Inquiring after the condom was by far the most uncomfortable topic she had had to acknowledge since marrying Ben. Granted, they rarely talked enough for any topic to come about, but even talking about the abortion potion was easier than gathering the courage to ask him whether or not he could come to her bed yet. At least with the potion there weren't a long list of variables — she would take the potion or she wouldn't, she would die or she wouldn't. It wasn't complex. Asking her husband to visit her bed with a device to prevent the very thing sex was designed to accomplish felt counterproductive. But, he had asked for permission to have an affair, and well, she would do just about anything to prevent that.

The sex wasn't as enjoyable as their wedding night, but that was more fueled by her own anxieties than anything else. It was easy to lose herself in his touch, in the pleasure of sharing her body with him. However, the thought was always just on the edge of her brain that he may have done this with someone else since their wedding. And that was enough to keep her own peak just out of reach.

Still...she thought it was worth a qualifier better than not awful. Was that what he'd been expecting? Hadn't they proved to one another the first (and last) time they did this that it could be great between them? Sure, they had a mountain of emotional baggage between them now, but...not awful was just above terrible and that left an unidentifiable pit in her stomach. "Yeah." She agreed as lightheartedly as she could manage in the circumstances, which was probably better than she imagined. "It'll get better too...in time."