April 13th, 1890 - MacKay Residence
After this thread

How does he sleep at night?
Momma, the nerve of this guy, to leave me so easy
Am I gonna be alright? I wanna kick myself for falling so hard
Momma, can you die from a broken heart?

The walk back to her home in Swallowbury was thankfully short enough the Eva hadn't been able to get herself lost in her drunken stupor, blinded by the anger and hurt over what had just happened with Fletcher.

Oh the nerve of him!!

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she slipped through the back kitchen door, locking it behind her. She leaned against it for a moment, trying to stem the flood with the sleeve of her blouse, but it was no use. She hated this feeling, this nonsensical heartbreak she thought she was long over. Leaving the country hadn't done it, how stupid was she to think she would come out of their first encounter in months unscathed?

It was like she couldn't breathe. Like she was drowning and unable to simply keep her head above water. She'd never felt so foolish in her entire life; had never argued with someone so viscerally either. It was miserable. How could you go from thinking about marrying someone to that person become almost a stranger? Eva had given away a lot of herself to Fletcher and it all felt like another lifetime now- she felt like an idiot because of it.

She'd stormed out if her office at the zoo after saying things she already regretted, but had to make the message clear, leaving him there to deal with the fallout. She couldn't handle it anymore. The champagne was still coursing though her blood stream accompanied by the adrenaline of the fight and she knew she'd never fall asleep now. It was late, certainly after midnight and she assumed nobody was up, but she didn't want to be alone at this particular moment.

Her legs carried her up the stairs before she'd even made the conscious decision, turning left down the hall toward Beau's room in the guest wing instead of toward her own she shared with Una. The door was slightly ajar, a sliver of light peeking through, but she paused outside anyway. The tears had stopped, but she knew the evidence was all over her face. Nothing to be done about it now. She pushed in without knocking, closing the door silently behind her before turning to face him helplessly.

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It'd taken a fair amount of convincing from the other MacKay members for Beau to leave the party without Eva. Her sudden disappearance hadn't sat well with him, surely something had to have happened for her to leave without warning? Beau nearly shouted to stop the noise of the party in search of her until one of their companions mentioned something about Mr. Langley. And, well, that was about as hard a hit as someone could've dealt Beau in that moment.

The arrangement stood without adjustment. Eva had every right to fall back into step with her former flame, just as Beau had no right to be at all upset by her actions. They were friends only, he was here to help with Astra and would eventually be on his way to greener pastures.

Beau left the party not long after realizing with whom Eva had gone off with. Having chosen to walk the long way back to Eva's house, he was only just beginning to disrobe for the night when he heard Eva's light footsteps in the hall. (Briefly, he wondered just how terrible a lover Mr. Langley had to be for Eva to return home so quickly, but that thought was swiftly squashed as soon as he recognized it for jealousy. No right. None at all.) He continued on the buttons of his shirt, certain Eva wouldn't be needing his comfort tonight. No, she had him for that.

Jesus. Why had he ever agreed to aide with settling Astra? Eva was more than capable of managing the arrangements and to date Astra was settling in well. Eva didn't need him, so why the fuck was he here? Why had he been foolish enough to think it was anything other than responsibility and friendship that invited him here? The tightly closed lid on his years of rage and childhood neglect began loosening. Coming to Irvingly had been a mistake, and tomorrow —

His door opened behind him. Beau turned on his heel ready to tell Eva he needed his space for the night, that he wouldn't be used by her as they'd been using one another for nearly half a year. However, one look at her face had his jaw slamming shut, the words of frustration washed down without a second thought. "Eva?" He questioned, his voice quiet but concern clear as day. "What happened?"

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   Eavan Miller

Had she been thinking, she should have just gone to bed, tried to sleep off the impending emotional and physical hangover, but she simply knew there would be no sleep tonight. Eva hadn't any idea what Beau had surmised from her abrupt departure, but she did feel like she owed him some kind of explanation.

Of course his direct question caused a fresh wave of panic and tears and she pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes to an attempt to both stop the flow and to give herself a moment to think. "I -" She hiccuped out a little sob. "I don't know h-how much you s-saw at the party," She had knocked over a waiter and entire tray of glassware after all, it had to have been hard to miss. Merlin she felt like such an idiot.

"It's s-so stupid, I feel like such a fool." She groaned quietly swiping at her eyes. "I tried to just come h-home, I'd already made myself look ridiculous, but h-he followed me a-and took me to my office at the zoo." It sounded a little sinister when she said it out loud, but it had only culminated in a huge argument. The worst ending. "I don't know what he was thinking, but it w-was a huge fight." She sniffled and sighed, body so totally spent of energy, she was surprised she was still upright. "I've never said such cruel or had such hurtful things said to me." This was fucking miserable.

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Beau furrowed his brow as she spoke. What scene had he missed at the party to have allowed this to happen without intervention?! The fucker transported them without her permission? Why hadn't she come to him when she was planning on leaving? Beau would've made sure she got home safely. Not traumatized from whatever hell Mr. Langley just put her through again.

He was moving before he thought better of it, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his bare chest. All the while repeating the mantra to not abandon her here to go throttle Mr. Langley. The healer had to be a bloody idiot for allowing someone as amazing as Eva to feel this hurt by his words. Beau rubbed her back as he contemplated what to say that wouldn't upset her further (because 'I'm going to kill him' obviously wouldn't work).

"Here, come sit." He murmured, guiding her before she could protest. "It'll be alright. Words can be healed in time. Words can be fucking stupid sometimes but that's all they are. It will all work out."

  

Eva hadn't known what to expect from Beau at this point in the evening, but she was not disappointed in his response. She melted into him easily, folded herself against him as she tried to compose herself and get control of her breathing. It was easier when she could feel his steady- although slightly rapid heartbeat against her cheek. Allowing herself to be pulled toward the bed, Eva curled up easily with him, still trying to rationalize what had just happened and how she had wound up here.

"It's so fucked up," She mumbled. Eva had just spent nine months with only male company, she was no stranger to foul language at this point. "I cannot believe I let myself get so wrapped up in this nonsense." What the hell was wrong with her? Honestly. She was every parents cautionary tale to their daughters on why you don't get caught up in pre-marital affairs. What would have happened if they had gotten married after all? Eva couldn't even imagine what her life would have looked like. Curling in tighter, she pressed herself against him just trying anything she could think of to ground herself.

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Love, in Beau's experience, was a load of shit. People loved and fought and loved again in one endless vicious cycle that either ended in a thinly veiled hatred filled marriage or separation. The thrill of the chase was where people were happiest and everything following that just sucked. Which then, once again, begged the question, why was he here in this arrangement with Eva? If they were just caught in the thrill, wouldn't it be easier to leave sooner than later? To spare themselves the stress of what came after?

Beau's grip tightened slightly on her small frame at the thought of leaving. Maybe he was drunker than he thought. "It is nonsense." He agreed. "It's pain and grief and all sorts of emotions we might never experience otherwise." Love might not have been worth it with most, but to find the right person? To be happy and stay happy? How could that be anything but the dream? Eva likely wasn't his right person, and he truly should leave before either of them fell into the spiral of the chase, but he didn't want her resenting the idea of love. Not when her right person was out there somewhere. Not when she had the chance to be happy. "It hurts less and less the further you move from it. Fletcher wasn't it for you, but someone will be. Don't give up forever."

  

Eva had to wonder why people put themselves through this. Certainly it wasn't always like this. When she and Fletcher had first started out, everything was fine, they'd reached a steady agreement, more solidified than the one she had with Beau currently, but also one founded on love rather than a mutual respect for the other's boundaries. How wrong she had been. This was working out far better, though not how she'd originally intended.

This time she was much more guarded. Even so, she could tell she was breaking her own rules slowly but surely, which is likely why Fletcher had caught her so off guard. Eva really hadn't spared him much thought, outside of her return to Scotland and therefore preparing herself to run into him eventually. Perhaps she just hadn't thought he'd have been able to dredge up all of those old feelings again. Again, she'd been so wrong. Her agreement with Beau felt more genuine and was certainly part of the reason she'd been able to bury those emotions, just not down far enough apparently.

"I rather think I'm done anyway." Despite his efforts, Eva knew now that any feelings she'd developed for Beau would certainly be kept to herself. Stick to the arrangement. When he inevitably moved on, so would she. She had to be content with that, with being in the moment and enjoying it while it lasted. She absolutely refused to set herself up for such heartbreak again.

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Beau, unsure of what else to say to sway her, simply pressed a light kiss to her hair. Merlin, he hoped she wasn't done. He hoped there was a path that led to them being more someday, but vocally admitting to as much was something he was woefully unprepared for. It was quite possible he would never be prepared to confess the confusing feelings he had towards Eva.

"Staying here tonight?" He questioned as he disentangled himself from her. Even in a stranger's house Beau hadn't been able to shake the habit of needing to sleep in the buff. Quickly and efficiently Beau shrugged off his remaining layers, leaving only his under things (and only because he didn't want Eva to feel pressured for more), and climbed back into bed.

  

Despite the fact that her own head space was certainly a mess, it didn't stop her from wondering just what Beau was thinking right now. She was having a hard time reading him, which was certainly unusual. Her predicament involved him to some degree, but Eva was so utterly and completely over Fletcher and whatever future he'd held for her that she couldn't help but to think she was leaning a little too much on Beau at the moment. Things were supposed to be casual, though she knew they were straying slightly on nights like this.

Beau unwound himself from her and moved to get ready for bed. Watching him pensively for a moment, she bit her lip, wondering what she should do right now. It seemed unfair to come crying to him because of some other man, but she didn't really want to go back to her own room to ruminate over it. What the hell was wrong with her?

"Do you want me to?" She asked finally, tired blue eyes fixated on his handsome face, trying to get a better reading on where he was at. Her whole body was tired and she was beyond ready for bed, but she didn't want to impose on him any further if he didn't want her here.

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That was the question, wasn't it? Just five minutes ago Beau had been ready to argue with her, to demand some sort of answer, to leave. Her crying had certainly broken the spell of those emotions, but doubts still lingered. He had feelings for her, feelings that were not meant to be involved in their arrangement. Really, he should tell her no and take some space fo sort himself out. The last thing either of them needed right about now was complicated.

But, he had never been able to turn her away. Even on the nights when his skin crawled from haunted memories he still allowed Eva to remain nearby. He still wanted her to stay close. "Yeah, I do." He said softly despite all the doubts. There would be time tomorrow to work himself out, to suppress his thoughts and emotions. For now he would comfort her as best he could.

  

Relieved he agreed, Eva automatically also felt guilty for leaning so heavily on him. This had been part of the problem with Fletcher all along and would likely be a bit of an issue in any future relationship she entertained; she was an independent person, but she trusted someone, she tended to overstep and cross the line.

Letting out an audible sigh, Eva stood and started the arduous process of getting out of the layers she still wore. Pants were certainly easier and the blouses she wore did not necessitate a corset, but still, it was a tedious task she didn't quite enjoy. She shrugged out of her jacket while she slipped out of her boots and tossed the former over the nearest chair. Once the process was complete she traded her shirt for his discarded one and let her hair loose.

Sheepishly she crawled into bed beside him, not enjoying the sensation of the room spinning. Eva closed her eyes to still the motion, but it barely worked, so instead she curled into him and tried to anchor herself. "Thank you." She whispered.

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