Yeah, well, she probably had a point there — but Alfred wasn't really thinking about this from the man's perspective, because he didn't really care about the bloke. He cared about Jo, and he knew that trying to pressure her in to being ready for a step she didn't want to take wouldn't do her any good, particularly not when she was already this frantic and anxious. If she was worried about hurting him, though, that was a tricky knot to untie. Alfred didn't understand everything about her relationship with this man — only the details she'd shared with him — but it didn't seem as though there was a way to extricate herself from it now without hurting him. And she clearly couldn't stay, not if the thought of staying made her feel like this.

She felt trapped, he could tell. He knew that feeling, too, and he understood what she meant when she said she needed to leave. He'd had the same instinct, when things had seemed hopeless with Zelda but he still couldn't get her out of his head. He would have been in India right now, were it not for the cursed chest that had made its way onboard the Voyager. Sometimes, leaving was the only thing to do.

"Maybe," he allowed. He didn't know enough about the situation to say for sure, but neither could he tell her she was wrong. He slid his hands into the back pockets of his trousers and shifted his weight, eying her. "Did you want me to come with you?" he asked. "Is that why you came over today?"

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

She didn't have an answer for him, largely because the one she immediately wished to say was too vulnerable an admission. Obviously, Alfred couldn't leave England now if he was planning to move into a house and leave his ship for six months out of the year. Nor would it be wise to ask him to leave when things might've still been uncomfortable with Zelda. He couldn't have left with her, even if he did want her to.

"No." She stated firmly, albeit a beat too late. "You're getting married soon by the looks of it. Engaged at the very least." Her tone was more disappointed than bitter, though there was some that was likely some bitterness that slipped through. "No. You couldn't."

  

The pause before she answered said a lot, he thought. Oh, Jo.

She was right, of course. He couldn't go anywhere. The timing was all wrong, and he had too many other things he was juggling at the moment. He certainly couldn't go anywhere now, when he still had the meeting with Mr. Fudge scheduled for next week; it would look bad to cancel, like he wasn't going to be reliable, and it might get the tentative job offer rescinded. And the rest of the month had plenty to keep him busy, and then hopefully in April he might be able to work his way around to actually asking, and then he'd have this new thing at the Sanditon to keep him busy starting in May. The timing was all wrong, but that didn't mean he didn't want to go with her. They'd already talked about leaving together on a few occasions, but seeing her so frantic and so ungrounded made him want to stay with her all the more. But wanting wouldn't do her much good, would it? She needed more than just his good intentions and his empty words.

He shrugged and shot her a half-apologetic smile. "Well, I mean... nothing's official yet." Which was true, but it didn't do her any good. "Where are you going to go?"

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

"It's doesn't matter." Anywhere. Greece, The North Sea, anywhere that would have provided an escape from this reality. Her arms folded tightly across her chest and she took one last look at the blank walls. Coming here was a mistake, even if Alfred had agreed with her. If anything, it was even more upsetting that he agreed. Jo couldn't be here a minute longer.

Her frown deepened, and before he could stop her again she made for the jar of floo powder. "Best of luck with the marriage. Probably best you don't invite me, with all the issues with Zelda and all." She likely wouldn't be in the country for it, anyway, but would've made the effort before this afternoon. Before the unfortunate realization that he was going to move on with his life and she was going to be ... nowhere. Alone.

She strode to the fireplace.

  

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beautiful set by mj

Alfred felt a drop in his stomach as she set about leaving again. He didn't have any real right to stop her, and he didn't have anything to say to stop her, not really. But if she left like this, that was it, wasn't it? If she left then he was never going to see her again. At the very least, he wasn't going to get to spend time with her the way they'd been used to. They'd just gotten back on the right footing two weeks ago, and here they were at the crossroads again, and —

And when she said best of luck with the marriage it made his cheeks flush, but with anger instead of embarrassment. They were at this crossroads again because she'd forced them to it. He'd meant it when he said that he wanted their friendship to last, whatever happened with Zelda, and he still meant it. She had this idea she was still holding on to that the two relationships couldn't coexist, and that was just stupid. He was about to lose her and he didn't have to, there were no rules saying he did, and she was just insisting on driving a wedge between the two of them because she was in the middle of some sort of weird self-destructive depressive spiral.

"Jo," he said, stepping between her and the fireplace and moving to grab her arm. "Don't," he said firmly. Don't leave, don't do this, don't say shit like that, don't force this to be something it isn't, don't be this way. "Please."

The following 1 user Likes J. Alfred Darrow's post:1 user Likes J. Alfred Darrow's post
   Jupiter Smith

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

Once again, Alfred was stopping her from leaving. Jo tried wrenched her arm from his grasp once again, if only to back away from him. It didn't matter that he thought they could still be friends (they couldn't) or that he continued to entertain the idea of traveling with her (he shouldn't). None of it fucking mattered because she was about to break Zach's heart, and she couldn't watch Alfred be happy doing the one thing she couldn't. She couldn't watch Alfred be married and sacrifice everything for it when the very thought of doing so herself gave her such intense nausea.

"Don't what?!" She demanded. "I can't fucking stay here, Alfred." Here, his flat, this country. If she was to break Zach's heart, then she ought to do it the cleanest way possible. She ought to just go, to spare him any further fluffy romance. Her eyes dampened with hot tears, though mercifully none fell. Jo stared up toward's the ceiling as if that might push the water back inside her skull. "I can't stay."

  

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beautiful set by mj

Alfred's grip on her arm tightened as she tried to pull back. He didn't want to let go of her. He didn't know what would happen if he let go. Even though he was standing between her and the fireplace, she might leave. She might just disappear, or she might do something drastic and frantic, and he didn't want to let go. Even if this turned into a wrestling match in his living room, he didn't want to let go.

"You —" he started, but he didn't know what to say. You can stay. But it wasn't as though saying it would convince her, not when she was steps away from the fireplace and she'd already stopped hearing him. She was back in fight-or-flight mode; he'd only managed to talk her down for a moment, and even though he was holding onto her arm she was more or less already gone. If he could break through the wall again, maybe he could say something that would get through to her, but how was he going to do that?

"You —" he tried again; lapsed. You can't leave like this. But that was selfish, and it wouldn't work. That was just about him, about how much he didn't want to lose her, and Jo wasn't going to hear that right now. If she was set on leaving the country even though it would hurt this man she said she loved, why would it matter that he wanted her to stay for a few more minutes?

In the intensity and the sudden closeness of the moment, a thought occurred to him unbidden — something that might break through her defenses again, if only briefly. Thought was actually the wrong word; it was something less than that. A feeling, a suggestion, an impulse — but one he didn't think he'd ever experienced before. His breath caught in his throat; he held it.

  

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

"What!" She shouted, still pulling at his arm. Her thoughts were racing with what she would need for a quick escape. Her trunk, obviously. Some money. She had her emergency stash still, but that was significantly less than what she typically travelled with. She could sell off some of the relics she still had, random artifacts that would likely mean nothing to anyone else. Perhaps Mars would be able to survive if Jo snuck a bit from the shop. There would be an IOU, of course. Once she landed a job she could mail her sister back the coins.

Her possessions would be harder. Half of them were thrown about Zach's flat. Her brush, a spare dress or two. Her favorite corset. It was still early enough in the day that he might've been downstairs in the shop, but it was also just as likely that he was waiting for her in front of the floo. That he, too, would like to confront her, and Jo couldn't handle that right now. Her mother had a similar body type, Jo could steal a dress from her maybe. It would mean never going home if she did, but did she really think she was coming back?

(She wasn't.)

"I what?!" She shouted again, once more tugging at his grip on her arm.

  

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beautiful set by mj

She was fighting him, and he held on to her arm like the edge of a lifeboat in a tumultuous sea. If she would just stop for a second, if she could just be still, he could have gotten through this. It would have given him a second to breath, and he knew as soon as he breathed he'd be able to push this thing that had bubbled up within him back down to wherever it had come from. Just stop, Jo, just stop. If she could just give him half a second to take a breath and to think then maybe he'd know how to get through to the other side of this without doing something they'd both regret. As it was now, it felt like he only had two options. He could take the plunge and give in to that impulse and then see where it left them, when they both came up for air again... or he could let her go. But there had to be another option, something he couldn't see because she was yelling at him and tugging her arm away and his head was spinning too hard to actually think about this logically. Just stop, Jo, please.

She wasn't going to stop. His gaze slid from her eyes to her mouth, briefly, then back to her eyes again.

Alfred let out the breath he'd been holding. He let go of her arm. The impulse passed. It was replaced with a wave of relief, and then by immediate, stomach-curdling guilt — at the impulse and at the train of thought that had followed, but also about feeling relieved now. She was going to leave and he was going to lose her and that was the end of everything, and he shouldn't have felt relieved no matter what was going on in his head.

"Nothing," he said. His voice was soft and sad and he was already looking away from her. In another split second he was walking away from her, too. He didn't think he could be in the same room as her, even if she was only going to be here another minute before she left, so he walked towards the hallway that lead to his bedroom.

"Be safe," he called back, without turning to look.

The following 1 user Likes J. Alfred Darrow's post:1 user Likes J. Alfred Darrow's post
   Jupiter Smith

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MJ made the most Alfredy of sets and then two years later she made it EVEN BETTER

For a second, Jo stared after him as he turned his back on her. This was it, then. This was how he'd remember her rather than the close friendship they shared. Briefly, Jo had a fleeting thought about destiny, about how the cruel the puppeteers of the universe were to drag them in and out of one another's lives like this. For a second, Jo thought about staying, about calling out for him and trying to see through her blind panic.

And then he instructed her to be safe as if she were already gone and the second passed. Alfred had given up, caved into what she already knew and accepted to be the truth. She stood a split second longer half in his chimney half out with a fistful of floo powder. He'd given up on her, too. Just as she asked for, really.

The wet tear slipped down her cheek wnd she knew it was time to go. Only, she didn't floo to her home as intended but to the ABC. Leaving could wait a night, for now she needed to get stupidly and blindly drunk.

  

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beautiful set by mj