22 August, 1891 — Darrow Household, Sanditon Terrace

Alfred had intended to let Zelda direct the flow of everything once they were here, because he was aware that this night might matter to her significantly more than it did to him. Not that he wouldn't enjoy it and cherish it and all the rest, but there was an expectation that for young women this night was different and special, and he wanted to make sure that it matched up to her expectations as well as possible. Strictly speaking it wasn't really their first night together, nor their first night as a married couple, but still — if she wanted things to go a certain way, he wanted to make sure he did whatever he could to support that, and he thought the best way to start was to let her take the lead.

His intentions fell by the wayside when they finally made it back to his bedroom (their bedroom, now). He'd known when they were planning this event that today would be a long day, but it was one thing to know it and another to actually live it. He hadn't realized how frustrating it would be to be so close to Zelda all day but at the same time be unable to really talk to her or touch her, because of how many people were watching them at any given moment. So it had been a long day, and he'd spent at least half of it trying not to think about how much he wanted to kiss her, and now they were finally alone. Alfred had crossed to Zelda before the door even finished closing, then took her face between both hands and kissed her deeply.

"Let's never do that again," he joked when he'd finally taken a moment to stop kissing her and breath.

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@"Zelda Fisk" Cassius Lestrange

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

The wedding had gone by incredibly quickly and incredibly slowly at the same time. She couldn't really believe that it had happened — like if she blinked too quickly, she would be waking up in her bed in Bartonburg this morning, and would have dreamt all of it. At the same time, there had been so many people and the hours dragged on, and the worst part of being the bride at a wedding was that everyone seemed to want to talk to her.

Even that couldn't quite damper her spirits, though — she had been grinning for what felt like the entire reception, because for once she didn't mind being the center of attention. It was only once, after all.

Even if it felt surreal, they were married — officially, this time — and her name was Darrow, now, and this house was hers, too, even though she was moved in by only the loosest of definitions. (Boxes, that were coming from Bartonburg tomorrow — a suitcase she'd sent to Alfred's bedroom. Their bedroom, now. Hypothetical intimacy loomed large, and her firsthand knowledge — and the talk she'd had with Ros — had been circling in her brain on and off.)

Planning a wedding hadn't left them much time to really kiss, and Zelda grinned up at Alfred after. She'd put her hands on his chest when they'd been kissing and left them there now, because it was their house, and this was allowed. "Two weddings is definitely enough," she joked.

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AMAZING set by MJ

Alfred smiled at her response. He leaned in to kiss her again, slower and more softly this time. While they kissed he moved his hands to her waist, and then... didn't know what to do next. Alfred had plenty of ideas about what to do next, and he could have run through the entire rest of the night on instinct, except that he wasn't sure what she wanted. They hadn't really resolved the awkward conversation they'd started to dance around when she'd come to visit the house with Caroline, which complicated matters. Had he been basing his decisions solely on that conversation, he might have thought she would want to avoid doing anything at all tonight (since that was the surest way to avoid having children). She wouldn't have let him get away with everything they'd done in the garden in February if she didn't enjoy that sort of thing, though. And she had liked doing those things with him, however she felt about children.

In any case, they were sleeping in the same bed tonight. Alfred had set the house up before this whole maybe not a nursery business had come up in the first place, and he'd been too stubborn to rearrange. And while he was willing to do whatever it took to make Zelda comfortable in their new marriage, he did not plan to spend his wedding night on the sofa in the parlor.

"Can I help you take your dress off?" he asked, running the back of his fingers along the bodice of the dress, while he left his other hand where it had settled on her hip.

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Zelda kept her hands on his chest through their next kiss, mostly because she was — not entirely sure what to do with them. Normally when they kissed like this it was secret, or with some urgency. Now they had time, and even after wanting it so badly for so long, she didn't know what to do with time.

Alfred's question, or maybe the feeling of his fingers through the bodice of her dress, made Zelda shiver. She grinned up at him, a little shy — for the first time, it occurred to her that she ought to be nervous. Alfred was attracted to her, Zelda knew he was attracted to her, but — what if she disappointed him?

"Yes," Zelda said. Even with her sudden nerves, there was a thrill at the question itself, and she pressed her fingertips into the fabric of his shirt. "The ties are in the back."

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Alfred bit back a smile as she explained where the ties were. As though he didn't already know — as though he hadn't spent more than half of his day looking at her in that dress. He moved behind her, letting the hand on her bodice trail around her waist as he did, then leaned in to kiss her neck from behind her shoulder.

"It's a beautiful dress," he said quietly as he started to undo the ties in the back. She was wearing enough layers in this outfit that just untying the dress itself wasn't going to reveal any bare skin, but as he worked the ties off he slid his fingertips inside the fabric of her dress all the same, running his hand over her chemise and feeling the curve of her shoulder blade through it. "You're a beautiful person."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Zelda leaned into Alfred's kiss to her neck, and into the touch to her shoulder. Alfred was the only person who called her beautiful, at least as far as she could remember — and he always sounded like he meant it. But she didn't want to tell him that, did not want to suggest that there was anything wrong with her appearance — and self-deprecation did not fit in with her imagination of her wedding night.

"I wanted to be beautiful for you today," she said, "And — well, because everyone was looking at me all day. But mostly for you."

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Alfred felt a thrill of giddy excitement at her words. He opened his mouth to reply, but found himself speechless; after a brief moment of quiet he leaned down instead to press another kiss to her neck. He wasn't used to people doing anything for him, or if they did they never brought it up. It wasn't as though it really mattered what she looked like today, but the idea that she'd gone out of her way to do something like that for him was humbling. It was a little overwhelming.

He wanted so badly not to disappoint her.

Haltingly, he returned his fingers to the back of her dress, undoing the remaining ties. He reached the bottom of the bodice and then hesitated, letting his eyes run over her back. "Do you want to do this?" he asked quietly.

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

”I’m worried,” Zelda admitted, despite the thrill and despite the desire she had felt for some time. She turned, just slightly, so that she could meet Alfred’s eyes. ”That I’ll be bad at it.”

They had been drunk the last time, and the time in the garden they had not gone this whole way. This time they were both sober, or relatively so, and it was entirely possible that Zelda would disappoint. What if she didn’t know enough about this to be decent at it?

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   J. Alfred Darrow

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Alfred's eyebrows shot up in surprise. When he'd asked if she wanted to do this or not, he'd been anticipating I'm worried I'll get pregnant — not this. If he hadn't just exhaled when she said it, he might have laughed (though it was probably good that he didn't; it wasn't exactly a moment of levity, and he didn't want to give her the impression he was laughing at her if she really thought this). At first he thought she must have been joking, or else he must have either misheard or misunderstood her comment, but her eyes looked sincere.

"You're not going to be bad at it," he said — explaining, not trying to convince, because in his mind there was no other option. Alfred wasn't sure people could be bad at sex — not, at any rate, if they liked the person they were with. He'd heard a handful of stories from other sailors about undesirable encounters, but not with people they knew — not with people they loved. And in all of his previous experience with Zelda, every stolen moment and each touch and kiss, he'd never been given any indication that the two of them would have any trouble making each other happy.

"It's us," he pointed out. "It couldn't be bad."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Zelda wished she was more undressed; her wedding dress, while very pretty, did not offer much in the way of motion, particularly not when it was half off of her. She wanted to be able to kiss him, but they still weren’t quite there, and in the absence of kissing there was nothing for her to do but try to find words to describe her nervousness.

”It couldn’t be bad,” she admitted, with a crooked smile — it couldn’t be that bad because it wasn’t like they had never touched each other, and maybe even if she wasn’t good at it yet she could get better with practice. (Ros said intimacy felt better the more you did it — it stood to reason that one could get better with practice.)

”It feels like it’s the first time,” Zelda admitted, her face flushing, ”Even though it isn’t. Is that silly?”

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Alfred smiled back at her, his a little crooked as well. "It's not silly. It's sort of sweet." He wouldn't have put those words to it, but maybe that same kind of sentiment accounted for some of his nerves, too. He was irrationally worried about how she would react, given all the various shades of trouble they'd gotten into before, and which she'd never expressed any hesitation about. Well— only a little hesitation, and only when it came to the subject of pregnancy. Which might not be entirely resolved, with the wedding.

"Unless you're worried it might hurt again," he said — this being a safer topic than pregnancy. "It shouldn't, I don't think."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Zelda bit her lip; she hadn't been worried about it hurting, at least not until he mentioned it, but now it seemed like a possibility. Except — it shouldn't hurt. And the hurting had gone away fairly quickly last time, too.

A little awkwardly, given that Zelda's dress was starting to slide off her shoulders a little, she turned around and rested her gloved hands on Alfred's shoulders. "I think it's just that — we're married. Publicly and everything, this time," she joked. "And this is the start of it." And she wanted it to be — meaningful, and all that, but didn't know how to make it be that way.

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AMAZING set by MJ

Alfred grinned at her. It would have been impossible not to smile at what she'd said, after they'd waited so long for something like this to actually become a reality. That being said, he understood exactly what she was getting at. It was the same excitement mixed with trepidation that he'd been feeling throughout this entire conversation. He wanted to do this right, nevermind that they'd done a handful of other things before. The trouble was, he didn't know exactly what right was, for Zelda... and it didn't seem that she was confident enough to step in and take the lead, at least not without further prompting.

Alfred touched her hand briefly before sliding it off his shoulder, so that he could return his attention to undoing her dress (mostly because the half-dressed state she was in was beginning to look obviously inconvenient even from his perspective). He worked at the laces quietly for a moment, thinking. "I can, uhm," he began rather awkwardly. He was grateful for the task of taking off her dress, since it meant he didn't have to find another excuse to avoid meeting her eyes as he said this. "I don't have to... finish... inside you. If you're worried about, ah. You know."

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Zelda's face flushed with embarrassment. She ought to have expected a conversation like this, after the whole awkward nursery conversation — and especially after her conversation with Roslyn the other night. Finishing was what could get her pregnant, and she wondered if she ought to bring up the condom Ros had gifted her, which was packed in a small box in one of her suitcases. "I —" Zelda started. She looked up at the ceiling for a second, rather than at Alfred.

"I want children," Zelda said, "I just — I don't want ten of them."

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Alfred let out a breath. It was probably better to just come straight out and talk about it, rather than keep dancing around it, but it still caught him off guard that she was being so frank. Beneath the surprise and embarrassment, though, he felt a wave of relief. "Do you mean that?" he asked in a rush. "Not just saying it? Because it's — I want them, I do," he admitted. He may not have thought much about this before this year, but since the idea had first been brought up it had been growing on him each time he thought it over. By now, it would have been foolish to pretend he was actually ambivalent about it. "But I want you more. And if you really don't want them that's alright. I don't mind. If it's just the two of us forever I'll be the luckiest man in the world already, so — so if you don't you don't have to pretend."

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   Zelda Darrow

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

For a moment Zelda loved him so much she didn't know what to do — because Alfred wanted her more than he wanted children, because he saw her in a way that no one else did, because she was enough on her own. She leaned up to kiss him. "I want them," she said. And it was true — she wanted children, but she knew that if it hadn't been Alfred she wouldn't. He would never resign her to quietly being a mother, and he didn't assume that she wanted so many — and she was enough. "They'd be ours. They'd be great."

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