman of good family, and good fortune seeks a lady of pureblood and good breeding for marriage. The gent is of a quieter and scholarly disposition, seeks a similarly studious companion in life, but a lady with the ability to encourage him in society.
Dear Absent,
Caught in the rain today. Waited 27 minutes. Black shoes forgotten on the hearth. If only. Eyes wide open, lips are sealed. Come in the twilight. The skin of your upper arm gave you away. Your gait is uneven. Knock four times and I answer.
Awaiting
Happiness is just an owl away! Send a letter in with your personal advertisement or response to have it printed in the next issue. Address your letters to: Lonely Hearts, Witch Weekly.
Also in this issue...
Support Sweetie Whitledge's campaign for Minister of Magic.
Page 3 — Breaking a betrothal: Dos and Don'ts
Page 5 — Sweetie Whitledge: Trying too hard?
Page 12 — Charles Macmillan's 5 biggest failures
Page 15 — Ten ways to decline an invitation to tea
Page 16 — Evangeline Darling's Open House: Who does she think she is?
Page 23 — Jude Wright: A Mother's Failure?
Page 27 — When your yellow wallpaper goes too far
Page 30 — Ozymandias Dempsey and the curse of childlessness
Page 5 — Sweetie Whitledge: Trying too hard?
Page 12 — Charles Macmillan's 5 biggest failures
Page 15 — Ten ways to decline an invitation to tea
Page 16 — Evangeline Darling's Open House: Who does she think she is?
Page 23 — Jude Wright: A Mother's Failure?
Page 27 — When your yellow wallpaper goes too far
Page 30 — Ozymandias Dempsey and the curse of childlessness
This issue is made possible by our sponsors: The Hogsmeade Women's Institute
Throwing parties. Taking Names.
Join the WI today!
Throwing parties. Taking Names.
Join the WI today!