Merlin, how he wished there was some way to phrase what he had to say next in the passive voice. The last thing he wanted to do was frame this as something he'd actively elected — but that was what Aldous was going to hear, regardless. Changing the wording would just make it sound like he was trying (and failing) to soften the blow, or dodge responsibility for what had happened. Not to mention that there was no way to do it that even sounded like a real sentence. I happened to have been eloped with wasn't a thing people said. I've found myself married was perhaps a little closer, but still. All Aldous was going to hear was I am, as I have proven myself in the past to be, a fucking nitwit.

His brother was standing now, but at least he had alcohol in hand. Maybe that would help. Hopefully he wouldn't fall over from shock, or anything melodramatic like that.

"Last night, I, ah... eloped," he said. That wasn't even the worst bit of it, though, so he had to remained braced for impact as he continued, "...with Melody Finch."