Issue #239 - Dance Card Revolution: The Latest Ballroom Trends
August 2, 2020 – 7:24 AM
The Original Fake News
August 2, 2020 – 7:25 AM
The Original Fake News
| The Debutantes Guide to Pretending to Know Quidditch | |
| With the Quidditch World Cup occuring this year, a constant topic of discussion in most social circles seems to be about one thing: Quidditch. That unmanly sport that most proper debutantes likely know very little about. Certainly not enough to maintain an easily flowing conversation which could be a problem if conversing with an important society lady with a sponsor husband such as Mrs Ophelia Devine. Or worse, if ones beau is trying to discuss it with you and finds your lack of input offputting! Not to worry, the following are just some of the things you can do to appear knowledgeable about Quidditch without drowning yourself in a Quidditch Through The Ages textbook.  No more will you have to listen without input as someone drones on about the sport.Learn the very basics. The very basics of Quidditch is the fact that one team consists of seven players: one seeker, one keeper, three chasers and two beaters. It is the seekers job to catch the snitch and thus the most important player in most eyes as catching the ball called the snitch ends the game. The keeper guards the posts from chasers who try to score using the quaffle. Beaters hit balls called bludgers at the other teams players. All this alone should help you breeze through a conversation if you are able to be as vague as humanly possible. Let them lead the conversation. When in conversation with someone who knows a lot about Quidditch, let them be the one to lead the conversation. Pepper in some vague questions so that they feel like you are listening and paying attention to whatever it is that they are talking about. This also works for any sort of conversation that might be boring to you as well. It is most useful when entertaining a potential suitor with a deep interest in Quidditch. You'll be able to appear as though you also have an interest while you try to get that ring on your finger. Besides, most men tend to enjoy the sound of their own voice anyway. |
 Now you too will be able to feign interest at the current QWC!Pepper the conversation with 'Isn't it fascinating?! Peppering the conversation with a well placed 'Isn't it fascinating' or similiar will encourage the other person to continue speaking. Be sure not to awkwardly insert it as then you might be asked to clarify your thought! Well placed phrases, however, will give you the image of being very enthused even if you actually are not. Familiarize yourself with the National Teams Quidditch Players names and Positions. Considering it is the Quidditch World Cup, most people will be talking about the British National Teams rather than all the numerous Quidditch teams in existence in the league. There is a first string who are the most important people and a second string. The captain of the National team is Esteban Zavala. The chasers are Arthur Pettigrew - who captained the National Team during the last Quidditch World Cup, Rufus Bixby and Augusta Robins. The Beaters are Beckett Longbottom and Lachlan MacFusty. Cassius Lestrange is not the first string seeker but is the one that has been playing in the games thus far due to an unforeseen circumstance in the first string seekers ability to play so might as well be. |
August 2, 2020 – 7:25 AM
The Original Fake News
| Hopefully this summer Mr. Zavala will steer his team to victory and win Britain the title of Quidditch World Cup Champions. | The British Quidditch Team Captain In 10 Fascinating Facts! With the Quidditch World Cup well underway now, we here at Witch Weekly thought it was high time we took a closer look at the impressive team looking to bring victory to Britain this year. Chiefly, the captain of the team, Mr. Esteban Zavala. Here are some vitally important facts about Captain Zavala that every patriotic lady ought to be aware of.  The dashing 1890 National Quidditch Captain, Esteban Zavala.
1. Mr. Zavala is not in fact the first Quidditch World Cup player in his family, nor even the first captain! In his youth, Zavala's father was the captain of the national team for Mexico.2. Born May 27th, Mr. Zavala is a Gemini. He is also a Gryffindor alumna. The keen astrologers out there are sure to have a well-formed idea of the sort of man our captain is. 3. Mr. Zavala and an acquaintance once had a hair-raising altercation with a dragon after flying into the beast's lair! He probably still has the scorch marks from the sounds of it. 4. At a respectable 28 years of age, it's likely that Mr. Zavala won't be on the national team when the Quidditch World Cup returns in four years. Now at an age when many quidditch players choose to reture, the British Quidditch League will surely be the poorer for having lost such a good player. 5. To bring him luck and courage in the skies Mr. Zavala dons a ribbon of his mother's around his wrist before every quidditch match. 6. The first broomstick Mr. Zavala owned as a Volar he inherited from his father. His current racing broom is a Grimstone Skyrocket, a rather aptly named broom as anyone who has seen Zavala fly can attest. 7. When he is not captaining the national team, Mr. Zavala is the Captain and first-string Keeper of Puddlemere United. 8. Mr. Zavala has been playing quidditch since his early school days, landing a spot on Puddlemere's second-string straight out of Hogwarts and he hasn't stopped since! 9. His preferred weather conditions for flying are dry, with a gentle breeze. 10. Of all the different moves and tactics in quidditch, Mr. Zavala's favorite is the Starfish and Stick - a tricky technique that can be fatal if performed incorrectly but when mastered makes for an iron defense. Unless of course the keeper has a seeker's build but that's not a problem for Zavala. |
August 2, 2020 – 7:25 AM
The Original Fake News
| Dance Card Revolution: The Latest Ballroom Trends The vision of an evening ball is now a tale as old as time, and everyone in society perfectly acquainted with all its associated mores and habits. It is the foundation of our season, but what makes it work, and why do we keep returning to the ballroom night after night? Or is it time, as this season’s recent events perhaps suggest, to shake things up?  The end of the dance card as we know it?It was widely remarked that the first soiree of the season hosted at the resort last month breathed some new life into a ball’s structure, by including a set of ‘random’ dances quite out of the usual fashion. As well as being refreshing, it certainly does allow for a better integration of society than is usually gained from season to season by forcing people to step outside their prescribed comfort zones. Not only does it serve for better mingling at a party, it spares the humiliation of countless wallflowers who, while served well enough in numbers, tend to lack any forthcoming invitations to dance by less-inclined gentlemen. Why is a gentleman at a party, anyway, if he is not of a mind to partake in the sets? The random dance cards here afford equivalence of opportunity for every debutante, and perhaps grant the opportunity for matches to be made that would otherwise have been overlooked. Perhaps the Sanditon’s experiment has set some new romances in motion? Only time will tell. On the other hand, such tampering with ballroom traditions does have the possibility of upsetting the social structures which exist for a reason. Why tempt fate by allowing impressionable young ladies to be courted through waltzes with gentlemen of lesser wealth and standing than they are? One dance is innocent enough, but anything more might send the wrong message. And think, too, of the other victims of such a scheme: not so refreshing an evening for all, we must say. Poor Mrs. Roslyn Ross, wife of the Minister of Magic no less, had no choice but to waltz with gangling schoolboys! We hope her toes survived it. Mrs. Devine’s Galleon Gala For GLEE: Presentations and Purchases A lovely touch to liven up a charity gala and encourage giving, hosted by the already-esteemed young socialite Mrs. Ophelia Devine, the element of auction gave the most prestigious debutantes a chance to shine (- or hark back to their Coming Out days, if they have had a few too many seasons for comfort -) and gentlemen the incentive to be generous. This system appeared to result in some matches as accidental-looking as the strangest Sanditon pairs, but on the whole allowed equally for guests to mix a little beyond their usual circles for a good cause.  Should debutantes have any right to refuse a partner? We would love to hear from you!What Else Is Next For The Ballroom? But are these signs that the ball is soon to be dead? After near a century of it, have we finally wearied of waltzing? Is the dance card dead, and the hosts to begin arranging dance partners for their guests as they do dinner seating-plans? Perhaps in the future dancing will no longer take centre stage at all. But who knows? The latest and strangest transatlantic dance fads like the Two-step and the (utterly indecent!) Tango may cross the pond in a season or two. (We at Witch Weekly highly doubt it, but anything’s possible.) |
August 2, 2020 – 7:25 AM
The Original Fake News
| We here at Witch Weekly value the thoughts and concerns of our readers. Here is but one letter that we have received from our valued clientele. | Letters from our Readers Many have their own values and opinions on what makes a valued debutante of society. Here is one letter from a rather passionate reader of our last article. Dear Witch Weekly, I can't help but feel the judgment in your "The Sheep and Wolves of the Debutante Season" article was unfair at best, and at worst, insulting. Who's idea was it to put fine young ladies like Miss Angeline Malfoy and Miss Helga Scamander in the same category as a known bastard? And for what? Being unmarried at three-and-twenty or being desirable enough to attract suitors from outside one's own social circle? To help, I have rewritten your article for you. Sheep
Wolves
I would entirely omit Miss Angeline Malfoy, the Zabini sisters, Miss Seraphina Nott, or any other ladies whose only faults, in Witch Weekly's eyes, is existing while unmarried. Signed, A Concerned Debutante |
August 2, 2020 – 7:26 AM
The Original Fake News
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