December 24, 1890 - London, Delaney Townhouse

Evander Darrow

Last Christmas Caroline’s mother had ordered a piano for Caroline to have in the townhouse, presumably suspecting, rightly so, that without this motherly intervention Caroline’s motivation to keep up her piano skills might dissipate altogether. The result was a half hearted attempt to maintain passable skills if Caroline were requested at a dinner party to demonstrate her so-called talent on the piano. Never having fully embraced a love of the piano (Caroline much preferred singing and found that her singing voice was praised much more frequently than her aptness at a piano) Caroline had decided to incorporate the piano into her Christmas decorations. Garland and ribbon were woven over it, with enchanted candles filling in space and cranberry garlands tastefully twined throughout it all.

She was just admiring the effect of this particular decoration when the footman stepped into the room. “Mr. Darrow, my lady.” No one would have missed the wide grin on Caroline’s features at this announcement, she quickly patted her hair (she had the foreknowledge that Evander would call this morning and as such had taken special care with the styling of her hair and gown) and smoothed down her skirts.

“Please, show him in.” Caroline told the servant gracefully, sitting down as if she had been at ease the whole time. The green of her skirts spread over her lap as if she too were a Christmas decoration. Perched on the edge of the couch it was easy enough to lightly spring to her feet at the appearance of her beau. “Evander!” Sincere fondness mingled with affected surprise as Caroline greeted him, a smile she reserved just for him on her lips. She stepped forward, a graceful movement of silk skirts and lace, and took his hands, grateful that Anthony was out on an errand and Hope would know to take her time coming to chaperon Caroline. It was the benefit of having a maid that had grown up with her, she quite understood Caroline’s desire to know Mr. Evander Darrow without observation at all times.

“I’m so glad you are here. I’ve just finished the last of the decorations. What do you think?” She gestured to the piano behind her, remembering his attention to this particular detail of her sitting room the first time he had called upon her.

  

Comfortable enough as he had become calling upon Caroline in the months of their courtship, that this was the last time he would see her before Christmas had given him a small fit of nerves to see him in, all the same. (Tomorrow would be spent with the Darrows; and it would not have been proper to invite her to a small family affair, much as he might have liked to spend it with her.)

Her townhouse rooms were decked out fit for a party, though; he blinked in surprise at how different it looked, festooned with... all sorts. Hurriedly, he set down the small bouquet of flowers and small squareish box he had brought for her presents - the gift in the latter was not perishable as a suitor’s tokens really ought to be, but would hopefully not be so indelicate as to exert any obligation on their attachment; he was glad at least that he had not just brought the flowers, for they looked a little less impressive next to all these garlands - on the side, and kissed her cheek in greeting as she took his hands.

“Happy Christmas, Caroline,” he said, glancing around the room and noting that the maid had not come up yet, again. She was clearly inclined to dawdling; promptness must mean much less across the Atlantic.

“Did you do this all yourself?” Evander asked, eyebrows raising at the unsparing decoration. “For it is very pretty,” he added emphatically, lest she hear some dubiousness in his question; Caroline seemed particularly proud of her work on the piano. The piano was an excellent centrepiece to the room without any additional adornments - he might have caught himself inspecting it a few too many times before - but he cast an eye over it again anyway, as if he had scarcely ever noticed it, and managed to say something to her efforts. “I daresay you have made a fine instrument look even finer.” He was sure she would also look very pretty sitting at it in that green dress to match the garlands - though he suspected all the candles and ribbons atop it might be a little distracting were one to actually try and play.

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   J. Alfred Darrow

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“Happy Christmas, Evander.” Caroline parroted cheerfully, his lips were warm against her cheek. She loved any small attention such as this he gave her, but part of her regretted he had not sought to kiss her lips. He was much too careful for stolen kisses, she had grown to learn, and hardly wishing to influence his thinking of her toward being too forward, she contented herself with these small gestures.

“Oh, I had some help.” She brushed aside his praise, “But thank you, I'm rather pleased with the affect.” The servants after all had brought in some of the decorations but Caroline herself had likely added a few too many decorations to be thought proper of a lady of her station. "I am glad you like them, I had hoped when we are -" Here Caroline fell short realizing what she had almost uttered, what she had almost presumed, and her cheeks grew warm.

His eyes again had traveled to the piano and Caroline was gratified at his remark in the instrument. It did better to look pretty than for her to play it. Although she’d never have admitted as much - nor her supposed deficiency on the subject and as such she rushed past the subject before he could ask her to play for him.

“Come, sit with me.” Caroline led him over to the couch for him to sit beside her. “You must tell me how you’ve been.” Their exchange of letters was comforting when not in his presence but it lacked the details of his facial expressions, his gestures, and the sound of his voice in the retelling.

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   J. Alfred Darrow

I am glad you like them, I had hoped when we are -

New quill nibs.

That was what was wrapped up in that little box for her that he’d set beside the flowers. He had been so extraordinarily pleased with them since he’d bought them, had spent far too long choosing the ones with an etched design upon the metal, ones that matched the slant and thickness of her letters. A little more than a token of sweets, but less than any premature obligation, a perfectly appropriate gift - and now Evander rather wished he could scoop up the gift and stuff it back in his pocket and... perhaps flee?

You had hoped -? he had opened his mouth to begin, bemused by the way she had broken off without explaining herself for a split second; and then the colour of her cheeks explained her thinking well enough. Well, when they were married. That was what she had meant. He felt himself flush slightly, not because he had not considered it inevitable, at some stage - he had, of course - but because she had, and here he was second-guessing her affections by dithering about with Christmas gifts that said this is not bribery; if the engagement is broken you must not feel any obligation towards me.

Now it felt like a gross misjudgement. Why had he not just bought a ring? And Caroline was already leading him towards the couch - Evander cast a longing look over his shoulder, wishing he could furtively vanish the square box before she saw it - so there was nothing to do but sit beside her and forge on as if he was not stewing in a sweaty kind of panic.

He wished he might ask how that sentence had ended - what had she hoped, exactly? What sort of thing did she think about in their future? - but she had asked him something else, so he plastered a smile on his face and tried to pretend he was not babbling. “Oh, well enough, though the house does not look quite as - decorated as this. Though we have a tree, and Charity and her governess did make some little paper ornaments for... but how have you been?”

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   J. Alfred Darrow

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His reply did nothing to dispel Caroline’s thoughts, only bringing her misstep back to the forefront of her mind. Perhaps she ought to mention it, give him a gentle push in the right direction. She’d had to do so before, when she had hoped he would court her. Sometimes she wondered if he might not have acted on that if there had been no pressing thought of another gentleman. Surely after her courting her as he had he intended to marry her. There could be little harm in a gentle push then? Her mother had mentioned before that with some men that was the case. So Caroline made up her mind and forged forward with a shy smile on her lips. “Perhaps next year I might help you with the decorations?” The implication was there, clear as daylight. A young woman simply did not decorate a house that was not her own.

Rather than answering his question she allowed this question to settle between him, to test his reaction and hope she had not been wrong. Already she thought she could feel Evander’s nerves, sense him turning from her and telling her this had been a mistake. But no, she kept herself straight, reminded herself of the few stolen kisses he had risked and the gift box she had seen him bring in. Surely she had not been wrong, surely there was an understanding between them that she had not imagined.

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   J. Alfred Darrow

“Yes - yes, of course,” Evander replied, without any hesitation, as if to prove he was expecting to have married her by then, although he was not certain she meant that remark to have anything to do with marriage. “I would like that very much. I would have had you help this year, if I had known what an eye you had for it,” he added, wondering whether he had convinced her that he had every intention to propose to her, or whether he was just laying it on too thick and all she supposed he cared about was the decorations.

Perhaps he just ought to propose now and be done with it? But that was unconscionable: he could not put in more preparation towards a picnic than a proposal. Asking her to marry him on the fly like this would not speak highly of how worthy he thought her. It would not even signify. Doing anything on the fly was about as nerve-wracking as the thought of her being disappointed in her gifts, in fact, so perhaps he should rule that out. After all, he ought to speak again to her family too... His mind was reeling, then, at everything to be considered - and obviously Caroline had noticed something was off. 

In light of his desire to illustrate his seriousness towards their courtship (or in truth perhaps more in light of his panic, a desire to dissuade her from speaking again, from dropping yet another hint of her impatience?) Evander leant towards her on the couch and kissed her on the mouth, abruptly, with rather more urgency than he had meant, now praying that the maid would be even later to step in.

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   J. Alfred Darrow

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The question seemed to have unsettled Evander, a seed of doubt nudged Caroline’s stomach but she smiled as he continued on. Had he missed her intention? No, she felt certain he understood it clearly with that slight stumble of his words but then he continued on as if brushing everything under the rug. Perhaps he felt she was rushing things? But it seemed their courtship, indeed their entire acquaintance lingered on as if he were unsure of them and their future. Caroline gave him a smile, polite and not as genuine as it ought to have been.

She was forming a response, some way to broach the subject or perhaps it would be better to abandon it when Mr. Darrow did what was, in Caroline’s eyes, the most un-Evander thing to do. He kissed her. Pulling her toward him with such assurety that she could not doubt his feelings for her. Even his lips on her own demanded more they had, as if promising her what his words could not. Caroline leaned in to him, answering with equal urgency, her fingers reaching his shoulders to bring him closer to her. There was no way to doubt his intentions.

Unlike Evander, Caroline enjoyed the risk of such a moment. Perhaps it was what made them such a good match. His safety and her risk. But it was daylight and at any moment Caroline was certain she’d hear the squeak of the wood as Hope made her way into the room or the sound of the butler greeting her Anthony at the door. She pulled away, her breathing shallow as she tried to calm herself, the desire for more fighting with the practically such a moment required. Caroline’s smile was shy as she looked up at Evander, loath to move her face away from his more than mere centimeters. “Evander…” The quiet word came out almost as a caress, there was little she could say when his kiss had said much more than his words.

  

As a tactic, that had worked... surprisingly well, actually. It had stopped her speaking, at least, and short-circuited his panicked thoughts. Realistically, she should not have responded quite as enthusiastically as she had done, but - well, with her hands at his shoulders, it was hard to complain.

That she had been the one to pull away first perhaps also said something of what had come over him; Evander shifted in place, straightening away from her only slightly in some attempt to catch his breath. Caroline, he meant to say, as gently. He had not managed it aloud, quite, but she was still near enough that he suspected she must be able to sense it from him, the sentiment returned, what he wanted to say.

That he meant to marry her, too.

A lock of hair had come unsettled at the nape of her neck, loosed a little from its style. He glanced at the doorway, then back at her, and pressed her hand quickly before he sensed a shadow at the door. 

“I, er... I think I must be coming down with something,” he said more calmly, in explanation or apology. (He was not apologising for the kiss this time, but supposed she deserved one for the rest of his erratics today.) Nor did he much want to return to the stilted conversation they had been having before, particularly, so perhaps a sudden illness was also a good excuse, he considered, to bow out early from this visit and buy himself time enough to actually know what he was doing.

He hoped she would not mind.

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Their faces this close, the intense look in those brown eyes of his, a faint movement of his mouth as if forming words, it was impossible not to know what he meant. The press of his fingers before he moved away reassured her, and Caroline found when he did that a smile softened her features, assured of their future and his regard for her.

He had lifted his gaze from her’s, checking the door way, her mind realized he was making sure they had not been caught, that her reputation would not be harmed even here in the safety of her own home. It was endearing, this protection he provided her, unlike anything she had ever experienced from a man who was not a family member.

Her eyes widened slightly at his explanation, worry creasing her forehead. “Oh,” Caroline caught the movement out of the corner of her eye, Hope joining them, taking a seat by the window and lifting some sewing in her hands. “I do hope you are alright. Perhaps some tea shall help remedy it?” There was confusion there, wondering if his illness was a way to apologize for his liberties, but then she realized it likely had to do with the before. It was all forgiven, of course. Sometimes she had found that words only muddled things with Evander, only make them murkier and more confusing. She often found that a look or a press of his hand, or in this case a passionate kiss, conveyed much more of his thoughts than what he spoke. She’d have to remember her lesson if they were to live a life together.

  

Her maid had come in and she was asking about tea, and if he tried very hard he might be able to fake normality again, to enough extent to survive it, but - no, better to leave the sooner. 

“I think,” Evander said delicately, hoping she would not be unduly offended by the notion that he had come to take advantage of her and abruptly decided to flee as soon as they were chaperoned again. “I think I had better go, in case it is catching,” he explained, feeling as though he was babbling - and though the illness was a blatant lie, certainly feeling not quite himself.

“I am glad to have seen you before the holidays, though,” he murmured, springing up from the couch and glancing at Caroline once more in apology, suspecting that he might even look a little pale and clammy to suit this, though why he would have kissed her if it were catching was anyone’s guess. “Have a happy Christmas - and forgive me?”

(He edged towards the side table as he went, slipping the box of quill nibs back into his pocket and privately cursing himself.)

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Evander waved it away, causing Caroline's brow to furrow in worry. "Of course." She found herself saying politely, although she found herself rather baffled. "I hope you feel well for the holiday."

She stood up as he did, hoping he might at least give her hand a kiss, or show some sort of affection. He truly did not seem quite well, although when he had come in the door he had. "Happy Christmas." Caroline returned, her brow furrowing, she glanced at Hope to see what her maid thought of Mr. Darrow's hasty exit, altogether missing the package that slipped into his pocket.

It wasn't until after Evander had left the room that Caroline realized she hadn't even given him his present. It wasn't anything big, at least for Caroline who had never known any sort of financial boundaries it wasn't big, just the first book of Mr. Tocqueville's works that she rather thought he'd enjoy. She'd have to send it to him with inquires to his health then. How she wished she could have seen his face when he opened it. She'd press him for an explanation later, she decided, once she was sure he was feeling better.