There was very little chance to slow down, after that. Evander hadn’t expected her to be quite so enthusiastic – if ever she had reason to be as anxious as he was about anything, it was here – but her answer was unequivocal. For his part, all his remaining energy for thought was expended on wresting open her corset hooks and then, clumsily, the rest of his clothes; after that, he had to stop thinking, if only to push away the lingering guilt at the idea this was something illicit, because it wasn’t. Not now, at any rate; he had repressed the thought of it long enough. Now this was expected. Encouraged. They were – allowed to enjoy it, even. They were married. Husband and wife.
And – he supposed – he loved her. The notion only came to him afterwards, once he had caught his breath beside her, lying there a little too warm in these sheets. The French pillows were too soft. Caroline’s hair was loose on hers, messier than he had ever seen it. And he loved her. Had he ever told her that? Had he even thought it? It felt as though it had slipped his mind on every occasion prior. Not that love was a prerequisite for marriage, of course, had not ever needed to be factored in, but... he had not just begun being in love with her today, had he? Surely not. So it must have been there, somewhere... Evander wracked his brain, rattled through all they had ever said to each other and came up empty, wondered whether he ought to break the silence and say it now.
But it was late, and they were both deservedly exhausted, and there was an early morning start marked on the itinerary. There would be other opportunities to say it. Better moments. And she – oh, she must already know.
And – he supposed – he loved her. The notion only came to him afterwards, once he had caught his breath beside her, lying there a little too warm in these sheets. The French pillows were too soft. Caroline’s hair was loose on hers, messier than he had ever seen it. And he loved her. Had he ever told her that? Had he even thought it? It felt as though it had slipped his mind on every occasion prior. Not that love was a prerequisite for marriage, of course, had not ever needed to be factored in, but... he had not just begun being in love with her today, had he? Surely not. So it must have been there, somewhere... Evander wracked his brain, rattled through all they had ever said to each other and came up empty, wondered whether he ought to break the silence and say it now.
But it was late, and they were both deservedly exhausted, and there was an early morning start marked on the itinerary. There would be other opportunities to say it. Better moments. And she – oh, she must already know.
