May 3rd, 1890 - MacKay Household
Beau Miller

We put a crack in the shadows
And you tell me it's okay to be the light
And not to swim in the shallows, no, no
And I wanna get drunk with you
When we lie so still, but you're taking me places holding me onto you
And we don't care who's watching us, baby

The daily grind of the zoo was something Eavan had missed entirely. It was good to be this busy all the time. There was always something that needed her attention and frankly the distraction was welcome. Unlike her time in Arizona that was filled with only a few requirements each day, Eva was all over the place all of the time in Irvingly. Between helping the new Mr. Podmore get used to some things, and taking care of not only the aviary but anything else that needed her focus, Eva was putting in long hours at work and that thankfully meant she could pretty much eat and crash in her own bed.

Unfortunately she felt incredibly guilty about that and the fact that she was trying to subtly avoid Beau for the most part. Thankfully he seemed to be doing the same these days and so she was rarely in a situation with him that demanded her entire attention. It was a strange kind of dance they were in and she was hating it more and more. Ever since that night at the event, her fight with Fletcher, things had just been off and it pained her.

Eva knew what her problem was, knew that she was breaking her own rules by catching feelings for Beau, but she still wasn't sure where he stood on the matter. The last thing she wanted to do was lead him on or cause any more drama, but she had been enjoying their agreement quite a bit and now that things were strained, she actually kind of missed him, even though he lived in the same house at the moment. Each night on her walk home she tried to puzzle out her thoughts and put them into some kind of organization so that she could maybe drum up the courage to talk to him. They hadn't shared a bed in a couple of weeks, which only bothered her a little, it was more than connection that she craved these days, hadn't gone without for nearly a year now and was feeling like part of her was disconnected from the rest.

Tonight's walk home had been a pep-talk to work up the nerve to corner him tonight though she was still later than usual, she'd eaten and washed up in her room before tossing on some pajamas and tiptoeing down the hall. It wasn't too late, but hopefully late enough that everybody was settled in their rooms and she wasn't being too obvious in her intentions. Since she and Una no longer shared a room it wasn't quite as suspicious as it used to be. Thankfully he was down the end of the hall in the opposite wing and nobody else was really up there at the moment. The light from beneath the door stalled her momentarily and she took a deep breath. She had to do something about this, at least figure out where they stood, but she wasn't so sure she had it in her until she was already knocking on the door and holding her breath.

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Avoiding Eavan was something of a challenge when they lived and worked in the same locations. Dodging her at the house was easy enough, even if it was beginning to strain his wallet with most of his meals being eaten out, but at work it was sometimes necessary to be near her. Astra was a bird after all, and therefore Eva's specialty. It wasn't as though he could ignore her presence when caring for a creature directly under her supervision. And he especially couldn't be anything but professional when he was relying on a reference from the zoo to eventually move on.

Beau's only saving grace was that it appeared she was avoiding him too. Whatever the fight with him had been about was enough to push her away from Beau as well. He'd thought to ask about it on more than one occasion — usually on the days when he was missing her most — but never brought it up. The arrangement was to include no feelings. Questioning her about her failed relationship would surely lead to questions about their relationship, and therefore feelings.

Meaning, he couldn't win.

He was reading a letter from Mr. Silva regarding Demitri when the knock at the door came. Reaching for his discarded shirt, Beau went about dressing, unfortunately missing a handful of unnoticed buttons in the process. Why was she ending the silence now? What changed? "Eva..." he greeted with a raised brow. "Are you alright?"

  

Of course he already knew it was her, just from knocking. Eva pushed the door open slightly and hesitated just briefly before making her way in and closing the door behind her. She leaned against it, unsure as to whether or not he really wanted her here and she couldn't help but to noticed he seemed to have haphazardly dressed at her intrusion, which struck her as odd, because they'd never really cared about that before.

"Yes, I'm alright," It was funny though, that his first thought was that something was wrong. Eva felt even more guilty now. Did she abuse the comfort she felt toward him and so he automatically thought that something was amiss when she needed him? This was why she wasn't cut out for relationships apparently. Eva clearly couldn't find the right balance.

"Can we talk?" Merlin, even saying it felt like dread. She could feel it building up in her system even now, after the whole pep talk and making sure she had her head on straight. "I wanted to apologize," She pushed on before she lost her nerve. "I haven't exactly been fair to you lately and you've been incredibly patient with me, but I've taken advantage of it and for that I'm sorry."

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Again, Beau wondered what changed to make her break the silence that was stretched between them. Had Mr. Langley approached her again? Beau thought to have a word with him (read: make the man fear for his life) but wasn't sure if doing so would further enrage Eva. The peaceful life they left in Arizona seemed like a never ending drama that he was reluctant to add anything else into the mix.

Including his feelings.

"You don't need to apologize." It wasn't her to break the agreement, after all. Although, if Beau were being honest with himself, her crawling into bed with him after fighting with the bastard had crossed the line. Beau wasn't meant to comfort her as a lover would, to hold her as she mourned the loss of some great love. That was decidedly not part of the agreement.

Beau gestured for her to sit in the desk chair and sat himself on the edge of the bed. "You don't have to apologize." He repeated, unsure of what else say.

  

Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Eva had to wonder just what she was doing here, what they were doing anymore. The general ease of life in Arizona was gone and it was all her fault. Why was she so bad at this? Even with carefully crafted guidelines, she still couldn't handle it! Maybe she should have just let things fizzle and when he found his next position he could move on and that would be that... problem was, she already missed him and there were still in the same house.

She supposed she should have expected his reaction, but it didn't make her feel any better. Surely Beau had to have some thoughts on the matter, but that classic, stoic face he reserved for everybody but her was not helping. "Well, I wanted to," She muttered, eyes down at the floor for a moment before turning them expectantly back at him. "I've gone and ruined our agreement and it wasn't fair." She'd ruined it in more ways than one and she hadn't a clue what to do about it.

Eva toyed with the end of her sleeve idly, hoping he had something to say on the matter. It wasn't like her to be this passive in a conversation, but she felt at fault here and so naturally on the defensive.

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"No, it wasn't you who ruined it." Beau immediately responded. Eavan might've been too reliant on his comfort, but that wouldn't have been an jssue had Beau's feelings remained neutral. Had he respected the boundaries, then that night would've been shrugged off as a fluke without any further thought. Instead, all he could think of was his instant jealousy and frustration. Merlin, Beau had been ready to leave.

He leant forward to put his elbows on his knees. "I don't care that you came to me for comfort when you were upset. Fuck, I want you to, and that's the problem." Beau's gaze was intense upon her own as he spoke. Surely, he didn't need to speak more plainly than that for her to understand his meaning. "It wasn't you who broke the agreement, and I'm sorry for that."

  

Eva watched him carefully. Again she hadn't expected the reaction and she let it slowly sink in, the realization of his insinuations washing over her. She tilted her head to the side a little, her fraying braid falling over her shoulder in the process. His frustration was evident, Eva felt it too, but clearly they were each more frustrated with themselves than with the other person.

Pushing off the door, Eva approached him slowly, moving to stand right in front of him. Her small frame was barely taller than he was, even sitting, but she was thankful it put them a little more at eye level. "Mutual shattering of the rules," She chuckled, smiling softly. "Got it." While this wasn't entirely foreign territory for Eva, she was still hesitant; what did it mean exactly? Catching feelings for Beau had been easy, too easy really, but they both had complicated pasts and needed to sort out what, if anything, they wanted to do here.

"I promise everything with Fletcher is over." Broken beyond repair now. There was no going back and she didn't want to. "But I also realize this wasn't exactly something you wanted." Neither one of them had really wanted anything beyond what they'd agreed upon initially. The fact that it had changed of course meant something had to give, but Eva could bend if she had to.

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Beau hadn't been the one to initially insist upon a feelingless relationship. He had willingly went along with it, of course, but that was more to respect her line in the sand. Eva landed in America because of a disastrous relationship. Who was he to add to her stress by admitting to such feelings? (And, again, if he were being honest with himself Beau would admit the feelings existed long before following her to Irvingly.)

"This isn't about me," he insisted. "Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure you aren't just reeling from whatever was said that night and looking for somewhere to land?" The questions were hard to ask, but necessary. Having been burned before Beau knew all too well the turmoil it created. After [ex's name here] left it had taken him at least a year not to mindlessly sleep around with anyone willing.

He sat up straight, though made no move to touch her. Should anything transpire between them tonight it would be initiated by Eavan. "I trust you when you say it's over, but I ... I don't want you to regret anything."

  

Eva was so tired of people telling her what she should and shouldn't want. What she'd regret. She took a step back, frustration furrowing her brows. It wasn't fair and his questions were logical, but they still irked her immensely and she tried to push down the rising annoyance. She got angry too quickly and it caused problems, arguments. The last thing she wanted to do right now was argue.

"Don't-" She sighed, running her hands over her face and took another step back, trying to find out outlet for the pent up frustration and ti give herself some space. "Don't make me out to be some confused little girl who doesn't know better." She warned, looking at him, trying not to get too worked up. "I'm not a child or teenage girl who gets attached on a whim." Merlin, she had never been that girl. Fletcher had worked his way into her life, took his time and exuded patience in spades. Things had still come crashing down around her, but she couldn't be surprised. Not really. In the aftermath Eva had thought hard about what had gone wrong and it was simply because she and Fletcher were too different. They wanted different things out of life. No matter what their feelings had been for one another, the fact that they'd been willing to compromise, they couldn't change a lot of what was going on around them.

This was different though.

With Beau it was different. They were far more similar, things were easier, any drama they'd had came from outside places, not within. "I know what I want in life. I'm not without my faults, but I do know that." She added after a deep breath.

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Well then.

Beau let out his own huff of frustration, as his hand reached up to scratch his beard. Nothing in his statement was intended to imply she was a child, but only to ensure she wasn't falling in with him because her heart was once again broken. It was a rational, logical question to raise given the state she'd been in only a few weeks prior. How was she too dense to recognize that?

"You're anything but a child, Eva, though right now you're surely acting like one," he rebutted, his own temper flaring. "Just weeks ago you were in my bed crying because of another man, you cannot blame me for wonderin' if your feelins are sincere." Beau's American accent was noticeably heavier as he spoke, his frustration evident with every word. Fletcher was getting pummelled the next time Beau laid eyes on him, he didn't care if the attack was seen as random or not. Months of suppressing his thoughts towards Eva and it was all going to be ruined by an idiot too stupid to realize what he lost.

Beau huffed again in a futile attempt to simmer down. "You say you know what you want. I've yet to see anything proving otherwise."

  

"Fuck you, Tobias." She didn't yell it, but it slipped before she could stop herself and it was pretty firm. Not to mention she'd purposely called him by his first name and not her nickname for him. He wasn't taking her seriously anyway, apparently.  "I didn't ask for that, I didn't want it. I still don't." Eva flexed her fingers uselessly, balling them up into fists at her side. She wouldn't be baited into a full-blown argument.

"That's a low blow and you know it. I came here because I needed you, you idiot." She scowled a little, though it was more like an exaggerated pout. "I needed how you make me feel." She managed to keep too much emotion out of her voice, afraid it would sound more like pleading than she would like. "I was thrown out of whack by someone who doesn't get it. You do." Eva felt like she was rambling, but it was better than yelling.

Pending what came out of his mouth next, Eva felt herself deescalating, which was a new sensation for her. Usually she had to blow her top before she could come back down. Gingerly she stepped toward him again. "I have been completely honest with you since day one, this is no different, but if you can't appreciate that, let me know now, before I fall any further for you."

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   Beau Miller

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Beau bit his tongue to refrain from snapping back at her. Hardly anyone ever called him Tobias, and coupled with a swear he was ready to blow up himself. Regardless of whether or not it was a low blow, it was the truth and needed to be said. There could be no more half truths or excuses between them.

A million bitter, devastating retorts sat on the tip of his tongue, ready to lay waste to the last positive thing in his life. Any one of them &mdadh; the worst of them being how he'd only followed her to Irvingly because he didn't want to find a new low class sex friend — would destroy whatever potential their future held. Wouldn't it be easier that way, though? Especially when he considered how desperately she hadn't wanted to be involved with someone. Ruining them now would serve her better than allowing time to further ensnare them both.

Beau made to say any number of the horrid replies when her last statement struck him like a heavy blow to the gut. Fallen for him. "Stop talking," he said lowly after a long drawn out silence. They were already ensnared. Fuck, Beau was trapped after that first night spent together, breaking now wouldn't help matters any. If anything, he would hurt her even worse than Fletcher had. The monsters existing in his head wouldn't ruin this.

Not tonight.

Standing, Beau took two strides and pulled her in for a searing kiss. "I've always been honest with you, too," he stated. "And I love you."

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   Elsie Kirke

Eva very nearly flipped him off when he told her to stop talking. Yes, she'd been rambling, but she had to make him see that she wasn't just rebounding from Fletcher. Things with him had ended last summer when she'd left. She'd had months to sort herself out before things had started with Beau and frankly up until he'd actually come home with her, she'd upheld her side of the deal. She hadn't fallen for him until afterwards- and hard. It was what made the unexpected upheaval with Fletch that much more confusing and emotional.

The next thing she knew though- and she almost swung at him as a reflex when he came at her so fast, she was pulled nearly off the ground, arms instinctively wrapping around his neck to steady herself. The kiss left her reeling. She could feel the desperation, the desire behind it and it left her off kilter, dizzy even.

Beau was full of surprises tonight, none of his reactions had been what she'd been expecting, but a little oh of surprise formed on her lips when he admitted he loved her. Eva was slow to reach that point and she was almost there, truly, she was falling for him, but had yet to fall completely off the edge. One more step and she'd be there, tumbling easily. The problem was she'd just admitted to him that she'd been nothing but honest with him and she didn't want to break that now. Was it really lying if she was almost there?

Unsure of what to really say and to give herself more time, instead Eva pushed up to her tiptoes again, pressing her lips to his slowly, pouring herself into a kiss that she hoped conveyed what she felt, even if she couldn't quite say it just yet.

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Beau gave himself into the kiss without a moment's hesitation, reaching up to pull her down onto his lap. Having not been prepared to share his own feelings (and being a tad embarrassed that he had) Beau hardly expected Eva to shout her love from the mountaintops. Hell, he didn't ever expect her to announce it at all.

His hands rested on her waist. There was no need to hurry this along, for now there was nothing standing in their way.

  

Relieved that he didn't seem to mind that she hadn't said anything, Eva moved with him easily down to the bed. If nothing else, though it probably wasn't the best, they could always resort to this. There was no denying the physical connection between them. It was easy, natural, she didn't even have to think about it, which was why she'd thought it would have been easy to keep the emotions out of it. Now she just had to trust that the emotional would follow along soon enough.

Eva tangled her fingers in his hair and settled easily into his lap.  Too easy, but she could feel something bubbling up and pushing it down seemed impossible. "Stay here, with me." She whispered against his lips, lashes fluttering open to lock eyes with him.

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Considering how they were in his room, Beau wasn't quite sure where she thought he was going. If anything, she would be the one to leave after they were done tonight to go back to her own bed, not that he believed she would. Beau gave a noncommittal hm as he began to pepper kisses along her jaw and down her neck. Leaving at this exact moment, when she was soft and warm against him, was just about the opposite of his expectations for the night.