Morning, October 1st, 1890 — London

Fallon woke with a start when she felt the other half of her bed was empty. It wasn't until she spotted the note on her desk that her heart resumed a normal rhythm. Right, work. Of course Jesse couldn't spend the morning in bed with her, hell she probably should already be at work too with the massive stack of papers waiting for her. She ran a hand through her hair and winced at the tangled mess. She rarely slept without it plaited, brushing it out would be tortuous this morning.

Deciding coffee was needed before attempting to get ready for work, Fallon ventured out into the kitchen only to find breakfast already prepared and Malou sitting at the table. Fuck, Fallon probably looked as awful as she felt. Her eyes were likely still puffy and red rimmed from the force of her cries, her clothes were all disheveled, she really looked afright. "Morning," she greeted quietly and reached for her mug. "How late did I oversleep?"

  

When Malou had arrived home from her night shift she had been surprised by the interloper in their apartment. She'd opened the door to see Mr. Hatchitt getting ready to step into the floo. Her shocked gaze had caught his own and she had answered his raised eyebrows with her own. Now an hour later Malou had made breakfast for Fallon and herself and was sitting at the table, a mug of coffee between her hands entirely unsure about this latest development.

While she approved of Mr. Hatchitt, finding him leaving their home in the wee hours of the morning had not been behavior she had expected of him. In fact she had expected a great deal better of him altogether. Of him and Fallon both. Despite that Fallon could make her own decisions and Malou knew to trust those judgements so she was trying very very hard to not jump to conclusions.

When Fallon appeared from her bedroom it was almost impossible not to jump to the conclusion Malou had been so desperately avoiding. "Good morning." Malou said carefully, peering over Fallon in a way that said she needed to explain. "Only an hour."

  

---

Oh, fuck. Fallon didn't miss the expectant look on Malou's face. Was it the discarded mugs from last night? Or had Malou found out about Jesse's visit another way? Fallon retrieved her mug and sat across from Malou with a sigh. Merlin. Where to start?

The obvious seemed best. "Jesse came over last night. I, erm. I told him about Lachlan." She told him a great deal more than that, but Malou already knew the bukk of it. "He stayed the night, which, judging from the look on your face, I'm guessing you somehow knew?"

  

Only a couple of days before Fallon had confessed what had happened between her and Mr. MacFusty and confirming what Malou had said before Fallon's disapperance with the man. She had suspected feelings still lingered between the two even if Fallon would not admit to it, but then Fallon had admitted to it. Malou had tried to remain impartial for Fallon, letting her mainly talk it through and only asking questions rather than giving a concrete opinion. By the time Fallon had gone to work yesterday Malou had anticipated hearing that Mr. Hatchitt would no longer be in the discussion. But then she'd seen him this morning and was utterly confused. One look at Fallon and she could only image her friend was definitely more confused than she was.

"I do." Malou agreed, her tone layered in more of a question than a statement, her eyebrows raised code for Fallon to explain absolutely everything, because despite having told Mr. Hatchitt about Mr. MacFusty it seemed that things were definitely pointing to a closer relationship to Mr. Hatchitt now.

  

---

Later, Fallon would ask just how Malou knew Jesse had stayed the night. It wasn't as though the two were such good friends that Jesse would inform Malou before Fallon could. (Relaying the details to her best friend was Fallon's foremost priority this morning, anyway, but she would be truly stunned if Jesse had gotten there first.) "I couldn't think on it anymore," Fallon said as an useless explanation before taking several large gulps of her coffee.

"I had to apologize to him for kissing Lachlan. And for my feelings and this whole bloody disaster. And he understood, or said he did at least." Fallpn certainly wouldn't have understood if she learned Jesse kissed another woman, but that was just yet another reason why he was better than she. Why he deserved better than her, even if she was too selfish to allow that. "He was going to end things, Malou. Bow out, he said. And I couldn't let him leave. I just. I couldn't. One minute I was convinced it was Lachlan, and the next the obvious choice was Jesse."

  

“Mm.” Malou murmured as she listened to Fallon’s explanation and took a sip of her coffee.

The two men, from what Fallon had told Malou, were entirely different, their reaction to the same news seemed to be an even deeper mark of this. And yet it was clear that Fallon had deep feelings for both. Perhaps those feelings wouldn’t have developed the same way had Fallon not vanished with one of them for a fortnight, but she had and now it seemed there was a great deal there in both cases.

“Does that mean you’ve made up your mind?” Malou asked gently, watching Fallon for even the slightest clue of what might be going on in her mind.

  

---

Despite the sharp pain making such a decision caused her, Fallon was almost certain in her choice. Jesse was willing to walk away, to allow her happiness wherever she might find it. Except, when faced with the prospect of losing him Fallon hadn't been able to cope. She couldn't let him walk away or bow out or whatever other terminology he used. She just couldn't.

Which meant losing Lachlan forever.

Fallon dropped her eyes to the untouched plate before her and nodded silently. Losing Lachlan hurt almost as bad as the prospect of losing Malou or Kieran. It was like she was carving half of her heart out of her chest and abandoning it there. "Yeah," she confirmed, her tone full of regret. "I'm going to stay with Jesse."

  

Oh no. Malou knew that tone. Knew the look. There was nothing Fallon liked about the decision she had made, it was clear as day on her face. “You don’t sound convinced.” Malou’s gentle voice commented tilting her head slightly as she willed Fallon to look at her.

  

---

She was convinced, mostly. Jesse was the right, logical choice. "I am," Fallon replied unconvincingly. "I just...I know how badly this is going to hurt Lachlan. And I never —" she broke off, unable to finish the thought. Hurting Lachlan killed Fallon, so much so that she was consumed by dread at the thought of telling him.

Fallon buried her head in her hands as the first of what would likely be many quiet sobs escaped her. Through them, she incoherently said, "I never wanted to hurt him."

  

Malou was about to interject when Fallon buried her head in her arms and started to cry. “Oh Fallon.” She stood up and walked over to Fallon to hug her as she cried. “I know you didn’t.” She soothed quietly, waiting for Fallon to calm down slightly before she let her go and crouched down next to her. “But trying not to hurt someone isn’t the right reason to be with someone.” Malou might have little experience in the matter of love, but she knew that simple truth with her whole being.

  

---

"It's more than that," Fallon swore. Yes, she didn't want to hurt Lachlan, but it didn't mean her feelings for him were any less meaningful. "It's more than not wanting to hurt him. I'm giving up our friendship. I'm denying my feelings." Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she spoke. "I love him, and I love Jesse, and I'm so bloody fucking confused."

  

Fallon’s words were muffled by her arms, but Malou could hear the hurt in them, could see the shake of her shoulders as she cried. Gentle hands ran through Fallon’s hair, carefully making sure not to tug on the knots. For a moment Malou said nothing, just continued to silently support Fallon as she thought through what she ought to say.

Long minutes passed in the kitchen before Malou finally said, “And last night with Jesse…” She trailed off unsure just how to phrase her concerns. She’d never exactly had to worry about Fallon’s virtue before. Nor the emotional hold such an action might have over the decision.

  

---

She wiped the eyes and nose on the sleeve of her shirt and looked over at Malou with sad eyes. "Nothing happened," Fallon answered the unasked question with ease. "I asked him to stay. He just held me." A few kisses were exchanged, but they were nothing compared to the ones they shared in his hospital bed. Those had filled her with longing and desire, these had only provided comfort. "I didn't want him to leave."

  

Finally Fallon looked at her, her eyes tearstained and red rimmed but full of truth. Malou nodded, accepting this, remembering Fallon coming home the other night and slipping into her bed so she wouldn’t have to be alone.

“You don’t have to decide right now.” She said gently, her eyes never wavering in her gaze from her friend’s. Once years ago, Fallon had said something similar to her, in the long days after her parents had died and Malou didn’t know if she should follow her careful plan or tread the path her parents had wanted for her. Even as Fallon had said those words Malou had felt her decision in her heart, the choice that would not betray who she was no matter what she thought might be expected of her.

  

---

Didn't she, though? Neither Lachlan nor Jesse would be willing to wait forever, after all. Besides, drawing it out would only hurt her in the long run, as agonizing over the choices wasn't going to help any. "I do," Fallon muttered bitterly. "I wish I didn't, but I do." After work tonight. Merlin, how was she going to survive the day?

She reached for Malou's hand and gripped it tight. That the words were echoed from their history wasn't lost upon Fallon, though she couldn't mention that recognition now. "I need to get ready for work, first. Do you know any spells to get rid of this?" Fallon gestured towards her puffy face.

  

It was clear from the set of Malou’s jaw and the narrow line of her lips that she disagreed. If both men cared for Fallon they would respect the time needed to make such a decision, but she only looked at her friend in silent support.

At her question Malou frowned, gently reaching over and tilting Fallon’s face left and right. “Let me see what I can do.” She might not know the perfect spell, but she was sure she could come up with something to help and disguise the rest with cosmetics. “Eat your breakfast, I’ll be right back.” Malou reached for her wand and tapped Fallon’s plate with a silent warming charm that all interns learned.

She was back in only a matter of moments with a small case of cosmetics her mother had given her for her seventeenth birthday. “This should help.”

  

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