He couldn't imagine what was going through Kieran's mind, what it was like to go through this. To have woken up that morning, to have read the news that followed, to understand what had happened - and to somehow bear it.
But Jude knew how he would feel, if he'd been the one to do it. And it was terrifying, even pretending it: like being torn apart by a black hole from the insides, or into open wounds, oozing shame.
A second or two was all it took to wrench him back to reality, to Kieran before him with a few hollow words and a faltering hand, like he was scared to touch him.
Moving with more conviction than he could attest to have, Jude leant forwards and placed both hands on Kieran's shoulders, holding them there, face to face. "Not you. It isn't you," he said firmly, whether to remind Kieran or to persuade himself: it was the wolf. Kieran may have used I to tell the story, but he had not done this knowingly or willingly, could not control the thing he became, had not asked to become it in the first place. In no world did Topaz Urquart deserve the fate of becoming it, nor of having her life ruined, and that was unforgivable - but Kieran, Kieran had never deserved this either. "It's not your fault."
It felt inadequate, but he was at a loss. He didn't know how to fix this.
But Jude knew how he would feel, if he'd been the one to do it. And it was terrifying, even pretending it: like being torn apart by a black hole from the insides, or into open wounds, oozing shame.
A second or two was all it took to wrench him back to reality, to Kieran before him with a few hollow words and a faltering hand, like he was scared to touch him.
Moving with more conviction than he could attest to have, Jude leant forwards and placed both hands on Kieran's shoulders, holding them there, face to face. "Not you. It isn't you," he said firmly, whether to remind Kieran or to persuade himself: it was the wolf. Kieran may have used I to tell the story, but he had not done this knowingly or willingly, could not control the thing he became, had not asked to become it in the first place. In no world did Topaz Urquart deserve the fate of becoming it, nor of having her life ruined, and that was unforgivable - but Kieran, Kieran had never deserved this either. "It's not your fault."
It felt inadequate, but he was at a loss. He didn't know how to fix this.
