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I Wasn't Always a Coward
#1
January 25th, 1891 - Irvingly Casino
For most of the way there, Art could pretend that he was going somewhere else. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his jacket; it was entirely plausible that he would try to head to the Howler's Pitch (he didn't have his broom) or the Irvingly Arms (he didn't want to drink) or simply to Chance D'Amour (Art had never, actually, been inside.)

Today had been - complicated and difficult and tiring. There was Ben's panic in the living room; their increasingly-stressed journey through the potioneers and apothecaries and sketchy-object stores of Knockturn Alley; the weird conversation in the living room with Melody Crouch. He hadn't left a note for Desdemona. In the moment, Art had justified it by thinking that they didn't have time. In terms of being an adult, he had done well, today - he had been exactly what Ben needed him to be, today, or at least as close to what Ben needed as Art could give. Good job, Arthur.

He knew the route from Ben's house to the casino, not because he had been there since Ben had moved to Irvingly, but because Art's brain still tracked Irvingly's streets in relationship to their proximity to the casino. It was easy enough, to track the route there; of course he already knew it, because he always had.

He found himself in front of the casino's main doors as if in a trance. Seven years. He hadn't used the casino's gambling facilities since before he caught the laughing plague, in 1884 - seven years since he had placed a bet or played cards for stakes or tried to earn back money. Seven years. Art's palms itched in his pockets.

That was longer than he'd spent losing money, after leaving Hogwarts. He had a bank account with Desdemona now, they rented their house, they had a very small staff that cleaned up and helped care for Gwenog. Good job, Arthur. He was an adult and a father and as far removed from the teenager he'd been as anyone could expect him to ever be. He was, practically, a different person now.

If he was a different person, he ought to be able to go in. (The occasional Quidditch party didn't count, wasn't the same - he had never gambled with those people, anyways.)

He stared up at the entrance for too long. Do or die, Arthur - were things different, or not?

Arthur sighed and rolled his shoulders back and walked through the front doors of the casino. Maybe he would just walk through, use the floo network here - that was something he could do. Just because he was here did not mean he had to gamble. His heart rate kicked up as soon as he was in there - there was something about a casino on a Monday evening. It was different than it was during Quidditch parties, or whatever - the people in today were committed, they knew what they were doing, some of them could even count cards. It was as much of a sport as Quidditch was.

He pretended he was leaving until he walked past the entrance for the floo network and over to the table to play Hazard. Hazard wasn't a card game, it was a dice game - that was good, wasn't it? As long as he avoided cards, and betting on horses or boxing matches, he wasn't doing anything that had ever gotten him in real trouble.

It was by chance that Lachlan MacFusty was there; Art had not intended to find him. "MacFusty," Art said, with a nod, "Can I get in on this?"

Lachlan MacFusty Holly Scrimgeour

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#2
Lach's life had been figuratively and sometimes literally up in flames since retiring from quidditch and turned to dragon-keeping instead. He was not a natural dragon-keeper; he still had lots to re-learn from his youth, and even more to learn about actively caring for them. Most of his money was made through the sale of dragon parts—teeth, scales, shedded skin—but he hoped in time he might be able to introduce the concept of Hebrides tours.

That was still a long way out, though, and he was in no emotional state to deal with large amounts of people whose eyes were on him. He'd had enough of that during the disaster that was the Quidditch World Cup last year. On top of that he was still recovering from the metaphorical slap in the face he'd received when Fallon had decided to choose another man over him and, well—all the bitterness made him a pretty good customer at the casino.

He had lost a few sickles and was preparing to leave just as Pettigrew found him. He supposed he couldn't put his chips away yet.

"I won't complain" he answered, eyeing the dealer with disdain as he pushed forward another chip. "I was just about to get another glass—I suppose you'll be wanting one, too?" He turned towards the Howlers' captain, revealing the redness in his eyes and the dark circles under them.


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#3
”Don’t take this the wrong way,” Arthur said, ”But you sort of look like shit.” There were dark circles under MacFusty’s eyes, and the sort of redness that didn’t come easily. MacFusty was clearly going through something, and that made Art feel better, being here; it wasn’t as if he was in crisis. MacFusty was going through something, Ben and Melody were going through something - Art and Desdemona had gone through something, and now they were in the after, and they were fine. He was just a person at the casino, like there was nothing to it.

”I will take that drink though,” Art said, ”Before we get into it.” It had been a long time since he’d played hazard, but it wasn’t difficult - maybe he’d even win. The house almost always won, of course - but Arthur wasn’t here to try to win. People could go to the casino for fun. He could be here for fun. It didn’t have to mean something to him.

He traded a sickle for a chip. A sickle, Art justified, was practically nothing.




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#4
Lachlan smirked, only because it was easier than explaining what was wrong and how he felt. "Aye, they say that's what drinking too much does to you," he quipped, "I'll be here to make sure you don't get to this point though." He clapped Pettigrew on the shoulder and signaled for the waitress, who came over and took his order before scurrying back to the bar.

Lach traded his sickle for a chip, too, and then turned to Pettigrew before playing his turn. "So what brings you to the casino? I was under the impression that you didn't gamble anymore." Pettigrew's gambling history was notorious, but so was his sudden shift into a family man.




way too attractive set by mj <3
#5
Arthur laughed, even though he knew he didn’t have to worry about it - he wasn’t going to drink heavily when he was trying to gamble. Anything more than a buzz would ruin it, he remembered. It wouldn’t make him feel the way it had if he dulled his senses with other substances. 

But he was different, now; he probably wouldn’t feel anything at all once they got started. This was just anticipation, anyways.

Art answered MacFusty’s question easily - or, he answered it easily given that it was a lie in spirit. ”Oh, it’s been a while,” he said. ”But it’s not like I quit, or anything.”

He had quit - slowly and painfully and wavering, but he had quit. But he was over it now, right? He had to be over it.


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#6
"Well let's hope you still have the luck of the dice in you," he snickered, smiling at the waitress as she returned with their drinks in hand. He threw a few knuts on her tray and passed one of the glasses to Pettigrew before he picked up his own. "It's been a while for me, and I must say it's going terribly." He laughed a long, pain-filled laugh and took another sip.

Everything was going terribly. Really. He only hoped that a little bit of company might take his mind off things.

"How's life been treating you recently?" Most men came to the casino for one of two reasons: either they were having a great time and wanted to make it even a greater time by gambling, or everything was awful and they were hoping to escape the real world.




way too attractive set by mj <3
#7
Again, Art was reassured - he had to be doing better than MacFusty was, since he was not audibly distressed. The dealer rolled the dice and got a six; in order to win, Art and MacFusty would need to roll a six this hand with the two dice that they had. If either rolled a two or a three, he would be out; and any other number simply ensured that they would have to go to another round. If they both rolled sixes, they would both go onto another round - and probably have to up the stakes of the bet. Simple enough. Of course Arthur remembered the rules; he didn't think it was possible for him to forget.

"It's been alright," Art said, like he didn't spend his time worried that Desdemona would shatter if they talked about anything that was too hard. "Waiting for Quidditch things to settle, but can't complain besides that."

He rolled his dice, cast it; a one. If MacFusty didn't roll a six this time, they'd have to go again. The anticipation settled into his bones - maybe he'd win this hand?

"What's going on with you?"



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#8
Lach went silent at the mention of quidditch. He was still not over it, and how could he be? He'd killed a woman, even if by accident. A whole man had given up his career as a quidditch sponsor and his son as a reserve player, only to be replaced by a Moroccan in a weird twist of fate. It wasn't a memory likely to leave him anytime soon.

"Career change, women troubles, nightmares—the usual," Lach said dryly, not really caring at this point who knew about his problems because he so rarely made trips to anywhere where he might come in contact with the public. He rolled his dice. "Nine," he said, and shook his head.


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#9
Right -- in light of everything, especially with Desdemona's miscarriage, Art had forgotten that Lachlan was the one to kill someone during the World Cup. Everything had changed, and it was - not MacFusty's fault, really, but it surely couldn't be easy to live with the guilt. Or with women troubles.

Arthur felt anticipation building as he waited for MacFusty's dice to settle. Everything could change, for better or worse, on the gravity of the dice - it captivated his attention. He wasn't supposed to be feeling like this - wasn't supposed to be feeling the anticipation coursing through his veins even before they had a decisive hand.

But it was only a sickle. It wasn't as if it was a sum that mattered.

"Want to up the bet?" Art asked, reaching for his wallet. "And tell me about the woman troubles."



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#10
Lachlan sighed as the dealer took their sickles. How many lost was that now? He'd lost count. He still had a good number of coins in his pockets, and he'd only brought what he could afford to lose, so.

"Sure," he said, trading in two sickles for another set of chips. "I could tell you about her all day—it doesn't have a happy ending, though." Not that love stories ever did. Had his relationship with Fallon even qualified as a romance? They'd only reached the point of admitting their feelings before everything fell apart. He supposed he was stupid for ever letting himself love her anyways.


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#11
That was three sickles in, now - three sickles was nothing. He sort of wanted to up the bet, more - until they got into at least a galleon the sum didn't feel real to him. Maybe if they got to a third hand? Without actual stakes, it was hard for him to know whether or not he was actually better - this was petty gaming, it didn't really count.

"Aren't they better stories if they don't have happy endings?" Art said. The dealer rolled the die again; got a five - in order to win, this time, Art or MacFusty would have to roll a five. Art handed the dice off to MacFusty; he could roll first, this time.



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#12
Lachlan took the dice and rolled them. A seven. He cursed under his breath and mindlessly went about digging his hand in his bag of coins.

"Maybe to the people listening," he sighed. "We met before the World Cup. We ran into some trouble on a train and worked our way out of it together. She thought I was some dumb oaf, but we parted on friendly terms. I didn't think I would see her again." There was more to it, of course, but nothing he could say without giving away her identity. He hated her, but he didn't hate her that much.


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#13
Art rolled a six - he swore under his breath, because a hand ago that would have won him the pot.

Alright, okay, they still hadn't gotten anywhere - the dealer wanted three sickles this time, so Art dug them out of his coinpurse and handed them over. That was six sickles on the line, and twelve in the pot - they were almost in the realm of Real Money. Art's excitement felt physical; his heart rate was still up, and he was bouncing his right leg up and down.

He made a sympathetic noise at MacFusty's story. "But you did see her again," Art guessed. MacFusty wouldn't be this torn up about a girl if he hadn't seen her again; none of the situation he had described was enough for him to be drinking himself into a mess.

The dealer rolled the dice, again getting a six. Art went first this time, and got a five. Shit.



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#14
"I did see her again," continued, just as he rolled the dice. A three. "Fuck," he muttered, tossing a nasty glance at the dealer and leaning back in his seat. "We wrote letters about the incident and then we met at the pub. We talked, I think we flirted, and she told me her favorite team were the Cannons," he explained. He still didn't know if it was true or not, but either way it didn't matter. She was with her other man and he wasn't a quidditch player anymore.

"After the match—" He winced at the memory. "—we met at the pub again, and... well, we spent a long time together. I started to... have feelings for her." That was the understatement of the century. They'd spent weeks in the arctic together after a portkey intended to leave her stranded caught both of them. Telling Pettigrew that was a little too specific, though.


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#15
"If you think you were flirting you were probably flirting," Art said, because this was true. The dealer wanted them up to four sickles, this time - which meant that the pot was eighteen sickles. That was over a galleon, that was real money - not the sort of money he had bet when he had money, but the sort of money that made his body feel like a live wire.

"Did you tell her?" Art asked; maybe if MacFusty kept talking about the girl, he would be worse at throwing his dice? (It's a game of chance, Arthur, he chided himself; he couldn't get his expectations too high, or start to think that he could game the system. This was what had gotten him in trouble, with his inheritance and his house and his life.) The dealer rolled another six; MacFusty was up first for throwing the dice, this time.



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#16
Lach mindlessly placed four sickles on the table, memories of Fallon now overtaking any concentration he might have had on the game. He remembered how they'd curled up together in the cold of the arctic, kept each other alive when times were tough, and how she'd visited him in the hospital when he was struggling to recover. What he hadn't known was that, away from him and their relationship, another man was vying for her heart.

"I did. Eventually. She told me she'd never thought I felt that way about her, and that another man had confessed his feelings to her. She said she loved me—and I believed her. She told me she would come back once she broke things off with him for good, and that we could be together, but..." She hadn't. "She wrote me a fucking letter. She'd chosen him in the end." He rolled his dice, a little too aggressively. A one.


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