Her good-natured flippancy in the face of something that, quite frankly, terrified the life out of Alfie, did not so much quell his general anxiety about being trapped by a plant in the cold as it did create entirely new concerns for him to dwell on. Miss Simpson didn’t seem to mind the situation and it bothered him for reasons he couldn’t quite put his finger on: why did he want her to be as panicked as he felt? Instead she was smiling and so achingly casual that it made him feel like he was fourteen again and trying to manoeuvre newly overgrown limbs. She didn’t mind kissing him out of necessity and though she didn’t seem revolted by the idea – which would have been the very worst thing – she was nonplussed.

Alfie, meanwhile, felt as though his heart was fit to burst from his chest.

“I’m sorry you’ve been caught out here with me,” he said, face flushing as he tried to look anywhere but at her, despite wanting nothing more than to do just that. Oh Merlin, this was strange. What on earth was wrong with him?

“I’m sure there are other people you’d much prefer,” his eyes widened as he realised quite what he was implying. “Not that...I didn’t mean…not with your father inside at any rate…”