Ben tensed at the word us, then tried to force himself to relax. He was following Aldous' advice and not giving her any reason to go digging into an unhappy past, but it was still his knee-jerk reaction to be tense at any conversation about their relationship. There was a lot of baggage to sort through there — or rather, a lot of baggage to sidestep and sweep under the rug in order to keep Melody blissfully unaware of it. Not that he was sure it was working. Ben still thought Aldous was right in his advice, but Melody hadn't exactly been blissful since her accident. Blissfully happy women didn't write letters to their former fiancees to 'try and figure things out.'
There were any number of reasons why she might have been unhappy, even without all of their past. They didn't have the sort of money she was used to from her life before marriage. He couldn't give her that sort of lifestyle. He'd been transparent about that from the start and had used it as one good reason not to marry her when she'd first proposed it. Finances aside, though, Ben had always supposed himself to be... deficient in other ways, as a husband. He'd never particularly thought that he would be very good at caring for someone else. He thought he'd turned the corner on that when Nora was born, but maybe not. Maybe there was something he was missing, some lack of attentiveness that she'd picked up on, and that was why she wanted to talk.
He assumed the question are you happy was really a veiled way of saying because I'm not. He wet his lips and looked at Melody for a moment, feeling trapped. Should he ask where this was coming from? Or would a good husband already have known? (Maybe he did already know).
"Yes," he said, wondering if it was the wrong answer. He thought perhaps he ought to add something, but anything he could think felt less like a qualifier, not a genuine sentiment. Our daughter makes me happy could be construed as I'm only happy because of our daughter, which... wasn't the case, was it?
There were any number of reasons why she might have been unhappy, even without all of their past. They didn't have the sort of money she was used to from her life before marriage. He couldn't give her that sort of lifestyle. He'd been transparent about that from the start and had used it as one good reason not to marry her when she'd first proposed it. Finances aside, though, Ben had always supposed himself to be... deficient in other ways, as a husband. He'd never particularly thought that he would be very good at caring for someone else. He thought he'd turned the corner on that when Nora was born, but maybe not. Maybe there was something he was missing, some lack of attentiveness that she'd picked up on, and that was why she wanted to talk.
He assumed the question are you happy was really a veiled way of saying because I'm not. He wet his lips and looked at Melody for a moment, feeling trapped. Should he ask where this was coming from? Or would a good husband already have known? (Maybe he did already know).
"Yes," he said, wondering if it was the wrong answer. He thought perhaps he ought to add something, but anything he could think felt less like a qualifier, not a genuine sentiment. Our daughter makes me happy could be construed as I'm only happy because of our daughter, which... wasn't the case, was it?
MJ made this <3