She leaned into his touch, allowing her tears to be swept away as they continued to fall. She was not angry or disappointed in anything specific; it was the overarching emotional turmoil that she'd been juggling since Ari had proposed to her on a whim that one fateful day years ago. It was crumbling of the facade, the fear of how they would handle the reality moving forward. She had been so used to ignoring the more intimate aspects of their marriage and instead focusing on keeping face for his relatives and their coworkers. It was as though she'd unlocked a truth she wasn't prepared for, and now had no idea how to handle.
As critical of Christian values as she'd always been since her pastor father had disowned her, her view of how marriage should be—man and woman, in love and loyal, until the day one made the other a widow—had remained in line with those values, and was now crumbling before her. Ari did not love her. He did not want to have her as a man ought to have his wife, and now he was openly expressing that he hoped she would find love somewhere. A world where the chance for love meant seeking it outside of her marriage was not a world that Dionisia was prepared to handle, nor one she knew how to navigate. She wasn't ready to, even despite knowing with certainty that she would never find that fulfillment in Ari.
She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his middle, pressing her face into his chest. She had never felt uncomfortable around him, and for that she knew she should be grateful; many women, even who had originally married their husbands for love, could not say the same. He had a healer's touch, even when he was the source of her turmoil. It was who he was.
"When I spent the summers at your family's home as a student, I used to dream of marrying one of the Fisk boys. I wanted to be Zelda's sister. I always wanted a family as big as yours." she murmured, unashamedly using his shirt to wipe away her remaining tears. She used to think she would marry Nemo; he was young and handsome, and easy enough to talk to. But like most childhood crushes, nothing had ever come of it and it had eventually faded away. "I know you think you've ruined my life or my chances of happiness, but in a way, you've also given me what I once dreamed of." It would be silly to pretend she was a romantic, even if she'd grown to desire such a connection. It was only two years ago she'd been committed to the idea of dying a spinster, but it turned out that being the wife of a comfortable healer-in-charge had some perks.
She allowed herself to hold onto him for a few moments more before pulling back to look at him. "But if this is going to work, I need you to promise me something." She sniffed, took a deep breath, and straightened her back, trying to reign in her emotions and self-respect. She could not go to bed crying. She would not allow it. "You won't pity me. You'll pretend you never saw me cry." A bark of laughter escaped her, as she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. Part of what made her marriage to Ari so comfortable was how well they handled their boundaries and personal business, and she'd need it to stay that way. "And I'll keep your secret. I won't treat you any different."
As critical of Christian values as she'd always been since her pastor father had disowned her, her view of how marriage should be—man and woman, in love and loyal, until the day one made the other a widow—had remained in line with those values, and was now crumbling before her. Ari did not love her. He did not want to have her as a man ought to have his wife, and now he was openly expressing that he hoped she would find love somewhere. A world where the chance for love meant seeking it outside of her marriage was not a world that Dionisia was prepared to handle, nor one she knew how to navigate. She wasn't ready to, even despite knowing with certainty that she would never find that fulfillment in Ari.
She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his middle, pressing her face into his chest. She had never felt uncomfortable around him, and for that she knew she should be grateful; many women, even who had originally married their husbands for love, could not say the same. He had a healer's touch, even when he was the source of her turmoil. It was who he was.
"When I spent the summers at your family's home as a student, I used to dream of marrying one of the Fisk boys. I wanted to be Zelda's sister. I always wanted a family as big as yours." she murmured, unashamedly using his shirt to wipe away her remaining tears. She used to think she would marry Nemo; he was young and handsome, and easy enough to talk to. But like most childhood crushes, nothing had ever come of it and it had eventually faded away. "I know you think you've ruined my life or my chances of happiness, but in a way, you've also given me what I once dreamed of." It would be silly to pretend she was a romantic, even if she'd grown to desire such a connection. It was only two years ago she'd been committed to the idea of dying a spinster, but it turned out that being the wife of a comfortable healer-in-charge had some perks.
She allowed herself to hold onto him for a few moments more before pulling back to look at him. "But if this is going to work, I need you to promise me something." She sniffed, took a deep breath, and straightened her back, trying to reign in her emotions and self-respect. She could not go to bed crying. She would not allow it. "You won't pity me. You'll pretend you never saw me cry." A bark of laughter escaped her, as she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. Part of what made her marriage to Ari so comfortable was how well they handled their boundaries and personal business, and she'd need it to stay that way. "And I'll keep your secret. I won't treat you any different."
