22 July, 1892 — Fairy Court Ball, Wellingtonshire
The problem with a ball in the trees — he had never thought of it before, because he wasn't sure he had been to an outdoor ball like this before. The invite was really for Cecilia, Ezra had decided. This wasn't his usual crowd, the party wasn't his usual scene — at first he'd been a little baffled by his inclusion here, but after hearing someone remark on how the hostess was hoping to see her son married soon it made a little more sense. Cecilia was the sort of person someone might want to marry. She wasn't moody (like Ezra) or crazy (like Byron) or odd (like their father) — or at least, she had managed not to be known for any of those things. So the invitation had probably been for her, and the rest of the family had been included because there was no way to politely exclude them. Some part of him had probably known that before they'd arrived, too, he thought. If he'd thought he was being invited for his own merits, he probably would have skipped it. He wasn't much of a mind for socializing, lately, and it didn't seem likely he'd be able to corner anyone and get them to play his tile game at a fairy-themed garden ball.
But he didn't think his situation was dire enough at the moment that he ought to derail Cecilia's chances for his sake. A ball in the trees was a novelty, and when he first arrived Ezra didn't see the problem with it. The shadows were flitting through his peripheral vision, but he could grin and bear it for an evening, and Cecilia could have her night to shine, and then when he got home he could see about cornering someone for a game. He'd need to drive them back a little farther before he could sleep tonight, Ezra thought; when they were this close, he had trouble keeping his eyes closed, no matter how exhausted he was. But it was nothing he hadn't dealt with before; he'd had them closer before, and he could manage. He could get through this and go home and then clean things up.
Dancing outdoors with fairy-lights bobbing and swaying around the crowds, moving with the music, made even the ordinary shadows look more sinister — they acted less predictably, with the movement and the inconsistent light. And the backdrop of the trees was an uneven canvas to paint them over, which meant that Ezra's shadows faded out of view almost as soon as he caught sight of them, which actually made it that much easier to ignore them. He was a little anxious, a little suspicious, just because of how everyone's shadows were moving — but not any more than was usual for him, these days. He was seeing shapes where none existed — reaching hands in gnarled tree branches, gaping maws in the rough gaps in bark — but he could shake those off and put his focus back on the party easily enough.
He watched Cecilia take the dance floor and turned to go refresh his drink, and that was when Ezra realized the problem with a ball in the trees. With everyone's shadows skipping unpredictably, he'd lost sight of his shadows. The last grasping hand he'd thought he'd conjured out of a gnarled tree branch was, in reality, a grasping hand — and it was alarmingly near. They'd crept up all around him, while he was pretending they were still buried in the trees, and now they were suffocatingly close at hand.
"I have to go," he told a friend, without preamble. "Tell my family, will you? I'm ill." He must have looked it, pale in the face and suddenly hollow-eyed, because his friend didn't question the excuse at all. The shadows would follow him home, of course — they followed him everywhere — but home was a safer place to fend them off. If he stayed here, surrounded by people, surrounded by society, he might end up having some sort of very public breakdown, the way his brother had. At home, if he ended up raving, at least someone would be home sooner or later to sympathize.
He intended to floo back home, but the fireplace was on the other end of one of these paths through the woods, if he remembered correctly. Ezra took a deep breath to steel himself, watching the shadows swirl menacingly around the edges of the path. I'm coming whether you like it or not, he thought — trying to bolster himself into defiance as a substitute for the bravery he currently did not feel — and plunged down the path.
Ten steps down the trail, all light except the moon overhead was gone. It was an unnatural darkness, Ezra suspected. The lights from the party behind him should have carried this far, and should have faded out more gradually than they had. There were shadows behind him, blocking his way back to humanity. He knew they were there, so he didn't need to turn to look. Seeing them would not improve his situation.
The problem with a ball in the trees was that at some point in the night one had to contend with the trees. There wasn't much moonlight here, filtering down through all the branches. It made it difficult to find his footing on the path, and he stumbled into a branch or two as he walked. It made it harder to discern the vague shapes of branches and roots from the fluid shapes of the shadows as well, which meant that any time he stubbed his boot against a root or brushed his shoulder on a branch he sprang back in alarm, worried he had come into contact with one of those things. A thought occurred to him which seemed too plausible not to be fact: if one of the shadows touched his heart, he would die.
If, a very small voice in the back of his mind pointed out. He'd thought if they touched him, not when. That was good. There was some hope for him, still. He just had to get through the woods.
Just as he'd thought this, the moonlight dulled. Ezra stopped on the path, paralyzed with anxiety as he tried to determine what that might mean. Were there shadows above him, blotting out the moon? Could they succeed in hiding all the light from him, leaving him trapped in the darkness here? If that happened there would be nothing at all to prevent his walking straight into one of them. He was never going to make it out of here, he thought with a sinking feeling. This was where it ended, a stone's throw away from a ball in the trees where his sister was presumably still enjoying her evening. Skin clammy and hands shaking, he felt his way towards the nearest tree and put his back to it. If he was going to lose his ability to see, he would rather be sure of where he was first.
And maybe this was a blessing, in a way, the lack of light. Maybe if he was going to die, if it was inevitable, it would be better not to see it.
He pressed his back to the tree until he could feel the roughness of the bark even through his suit, closed his eyes, and tried to breathe deeply.
But he didn't think his situation was dire enough at the moment that he ought to derail Cecilia's chances for his sake. A ball in the trees was a novelty, and when he first arrived Ezra didn't see the problem with it. The shadows were flitting through his peripheral vision, but he could grin and bear it for an evening, and Cecilia could have her night to shine, and then when he got home he could see about cornering someone for a game. He'd need to drive them back a little farther before he could sleep tonight, Ezra thought; when they were this close, he had trouble keeping his eyes closed, no matter how exhausted he was. But it was nothing he hadn't dealt with before; he'd had them closer before, and he could manage. He could get through this and go home and then clean things up.
Dancing outdoors with fairy-lights bobbing and swaying around the crowds, moving with the music, made even the ordinary shadows look more sinister — they acted less predictably, with the movement and the inconsistent light. And the backdrop of the trees was an uneven canvas to paint them over, which meant that Ezra's shadows faded out of view almost as soon as he caught sight of them, which actually made it that much easier to ignore them. He was a little anxious, a little suspicious, just because of how everyone's shadows were moving — but not any more than was usual for him, these days. He was seeing shapes where none existed — reaching hands in gnarled tree branches, gaping maws in the rough gaps in bark — but he could shake those off and put his focus back on the party easily enough.
He watched Cecilia take the dance floor and turned to go refresh his drink, and that was when Ezra realized the problem with a ball in the trees. With everyone's shadows skipping unpredictably, he'd lost sight of his shadows. The last grasping hand he'd thought he'd conjured out of a gnarled tree branch was, in reality, a grasping hand — and it was alarmingly near. They'd crept up all around him, while he was pretending they were still buried in the trees, and now they were suffocatingly close at hand.
"I have to go," he told a friend, without preamble. "Tell my family, will you? I'm ill." He must have looked it, pale in the face and suddenly hollow-eyed, because his friend didn't question the excuse at all. The shadows would follow him home, of course — they followed him everywhere — but home was a safer place to fend them off. If he stayed here, surrounded by people, surrounded by society, he might end up having some sort of very public breakdown, the way his brother had. At home, if he ended up raving, at least someone would be home sooner or later to sympathize.
He intended to floo back home, but the fireplace was on the other end of one of these paths through the woods, if he remembered correctly. Ezra took a deep breath to steel himself, watching the shadows swirl menacingly around the edges of the path. I'm coming whether you like it or not, he thought — trying to bolster himself into defiance as a substitute for the bravery he currently did not feel — and plunged down the path.
Ten steps down the trail, all light except the moon overhead was gone. It was an unnatural darkness, Ezra suspected. The lights from the party behind him should have carried this far, and should have faded out more gradually than they had. There were shadows behind him, blocking his way back to humanity. He knew they were there, so he didn't need to turn to look. Seeing them would not improve his situation.
The problem with a ball in the trees was that at some point in the night one had to contend with the trees. There wasn't much moonlight here, filtering down through all the branches. It made it difficult to find his footing on the path, and he stumbled into a branch or two as he walked. It made it harder to discern the vague shapes of branches and roots from the fluid shapes of the shadows as well, which meant that any time he stubbed his boot against a root or brushed his shoulder on a branch he sprang back in alarm, worried he had come into contact with one of those things. A thought occurred to him which seemed too plausible not to be fact: if one of the shadows touched his heart, he would die.
If, a very small voice in the back of his mind pointed out. He'd thought if they touched him, not when. That was good. There was some hope for him, still. He just had to get through the woods.
Just as he'd thought this, the moonlight dulled. Ezra stopped on the path, paralyzed with anxiety as he tried to determine what that might mean. Were there shadows above him, blotting out the moon? Could they succeed in hiding all the light from him, leaving him trapped in the darkness here? If that happened there would be nothing at all to prevent his walking straight into one of them. He was never going to make it out of here, he thought with a sinking feeling. This was where it ended, a stone's throw away from a ball in the trees where his sister was presumably still enjoying her evening. Skin clammy and hands shaking, he felt his way towards the nearest tree and put his back to it. If he was going to lose his ability to see, he would rather be sure of where he was first.
And maybe this was a blessing, in a way, the lack of light. Maybe if he was going to die, if it was inevitable, it would be better not to see it.
He pressed his back to the tree until he could feel the roughness of the bark even through his suit, closed his eyes, and tried to breathe deeply.
![[Image: 5WWaDR1.png]](https://i.imgur.com/5WWaDR1.png)