It was a question that made sense, but it cut Cash short - literally, he paused walking for half a second and then took an extra few steps. What was he scared of? For so long, he'd been so afraid that his father would find out about his romantic proclivities that any fears after that happened felt like shadows of real fear. Besides that - for so long after Eli's death he felt like he was walking in a dream. It had been so rare that things punctured into that cloud to cause actual feeling that now that he was clawing his way back, clinging to things that felt interesting or different or like feeling, that he wanted to be afraid.
"Let me think," Cash said after a beat - he glanced up at the moon and then at Greengrass, and thumbed over the back of his pocketwatch. What was he afraid of now? He was afraid of Lucius, firmly and clearly - but he couldn't say that to Greengrass, or to anyone. He was not afraid of death, but of disappointing the dead. The answer came to him after another beat, and Cash swallowed before giving it.
The thought that he could lie had not actually occurred to him.
"I'm afraid of being trapped inside my own head," Cash said finally, "I don't know if that makes sense, but it's - real."
He was afraid of losing his mind, of losing the grasp he managed to maintain on it.
"Let me think," Cash said after a beat - he glanced up at the moon and then at Greengrass, and thumbed over the back of his pocketwatch. What was he afraid of now? He was afraid of Lucius, firmly and clearly - but he couldn't say that to Greengrass, or to anyone. He was not afraid of death, but of disappointing the dead. The answer came to him after another beat, and Cash swallowed before giving it.
The thought that he could lie had not actually occurred to him.
"I'm afraid of being trapped inside my own head," Cash said finally, "I don't know if that makes sense, but it's - real."
He was afraid of losing his mind, of losing the grasp he managed to maintain on it.
MJ made this!