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Witch Weekly
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Issue #294, July 1895
The Minister's Pet Werewolf
Some of our readers may have forgotten (for which we would not blame them; keeping up with politics can be frankly exhausting and is in most cases better left to men, who have the energies for such things) but Minister Ozymandias Dempsey was notably soft on werewolves during his ministerial campaign. He advocated (though has yet to action) reforms to the process to protect the anonymity of werewolves, on the argument that this would encourage more of them to come forward and follow the established procedure for monthly interment in the Ministry cells.
At the time few thought this especially noteworthy, particularly compared to his louder and more immediately relevant opinions on voting reform, but in light of recent developments we can't help but wonder: why does the Minister care so much about werewolves? Perhaps a few facts about the behavior of werewolves can shed light here...
It is a scientifically proven fact that female werewolves are incapable of carrying children to term.
Werewolves have been known to engage in society only sporadically or erratically, to better mask their regular monthly disappearances.
They are known to be irritable and disagreeable, particularly at certain times of the month.
It has been speculated that it is easier for werewolves to remain hidden in families that have large country estates due to the ease of isolating the afflicted during the full moons without arousing suspicion by close neighbors.
Astute readers will have already made the obvious connections. The question becomes not whether Minister Dempsey has anyone in his life fitting this description, but whether there are any significant Dempsey women who don't. At the time of writing this author believes the only truly safe figure among the bunch is Mrs. Christabel Daphnel, who lived in Hogsmeade for a year following her marriage and who would likely have struggled to keep such a secret under these conditions.
Miss Porphyria Dempsey, on the other hand, has never married and shows no inclination to, quite possibly because marrying would put a spotlight on her inability to bear children and expose her to scrutiny. The Minister's wife Thomasina Dempsey has been childless over eight years of marriage. Both women are known to disdain society and be, at times, entirely disagreeable.
The Minister's relationship with his wife has been the subject of some scrutiny even before his campaign, as the two seem at times not even able to stand each other. Perhaps their marriage was born not of affection but from camaraderie — because Thomasina Dempsey shared an affliction that the Minister was already all too familiar with, having helped shield his eldest sister for some time?
In any case, this author doubts very much we will see meaningful restrictions placed on werewolves under Minister Dempsey, in spite of recent events having shone a light on how lax the current restrictions are!
At the time few thought this especially noteworthy, particularly compared to his louder and more immediately relevant opinions on voting reform, but in light of recent developments we can't help but wonder: why does the Minister care so much about werewolves? Perhaps a few facts about the behavior of werewolves can shed light here...
It is a scientifically proven fact that female werewolves are incapable of carrying children to term.
Werewolves have been known to engage in society only sporadically or erratically, to better mask their regular monthly disappearances.
They are known to be irritable and disagreeable, particularly at certain times of the month.
It has been speculated that it is easier for werewolves to remain hidden in families that have large country estates due to the ease of isolating the afflicted during the full moons without arousing suspicion by close neighbors.
Astute readers will have already made the obvious connections. The question becomes not whether Minister Dempsey has anyone in his life fitting this description, but whether there are any significant Dempsey women who don't. At the time of writing this author believes the only truly safe figure among the bunch is Mrs. Christabel Daphnel, who lived in Hogsmeade for a year following her marriage and who would likely have struggled to keep such a secret under these conditions.
Miss Porphyria Dempsey, on the other hand, has never married and shows no inclination to, quite possibly because marrying would put a spotlight on her inability to bear children and expose her to scrutiny. The Minister's wife Thomasina Dempsey has been childless over eight years of marriage. Both women are known to disdain society and be, at times, entirely disagreeable.
The Minister's relationship with his wife has been the subject of some scrutiny even before his campaign, as the two seem at times not even able to stand each other. Perhaps their marriage was born not of affection but from camaraderie — because Thomasina Dempsey shared an affliction that the Minister was already all too familiar with, having helped shield his eldest sister for some time?
In any case, this author doubts very much we will see meaningful restrictions placed on werewolves under Minister Dempsey, in spite of recent events having shone a light on how lax the current restrictions are!
Also in this issue...
Barrows' Bits & Bob's- Spirit mirrors, curse glass, aculicods, rememberalls, jinx jelly and more. 10% off store wide this weekend. 15 Knockturne Alley.
Page 1 — 10 Debutantes we suspect are using beauty potions this season
Page 3 — Your best friend might be a werewolf — What next?
Page 6 — Everything you're doing wrong with your new baby
Page 16 — The curse of Hogwarts? A partial list of professors who have died on the grounds.
Page 20 — What his favorite leisure activities say about his suitability as a husband
Page 23 — Hogwarts alternatives: the exclusive boarding schools competing for the children of Europe's ultra-rich
Page 29 — What feminists want and why they've gone too far
Page 33 — Life after (his) death: four widows discuss finding new purpose after matrimony
Page 38 — Love or Law? Does a wife have a duty to report her lycanthropic husband?
Page 3 — Your best friend might be a werewolf — What next?
Page 6 — Everything you're doing wrong with your new baby
Page 16 — The curse of Hogwarts? A partial list of professors who have died on the grounds.
Page 20 — What his favorite leisure activities say about his suitability as a husband
Page 23 — Hogwarts alternatives: the exclusive boarding schools competing for the children of Europe's ultra-rich
Page 29 — What feminists want and why they've gone too far
Page 33 — Life after (his) death: four widows discuss finding new purpose after matrimony
Page 38 — Love or Law? Does a wife have a duty to report her lycanthropic husband?
This issue is made possible by our sponsors: Lionsbridge African Parrots
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New storefront opening soon in Diagon Alley.