August 6th, 1893 — Crowdy Memorial Library, London

Sweat beaded down her neck as Rosalie bent her head low over the scroll laid out on the desk. Her research had mostly stalled during the three months she waited for approval to visit the restricted levels of the library, but what little progress she had made directed her towards various methods of containment. She already had a list of potions that might help him manage the symptoms (that was if her knowledge of his symptoms was even bordering correct) and herbs that might alleviate some anxiety whenever the symptoms were running rampant. Unfortunately though, nothing she'd found thus far spoke of how to break a blood curse of unknown origins.

Not a single thing.

Without Ezra's assistance, researching his family history was a challenge. She suspected that, at the very minimum, his siblings and father were similarly effected, if only because of the rumors that were often spoken about them all. Beyond that though, Rosalie was at a loss. There were no known mentions of his grandparents or great-grandparents that she could discreetly source. And, it wasn't as though she could expect him to help her either. Not after the way she'd forced the issue that spring and his final letter to her. Rosalie was on her own researching something she only vaguely understood, that she had made it this far was a miracle in itself.

Her focus on finding a solution wasn't for Ezra's sake anymore either. No, Rosalie had grown furious at the curse for forcing them apart, for making her believe devastating lies. It was almost as though she was mourning their relationship — their future — all over again, only this time rather than crying herself to sleep, Rosie blazed her way through each night enraged that their breakup had happened at all.

They could never go back. Their paths would never converge again and she was somehow supposed to be okay with that.

Maybe some day she would be.

Her notebook, the third she'd started since beginning to look into his curse, laid open on the table besides her as she jotted down random words that would hold no meaning for anyone else. Later, when she was out of the library and back in the security of her home, Rosalie would transcribe her notes into the fourth notebook she had hidden beneath her bed. Ezra's curse was a private issue, one that would see him and his family possibly ostracized if discovered. Rosalie wouldn't risk damaging him further over her own selfish interests.

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Ezra Applegate

  

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stunning set by Lady <3

Just keep walking, he told himself when he recognized her in the library (on the double-take, which he always did when he thought he spotted her particular shade of blond hair). Whatever she was doing in the library was her own business, and getting into the middle of it would only lead to trouble. The last time they'd talked she'd shown up alone in his bedroom in the middle of the night, and he hadn't even done anything to encourage her then. She'd wanted to work with him on what he was sure was a lost cause. He didn't think it would take much from him to entirely detail her life on this fool's errand.

He walked past her. He made it all the way to the stairs, where he flashed his Ministry badge at the door to unlock it. Then he stopped; frowned. He knew what section she was in, and therefore he could guess which books she was reading. So maybe it didn't matter if he interfered or not — maybe she was already down the rabbit hole.

He circled back. His frown deepened as he approached her table. "You know," he said, tone conversational despite his demeanor. "I've had access to the restricted floors of this library since twenty-one." So you think I haven't checked them yet? You think you'll find something I didn't?

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The sudden shadow cast over the desk startled Rosalie. Her hand dropped the quill and flew up over her heart as her eyes quickly snapped to the intruder. She ought to have known him by shadow and shape alone, likely would have were it not for her intense focus, but she had been so narrowly focused that it wasn't until he spoke that the recognition sank in. Ezra had caught her studying the very same subject he told her to forget.

An embarrassed flush would have spread across her cheeks were they not already rosy from the heat.

"Your point?" Rosalie asked, forcing herself to be purposely obtuse. She knew what remained unsaid between them, what he likely thought by discovering her here. The fact remained that Rosalie was determined not to give up so soon into her experience with his curse. She needed the closure a solution would provide her. She needed to find a way through feeling as though she wasn't deserving of kindness anymore.

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stunning set by Lady <3

Ezra made a face. He couldn't articulate his point, and she knew that he couldn't. It seemed like a cheap shot to try and force him to.

He sighed and looked over her work area, trying to figure out the titles where he could without moving any of the books. After a moment he slipped into the chair opposite her at the table and held a hand out expectantly for her notes.

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Rolling her eyes, Rosalie slid the book acros the table for his inspection. "You're not going to be able to interpret them." She explained with a slight shrug. The random words, numbers and symbols had more to do with gardening than curse breaking. She kept a key buried deep in her bag for when she ran into concepts she hadn't already memorized the key to, but she wouldn't be offering that just for him to scoff at.

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stunning set by Lady <3

Ezra's brows knit together as he glanced at the notebook's open page. She was right; it was unintelligible. Even if she'd only been writing down keywords and phrases instead of complete sentences he'd expected he would be able to figure out exactly which direction her research was taking her. He'd looked into all of this before, of course, and he'd run into all the same brick walls she was probably running into. With a frown he flipped through a few previous pages and discovered her notes were just more of the same. They didn't make sense, and they didn't seem at all related to what he knew she was trying to figure out.

"Why write in code?" he asked. He still didn't know exactly how his letter had come across to her; was this somehow related?

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"It isn't my secret to share." Rosalie sheepishly replied. His was a necessary secret to protect were someone to peek over her shoulder or intercept her notes. She also wasn't sure if the ministry would demand to see progress on her research, and although her code wasn't so advanced that their brightest minds wouldn't be able to solve it, she knew she needed to have time to warn him.

"I can send you an uncoded copy later, if you'd like." She would duplicate it for him, as Rosalie feared he wouldn't send her notes back at all this time.

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stunning set by Lady <3

Ezra's frown deepened. "I don't do this sort of thing anymore," he said. The implication he hoped was obvious: he had done this for too long already. He had given up hope of finding a real, permanent solution and was sticking to managing symptoms as best he could for as long as he could. She was going to give up on it too, sooner or later, so it might as well be sooner. She didn't owe him this; she didn't owe him anything. They were nothing to each other, at this point.

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"Okay." Had she not intricately tied her deserving of forgiveness to finding some sort of solution for this, Rosalie might've had more grace and understanding towards him. He had lived with this for at least five years, presumably longer since he mentioned researching at twenty-one (another note she meant to jot down), and it made sense that he'd give up. However, she wasn't ready to abandon hope for him. Even if they never reconnected, even if he never forgave her, it would be deeply meaningful for her to know something she did had helped rather than hurt.

"If it's all the same to you, I'm going to keep looking into it." Rosalie then added, her brows furrowed with mild frustration.

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stunning set by Lady <3

It wasn't all the same to him, and that was what he'd been trying to get across to her ever since he'd learned not even written communication could get across to her. He pursed his lips at the expression on her face. He could recognize when she was frustrated, and likely to be stubborn.

"Why?" he asked. "Even if you figured it all out, what would it change?"

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Nothing. A solution for him would change absolutely nothing for her. Their love would have still died, their marriage would have still ended before it began. Nothing would change, with the single exception of Ezra being able to live freely.

That in itself was worth the exhausting amount of research she'd done since discovering it.

Rosalie shrugged, unsure of how to voice her thoughts without revealing the layers of emotion tied to them. She didn't want him to feel obligated to help her, nor did she want him to think she thought this would somehow fix things between them. It wouldn't — she knew it wouldn't. "Why does it have to change anything?" Rosalie eventually managed to point out. "Why can't I simply want to help?"

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stunning set by Lady <3

Ezra let out an exasperated breath. "Because we're not —" he started, but cut off when he realized any way to finish the sentence had the potential to sting — and to attract attention to their conversation from anyone who might be nearby in the library. But she knew what he was trying to say: they were nothing to each other. If they were family, if they were friends, if they were lovers, then she didn't have to have a reason. In those situations it was acceptable to want to do something solely for someone else. When the only conversations they'd had in the past year were a vicious argument and her showing up unannounced and uninvited in his bedroom after midnight, she didn't have the same rights. He didn't believe that this was wholly altruistic. He was afraid that she thought it would change things, whatever she said — afraid that she thought if she found the cure somewhere in here, they would marry. And he couldn't — couldn't give her hope for that, knowing she was going to be so disappointed when she kept hitting dead ends.

"It's not worth your time," he insisted.

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Her gaze hardened. Obviously — obviously — they were nothing to one another. He wouldn't have said the horrible and vicious things he had at Halloween if there was any ounce of love for her left in his heart. There was only vengeance and hurt remaining. Rosalie knew this as surely as she knew the rhythm of her own heartbeat.

Still, it wouldn't deter her from her studies. Not when he might someone else to love one day. Not when he might still have a chance of having a family. If nothing else, he deserved a chance.

"That isn't your decision to make." Rosalie answered as calmly as she could, which, admittedly, wasn't entirely calm. "I don't question our standing with one another — I'm not delusional enough to consider that finding a solution might somehow fix everything else. It won't. This —" is all I can do. Rosalie rubbed her temples tiredly. Perhaps she was wrong to want to help him, perhaps it was invasive of her to continue on in spite of him.

She couldn't — Rosalie would never sleep again if she stopped now.

"It's my choice to decide how my time is spent. If you don't want to help me, that's fine. I respect your decision and will not force the issue beyond writing with possible solutions. I'm only asking for the same courtesy in return." She explained after a minute's pause.

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stunning set by Lady <3

This was maddening. He was only trying to help her, but he couldn't tell her that. Any indication he gave that he still cared about her, even in the most perfunctory sense, would only add fuel to her fire. Anything he told her about what he'd already done she would take as encouragement to go farther, clues to be used in the search rather than discouragements. There was nothing he could say to convince her, it seemed.

"Read what you like," he eventually grumbled. "But don't write me. I won't read them."

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"Fine." Rosalie muttered. She was fsr from a possible solution anyway, and once there she could find some other avenue to him — his sister perhaps. "If there's nothing else?"

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stunning set by Lady <3

Ezra ground his teeth, but there was nothing else he could say to her right now. "Fine," he agreed. He just had to ignore her from now on, he decided, and hope she eventually got discouraged enough to move on.

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