Why did it matter what he wanted, particularly when there was no way for him to get it? He wanted things that were impossible. He wanted Melody to be a different person, someone who could treat him like an actual partner in this marriage they'd been forced into. He wanted to go back and undo everything that had lead to this point. That was the only way his vision was working at the moment: in hindsight. He could come up with a million things he wanted to change about the past, and several large and unfeasible changes for the present. For the future, he had no idea. There wasn't a future, as far as he was concerned. He couldn't see anything past the horizon for him except misery.

"I want out," he admitted quietly, still facing the wall instead of her. Saying it out loud didn't help him feel any better; it wasn't taking a weight off his shoulders by confessing it but rather just adding another millstone to his neck, knowing that there was no feasible way to get out at this point.

Ben sighed and moved his fingers up to his shirt buttons and started to undress. "I want to go to bed."