Cupcake, to Handsome: I've organized your messages into three categories.
"From Sweetie",
"Death threats",
and "Death threats from Sweetie".

  

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Magic by Lady!

Wanna be there for Sweetie during her post-election slump?

(Courtesy of Dirk Gently)

Billy Darrow, with a serial killer stare: Why hasn't anyone called you?
Ford: What?
Billy: I've had your phone for a day, why hasn't anyone called you?
Ford: (nervous) Someone will call.
Billy: Oh yeah? Who?
Ford: My... girlfriend...?
Billy: Mmhm. She seems real.

The following 3 users Like Fortitude Greengrass's post:3 users Like Fortitude Greengrass's post
   Freddie Prewett, Hamish Darrow, Noble Greengrass

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Set by Lady!

Zelda: I have three sisters and six brothers. We steal each other's stuff, break into each other's houses, set each other's clothes on fire. There are no rules.
J. Alfred Darrow: What?

The following 4 users Like Zelda Darrow's post:4 users Like Zelda Darrow's post
   Elsie Kirke, Friendless Night, Hamish Darrow, J. Alfred Darrow

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AMAZING set by MJ

Not my gang but:

Benjamin Woodcroft: You stole something.
Friendless Night: Found. It's like stealing, but no one yells at you.

The following 3 users Like Reuben Crouch's post:3 users Like Reuben Crouch's post
   Aldous Crouch, Cassius Lestrange, Roberto Devine

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MJ made this <3

#SuccessionEdition, where a bunch of these characters are not even mine:

Charles Macmillan: I land a wife, I kill Edward. I'm crowned the king. Just like in Hamlet. If that happens in Hamlet. I don't care.

I saw this about Begonia's laugh and always hear this:

Mrs. Belby: Begonia Belby, when you laugh, please do it in the same volume as everyone else. We didn't get you from a hyena farm.

Calliope to Loretta Browne: But he said that to be nice. What I think he meant to say was that he wished that mum had given birth to a can-opener, because at least then it would be useful.

[deciding who to blame for a ~family scandal]

Frida Lestrange : What about you? What about Kristoffer?
Kris: What about me? Let's hear it. What's the pitch?
Frida: You're widely known as a horrible person.

Monty Morales: I can promise you that I am spiritually and emotionally and ethically and morally behind whoever wins.

[at thanksgiving, if thanksgiving were a thing here]

Ambrosia Selwyn: (sarcastic) I'm thankful for... all the love Trystan has shown to me, and for never being selfish or self-centred or egocentric or unfaithful.
Trystan: You're welcome.

Elon Wildsmith: Look, here’s the thing about being rich, it’s like being a superhero, only better. You get to do what you want. The authorities can’t really touch you. You get to wear a costume, but it’s designed by Armani and it doesn’t make you look like a prick.

Claude: Bet Dad's going to try and win at therapy.
Cassius Lestrange: Well, he hasn't done therapy with me yet. I'm an expert.
Ellory Lestrange: My guy says that if my mother had had therapy, I wouldn't need so much.

The following 6 users Like Elias Grimstone's post:6 users Like Elias Grimstone's post
   Begonia Belby, Cassius Lestrange, Charles Macmillan, Elsie Kirke, Lachlan MacFusty, Roslyn Ross

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look ANOTHER beautiful bee!set <3

Lachlan MacFusty: You're a pain in the ass, but you get stuff done.
@"Juliana Binns": What a delightful compliment.

Also Juliana, to Lachlan: Look at your things. Look at your life.

Fortitude Greengrass: Your unpredictable mood changes are frightening and disorienting.
Cash: Aww, thanks for noticing.

Angie Swan: When I go missing just feel free to tell everyone that the last place I was spotted was at a sketchy bar on the outskirts of town meeting randoms.

Noble Greengrass: Oh, I'd kill for a good coma right now.

The following 3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Elsie Kirke, Fortitude Greengrass, Freddie Prewett

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MJ made this!

Arthur Pettigrew: I’m the one who got us into this mess, so I’ll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess.

@"Juliana Binns": Next question. You’re into me.
Lach: That’s not a question.
Jules: So you agree, it’s a fact.

J. Alfred Darrow: Ow, son of a bi...!
Evander Darrow, gesturing to Charity: Alfred! Children!
Alfred: ... iscuit. Son of a biscuit. That's it.
Evander: Nice save.
Alfred: Yeah. Fucking nailed it.

Hermia Bonaccord: Are you ready for your History OWL tomorrow?
Cameron, chilling with the Huffepuff team: Definitely.
Hermia: What ended in 1886?
Cameron: 1885
Hermia:
Calla Potts : I mean, he’s not wrong.

Royal Pyrites: Can I say something that will probably annoy you?
Eldin: Since when do you ask for permission?

Cadawalader Selwyn: If it isn’t my archenemy Cameron Gillenwater...
Cadawalader: And his friends Sloane Bixby and Calla Potts, to whom I am fairly indifferent.

The following 4 users Like Freddie Prewett's post:4 users Like Freddie Prewett's post
   Adrestia Dantés, Cassius Lestrange, Elias Grimstone, Elsie Kirke

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— set by mj <3 —

Jack spent 12 hours in the hospital yesterday (he's fine!) and he took notes when he overheard interesting conversations because he had literally nothing to entertain himself with. His loss is your gain. Incorrect Quotes, Jack's Hospital Stay Edition:

If JK were healers:

Kieran Abernathy: "This hospital's phone number is 666-6666. That's not good, Jude. They're killing people over there for sure!"
Jude Wright: "Kieran, you can't say that in front of an alert patient."

Angie Swan: "Are you married? My friend wants to set you up with someone."
Ben: "Uh, yeah, I'm married."
Angie: "Happily?"
Ben: "Yes, happily!"
Angie: "Is that your wedding ring?"
Ben: "Yes!"
Angie: "Does that look like the the ring of a happy marriage?"

Billy Darrow: "I don't feel like I should be here."
Noble: "Then you shouldn't have taken drugs and chased people down Main Street."

Valerian: "Whose alarm is that?"
Mariana Macnair: "It's him, over there. Apnea."
Valerian: "Is he gonna die?"
Mariana: "Not from that."

The following 3 users Like Reuben Crouch's post:3 users Like Reuben Crouch's post
   Angie Swan, Cassius Lestrange, Emma Flitwick

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MJ made this <3

Fitzroy Prewett: Oh no, we’re not together.
Camilla: You literally could not have said that faster.

Fortitude Greengrass: I literally don’t remember a single fight we’ve had.
Noble: Well, in a house this small we have to forget the tiny irritants.

Ford: Noble, our sisters have literally hit rock bottom, they're not in the mood for your jokes right now.

Matilda Zabini: How are my eyes? Are they puffy?
Domitian Zabini: No, they look how they usually look.
Matilda: So now my eyes are usually puffy?

Art in Fredart, basically: That side of my family has a bit of a reputation for conflict. And mass murder. And purism. And gun play.

The following 3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:3 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Aldous Crouch, Fortitude Greengrass, Grace Greengrass

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MJ made this!

@"Jemima Farley": *writing in diary using a glitter gel pen* I'm losing my sense of humanity

The following 5 users Like Grace Greengrass's post:5 users Like Grace Greengrass's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Elias Grimstone, Leonid Fisk, Violette Fernsby, Zenobia Zabini

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Jules, about Verity: Never show your hand. Let them assume you're weak, and then, when their guard is down, SMASH THEM WITH A PHONE.

Jules, about Lach: Aw, that's so cute. And I told him he didn't know anything about relationships.
Camilla Lytton, suggestively: He may not, but he sure would be good in one.

The following 1 user Likes Juliana Ainsworth's post:1 user Likes Juliana Ainsworth's post
   Holly Scrimgeour

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Prof. Marlowe Forfang

Jules

Probably Friendless Night to Benjamin Woodcroft at some point

I'm not going to stand here and listen to you accusing me of things I clearly did.

The following 2 users Like Friendless Night's post:2 users Like Friendless Night's post
   Fortitude Greengrass, Holly Scrimgeour

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endy's gender is hard to discern from voice and appearance alone
goes by multiple aliases - but mostly by Nico

set by mj!

Leonid: I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on a Portkey trip.

Xena: what's worse than heartbreak?
Leonid, immediately: stepping on a cats tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry

The following 2 users Like Leonid Fisk's post:2 users Like Leonid Fisk's post
   Elladora Black, Elsie Kirke

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Set by MJ

Reuben Crouch: You're toast.
Elmer Macmillan : Oh yeah? You and what toaster?

The following 3 users Like Dionisia Fisk's post:3 users Like Dionisia Fisk's post
   Cassius Lestrange, Elmer Macmillan, Reuben Crouch

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Evander Darrow: You can't spend the rest of your life alone dressed in black, listening to angry music and staying up all night.
Charity Lloyd: Yes I can.

Antigone Lestrange: What can I get him he'll love?
Cash: I don't know, my dad doesn't really like things.

Kristoffer Lestrange: It's not what's in it for me. It's just, what is in it for me?

Art: If it makes you feel any better nobody hates me more than me. Generally speaking.
Melody Crouch: Fair enough.

Zelda: Hm, I thought I was shame eating in private.
J. Alfred Darrow: What is shame eating?
Zelda: We don't have time for that tonight.

The following 2 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post:2 users Like Cassius Lestrange's post
   Antigone Lestrange, J. Alfred Darrow

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MJ made this!

November Malfoy: I have a disease called “I believe I will have the love I have been reading about all these years one day”

The following 1 user Likes Dionisia Fisk's post:1 user Likes Dionisia Fisk's post
   Reuben Crouch

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