Foxwood took a step toward him, and let out a breath before speaking so quietly, he must have thought Gus would break if he spoke any louder. He shook his head before he caught on to the look - the other was curious, protective in a way he hadn’t been in a decade. He didn’t need to be protected, but perhaps it would feel good to release a secret he’d kept under wraps for a while. It surprised him that it was his boggart - Gus had always figured his would be losing his family members, death in general, not sitting behind some bars in prison for simply being himself. It made him feel selfish, that his boggart was focused around his well-being.

He sighed, shakily, as he raked his fingers through his hair. Foxwood was shifting uncomfortably, and Gus shook his head again. Was he ready to truly admit what it was? It would scare the other away for good, and Gus was terrified of losing him again. They’d just started to reconnect and he was ready for that level of friendship again. Still, after witnessing that, he knew he owed him some kind of explanation, lest his own mind start to fill in the blanks - whatever Foxwood would conjure might be far worse than what had actually happened.

Finally, Gus met Basil’s eyes. He smiled sadly, the memories fleeting as they filtered through his head. It felt odd, telling him of his travels and his life after him when he’d tried so hard to keep them separate. Basil didn’t want to know what he’d been up to during his travels, and Gus couldn’t blame him. After another moment, he started to speak slowly, picking his words rather carefully. “I trusted someone with a secret. We met when I first went over and wound up taking most of the same assignments, so it was only natural we became friends.” William Ash. They’d connected around the fires while camping, in the tombs where they had to have each other’s back, in flats over tea and jokes and owls. He’d become one of his best friends over the course of a decade. He trusted him with his life. Look where that got him.

Gus wasn’t sure where he’d gone wrong. What signs he’d read incorrectly, or if William let him blur the lines between friendship and relationship because he had a suspicion Gus was gay. He’d never taken a girl home to his flat, even in the times he’d been able to. Of course someone who knew him so well would eventually put two and two together. He tried to understand the betrayal, no matter how much it hurt. He was unnatural and it was only fair to warn others of it, lest Gus try to take advantage of someone else. He was disgusting. He was a criminal and a sinner. Who in their right mind would want to befriend and trust someone like that?

But Gus was still Gus, and while terrified of what people would think, wasn’t ready to be outed. Or ostracized. He loved people, the wrong people, but surely that didn’t make him a monster. He didn’t need a warning - no one would ever see that side of him again, as long as he lived. William had crossed a line, and then more Gus mulled over it, the angrier he became. He understood the man not wanting to be his friend… but to make him seem like a monster who needed to be put down? He hadn’t hurt anyone. Hadn’t killed anyone. Gus just wanted to fall and in love and live happily every after like most people. He just wanted to be… happy.

This time when he spoke, he snarled, allowing some of the anger to bubble out. “And a year ago he branded me like some kind of animal when he’d learned it.” Gus could feel the words tearing into his skin. Absent-mindedly,  he scratched at the scar through his robe. His eyebrows knitted together as he lowered his gaze to glare at the ground. “It’s not something I could have had a healer look at. It would...” Ruin me. Kill me. Destroy me.

“I did the best I could to cover it.” He choked the words out. He’d managed to at least cover the part people would see. “And when he learned I was trying to keep it a secret again, he blackmailed me. I couldn’t… I wanted to come home.” It had been a terrible few months. Gus sighed and shook his head, not wanting to offer anything more. He couldn’t look at Basil, and instead took a few steps away from him to give them some space.

If someone else finds out, Azkaban will be my life. Gus swallowed the words.

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