May 31st, 1893 — Crouch Home, Swallowbury

"I guess this is it." It was a statement of the obvious — he'd been hovering in the parlor with nothing left to do for the past minute. He'd started packing at the beginning of the month, after he'd broken the news to Melody and discussed all of the logistics with her. It hadn't taken long; almost everything was staying here for Nora and Melody to use. The only things going with him were his personal affects, things that were useless except to him. Everything he was taking with him fit in one trunk, with the help of an expansion charm. It had been laying by the floo for the past few hours. He'd spent the afternoon with Nora, trying to soak up as much time with her as he could. They had planned that she would visit within the week, but in spite of that he missed her already. He'd started missing her the moment he shut the nursery door and started walking downstairs.

He didn't know how to say goodbye to Melody. It wasn't really goodbye, of course, because he would see her frequently moving forward. They'd have to cross paths every time Nora visited him, and he'd told her that he was forever only an owl away if she needed anything. He'd still be paying the expenses for this household, so there were any number of reasons she might need to write. That was a different kind of relationship to what they'd had in the past, though, so this was still a goodbye.

Or maybe it wasn't — maybe that goodbye had already happened when he'd told her he was leaving, or even earlier, when he'd decided to shut the door on any future romantic possibilities between the two of them. Maybe there was nothing left to say.

He didn't know how to leave. "So," he said, and scuffed the toe of his shoe on the ground.

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Melody Crouch

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   Diana Abbott

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Out of respect for Ben, Melody had refrained from nearing the nursery for the entirety of the afternoon. For all his faults and failures (which weren't nearly as plentiful as her own) he remained an incredible father to their daughter. That his time with her would now be limited and confined to specific encounters was the greatest tragedy to come out of this entire situation. Well, that and the family they could have had had she found him that night instead of Beckett.

An intense wave of grief washed over her as she heard his footsteps down the stairs. Three years of marriage with all its struggles, disappointments, arguments and fears were effectively over. A chapter sealed shut. All the effort they'd put into making it work, all the plans she had begun to rely upon, everything was simply gone now. Nothing - nothing would change his mind now.

There was nothing left to do but give in.

She couldn't meet his eye, could scarcely keep her head held high enough to look at the freckle on his cheek. "You -" you don't have to leave, Melody nearly told him again. They had existed in the same house for nearly a year without much issue, but that was before. Before all the arguments that led up to Nora's conception and all the ones that came after. Existing as friends now would only cause the wounds to take longer to heal. It was the right decision, it just felt so incredibly wrong. "You're welcome to come see Nora whenever. You know that." She quickly stated instead, hoping he wouldn't pick up on the too long pause between her near statement and the one said.

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   Diana Abbott

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Ben's throat constricted. "Yeah, I — yeah, I know. Thanks. Thank you," he said. He didn't know why he'd said everything twice; maybe to drive home that he meant it. It was good of her to say it, good of her to offer, but of course he wasn't going to take advantage of the offer. At least not for the foreseeable future. He knew that having the two of them separated was going to be difficult for Nora. The advice that he'd been given was that sticking to a routine was the best way to help her through the transition. If he dropped by any time that he missed her, it would only lead her to ask 'Dada?' more often when he wasn't there.

Not to mention the extra hurt it would cause Melody. He saw the look in her eyes. He'd heard the pause in her sentence. This wasn't easy for her, either, whatever had happened between them.

"I'll, uhm. The weather's getting nicer. Maybe I'll take her to the beach sometime," he volunteered. "A beach, I mean. Not the Sanditon. Somewhere — a Muggle beach, somewhere."

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Melody had known this day was coming for some time now. They had discussed his plans and the expectations of Nora's care without much difficulty, almost as though they were making business arrangements and not dissolving a marriage. And yet, now that the day was here Melody wished she had put up more of an argument. Perhaps if she had railed against his decision to leave he would have chosen to stay. Maybe if she forced him into a conversation with Beckett then he would've accepted that she had never wanted anyone but him.

Or, maybe he would have taken Nora with him and refused her access.

It was well within his rights, after all. Ben needn't even mention her adultery to have the divorce settled firmly on his side. She had drugged and forced him into a marriage he never once wished for.

His leaving had always been inevitable.

"The beach sounds great, she loved it last summer." Melody offered steadily despite her heart breaking. She then gestured to the note left upon the table nearest the fireplace. "I left Diana's address for you there, I couldn't remember if you had it or not. She ... she offered for Nora and I to stay with her sometimes. I didn't want you to think we - I left without word." He always assumed the worst of her, as if she was incapable of change. As if she had commited some heinous sin against Nora.

"She knows about - she knows. You can write to her to confirm our plans or visit there yourself if you need."

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   Diana Abbott

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It was good that Melody had told him she might be staying elsewhere, and reminded him of the address. He probably would have thought the worst if he'd come to visit and no one had been here. As much as he would have liked to believe the best of his wife, they had too much history for that. At least not for a good long while, until some of the fresher wounds had scabbed over. At the same time, her words made him uncomfortable. He didn't really know Diana Abbott. He didn't know most of Melody's friends, except by name and vague facial recognition. It was strange to think that someone he had hardly interacted with had been read in to a decision that had been so personal and deeply troublesome for him.

He'd told Art, though, and of course people were going to know sooner or later. He couldn't begrudge Melody telling her friends what had happened, or what was currently happening. It was just... odd, to imagine them talking about it while he'd been off somewhere else, with no idea that his life was being dragged out into the harsh light of examination like that. He could only hope Melody had been charitable to him in her recounting... or not. Maybe it didn't matter. If he'd never interacted with Melody's friends much before, it was unlikely he'd have any new opportunities to do so now. Did it matter what they thought of him?

"Alright." He shifted his weight on his feet, but otherwise shoved the discomfort down as he continued. "I'll, uhm, just write to you. I don't — need to check your story with anyone." His cheeks colored slightly at even having to specify this, though he understood why Melody had thought to include it. He'd told her he didn't think he could trust her any more, and this was most likely in response to that sentiment. Trust was complicated, though. He wouldn't have believed she would take Nora somewhere and then lie to him about it if he wrote to her, or that she would take Nora anywhere unsafe. He didn't know how to explain how that was different than what he meant when he said he couldn't trust her, so didn't bother to try.

"I'll probably want to take Nora to visit my family sometimes," he said. This was hardly something that needed to be litigated now, because it wouldn't be relevant for months — perhaps he was stalling. "After we've... got settled in, I guess, to a routine. So we'll just — coordinate that ahead of time. I, ah, I imagine you — wouldn't want to come."

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Melody wasn't sure if it was because she had somewhat put him on the spot or because he believed her, but she was relieved to know he didn't think she was going to disappear with Nora. Perhaps she would have once upon a time, back when she was considering every possible avenue to remove herself from the marriage. Back when the loneliness was almost as unbearable as being unloved was. Melody knew better now though, she saw the love her daughter and soon-to-be estranged husband shared. She would sooner cut off a limb than interfere with that relationship.

"Okay." Melody said a bit uselessly. She wasn't about to insist he write to Diana. "I'll tell Mrs. - too when we're planning to go, so she'll know too." It might've been a bit desperate to push the conversation along like this, but Melody wasn't ready for him to leave. She wasn't ready to be alone in the house that was supposed to be theirs.

Then, Ben mentioned his family and Melody turned her head towards the window. His family was the only family that remained to her, and even that was no longer an option. Benevolence was one of her dearest friends and yet Melody would never be able to comfortably set foot in her house. "I don't think I'd be welcomed regardless." She replied, still not looking at him.

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Ben's mouth felt dry. She wasn't wrong, exactly; she had never had the warmest of receptions in his family, even when things had been better between the two of them. Roman had been nicest to her, and Aldous had never been overtly mean, but they both made a career out of handling situations they didn't like diplomatically and they'd clearly been putting their skills to use in the situations in which they'd all interacted. They invited Melody only for his sake, tolerated her for his sake. Still, he didn't want her to think that he'd actively burned any bridges for her there. Things weren't great between Melody and his family and they never had been, but they weren't necessarily worse at the moment then they had been in the past.

"I didn't tell my brothers why," he said. He didn't mention November, but her exclusion from the statement probably spoke for itself. "They didn't ask."

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He hadn't told his brothers because he hadn't needed to. The two elder Crouch brothers were too polite to ever ask such a question outright, they were also intelligent enough to pick up on the smallest of details. Ben didn't need to say "my wife is an adulterous whore" for Aldous to understand what had happened. Besides, if he hadn't told his brothers Mrs. Malfoy likely would have. There was never a warm welcome for her in his family, and now the reception would be ice cold.

"It's alright, Ben." Melody said quietly in an attempt to wave off wherever this conversation was heading. That she felt as though she was on the verge of tears was something she refused to acknowledge in front of him. "I understand. I - " she didn't know what else to say anymore. Then, even quieter she repeated, "It's alright."

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Watching her reaction made him feel as though something was collapsing inside of him. I'm sorry, he felt the urge to say, but he didn't know what he was apologizing for, and he didn't want to say it if it was just a pair of empty words. Ben hovered there for a moment, tense and unsure where to channel that nervous energy.

"This is better," he eventually said, with a tone as though he was still trying to convince himself. It would have been a stretch to claim this was for the best, because everything about it was shit, but it could reasonably be claimed that his going was better than his staying. He did believe it, too — he wouldn't have chosen to leave if he'd thought there was something left to salvage here. But they weren't ever going to get to the other side of it if they stayed here picking scabs off each other's wounds every day. The two of them had never been meant to be happy together. He wasn't sure they could be happy apart, either, but it seemed they had more of a fighting chance that way.

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Better for who? Melody thought to press. Nora was going to miss out on countless memories with him — not the exciting beach trips but the mundane routines. She wasn't going to run towards the parlor when Melody whispered her father had come home. She wasn't going to go on as many walks or play with him as much. The singlemost important person in this situation was the one who was going to suffer the most, and there was not a damn thing Melody could do to stop it.

"Okay." She agreed as she dug her nails into her palms to distract from the burning need to cry.

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Ben swallowed hard. "Okay," he parroted. He closed his hands into fitful fists, feeling the pressure of his own fingertips against his palms, then opened them again. Melody looked miserable. He felt miserable. He didn't know how he looked. He had another urge to apologize, a whole stream of I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that couldn't connect to any concrete thoughts. Even if he knew what he wanted to apologize for, would it change anything to be sorry about it?

He hesitated for a moment, shifted his weight again, and then realized that the thing he was most concretely sorry for at the moment was that he was drawing this out too long. He'd been stalling from the beginning because he was afraid to step through the floo, to finally commit. But that was cowardly — he'd been the one to make this decision, and he was the only one who could see it through. It wasn't Melody's responsibility to leave; he was the one who was leaving.

"Okay," he said again. "Okay. 'Bye, then. Write any time."

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She didn't turn her head to watch him leave. She thought to, thought he deserved the respect of acknowledgement, but she couldn't.

She just couldn't.

Instead, Melody barely muttered, "goodbye" before turning from him completely to retreat up the stairs. To do anything else would have meant crumbling in front of him, something he likely would've named a ploy or an attempt to stop his leaving and she refused to be named his captor ever again.

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