Feb, 16. 1891

It had been two days and Basil still couldn’t get that blasted Witch Weekly nonsense out of his mind. He’d relieve the bin in his office already, just to be wholly rid of the things and even still - the notes haunted him. Who in his life would have thought it at all appropriate to post such an impertinent advertisement on his behalf? Deciding to do something about it once and for all, Basil set aside the student essay he was clearly not focused on and pulled out some parchment to scribble a few notes.

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Eldritch –

Please do not take this in any way as a slight, but do you have any knowledge of a recent inquiry that was made on my behalf in that hogwash periodical Witch Weekly?

I’ve received two responses already and I’m, frankly, quite disconcerted.

Yours always,
Basil

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Eldritch Morgan

  

Basil,

Addressing your letters "Eldritch" — why so serious? I hope you don't suspect me?

I've read the advertisements. Some of them are quite amusing. Which is yours, I wonder?

The first contestant dubs himself "The Chocolate Frog Prince" which seems too silly for you, I must admit; if this is the correct entry whoever submitted it must have either not known you well or been particularly liberal with their embellishments. But — "patient with culinary experiments" — oh dear, certainly not you. Have you ever even been in a kitchen?

Shall I continue? I have the whole page of advertisements at my disposal.

Yours,
E. C. Morgan

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   Basil Foxwood

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Nee –

How well you know me... I'll admit, I did wonder if it was you as a sort of prank but I see now that I was mistaken.

Please, don't make light of this! I'm quite unhappily engaged with this drivel and hate to think what could have been said. Is there anything in there more obviously... well, me?

Yours desperately,
Basil

P.S. I have no culinary inclinations whatsoever. I do, however, know how to make tea all on my own!

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Eldritch Morgan

  

Basil,

Making tea! Your mother must be so proud.

Alright, here are some more serious contenders. None of them are quite perfect but I suppose it matters how much the author wanted to fool around with you. 'A Sensitive Soul,' for instance, has the wrong class and initial, but I do enjoy the idea of you being bombarded with bad poetry from every likely young lady; perhaps someone else does, too. Atticus might have sent 'Kindred Spirit' for you if he meant to entrap you into being a gentleman of leisure, I suppose. Seeking Lively Lady has the added bonus of keeping you out of the kitchen by transferring that burden to your soon-to-be lady love.

Focused Gentleman seems the most likely, though I'm not sure what's meant by "equally devoted wife." Equally devoted to what? To her husband, to academia? To being upper class?

Yours,
Nee

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[WW page attached, with the following titles circled: Kindred Spirit, A Focused Gentleman, Seeking Lively Lady, A Sensitive Soul]

  

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Nee,

By George... these are all horrendous. Who in their right mind would subscribe to such desperation?

I do think you're right about 'Focused Gentleman' and I'll bet a galleon it was my mother who sent this in. It reads just like her. My best guess is she means as devoted to me as I am to my work, however embarrassing that may be. She always says how devoted I am to the things I deem important. Merlin! I hope nobody of consequence is able to trace this back.

Why don't your sisters or mother play tricks like this on you? It would be nice to have a shoe on the other hook for a change.

wholly embarrassed,
Basil

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Eldritch Morgan

  

Basil,

They don't play these sorts of tricks on me because no one has given up on me yet. Unlike you, I tend to actually talk to women at parties and things. If you're trying to get them off your case, perhaps you should try it — it works wonders.

I did warn you that the lot of them were rather ridiculous before I sent them to you. But — a small confession. I did actually write to one of them. She's in the middle of the page, titled "prove me wrong" — should be fun, don't you think? I'm not expecting anything to come of it, of course, but it seemed like an amusing letter exchange was bound to follow if I reached out. Will keep you posted on the ensuing hilarity, should it occur.

Yours,
Nee

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Nee,

I'll have you know I've been playing by every single one of their rules as late, even so far as going to London to court on a woman! With flowers and everything! So far it's bought me no good will save for this blasted advert.

I wish you luck on your endeavours, always, and look forward to the wedding. This one at least seems sensible enough to know she's mad, but not enough to combat it with reason.

Which leads me to another point I've been meaning to write you... Did you know Liss- Are you free to meet one of these upcoming weekends in Hogsmeade? I need a break from this place and a respite with your easy presence sounds ideal for the news I've to share. I don't know why it bothers me so, but it does.

respectfully yours,
Basil

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Eldritch Morgan

  

Basil,

Flowers! Great Merlin, you are playing with fire. I should not have brought flowers. Women have invented a whole language with them, did you know? Who knows what you might be promising when you show up, wholly unsuspecting, with a bouquet in hand. Who is this lucky lady, whom you may already be unwittingly engaged to (or else have accidentally insulted with your choice of peonies and babys breath)?

Of course I'm free on any weekend you like — my career isn't the one which requires corralling the youth on weekends and evenings just trawling the Hogsmeade slums in search of more statements that will never see court, which is another matter entirely.

fondly,
Nee

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   Basil Foxwood

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Nee,

Wonderful, let's set a date then. How about March or April? I believe my Hogsmeade duties have me quite tied up until then, especially after the recent stint home. I can't afford to anger Black if I want that Head of House title any time soon...

And yes, I am quite aware! Mother has made the entire thing a lasting nuisance resulting in my memorizing at least a few of the meanings and symbols. (She's quite aggressive assertive my mother.) I arrived in London with only blue periwinkles and white acacias. Both blatant symbols of friendship, and nothing more. However, if you ever have need of offense, try slapping someone with an orange lily or showing jealousy by spearing them with the stem of a yellow hyacinth. That will get all the skirts in a huff.

yours,
Basil

P.S. - Oh, and the young lady is Ms. Victoire Malfoy.

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Eldritch Morgan

  

Basil,

Doesn't someone have to die or retire for you to get the Head of House position? I haven't heard of any upcoming retirements (though admittedly I'm not much in the loop on Hogwarts staff gossip, except as I hear it through you). I hope you haven't planned anything nefarious.

I had no idea you'd become such a casanova when it came to courting through flowers. I really doubt your mother is the only one to blame — what have you been up to? Was Miss Malfoy the first woman you paid a call on this winter?

yours,
Nee

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