19 December, 1888

The year is almost over. I hope next year goes much better. Would that be to much to ask? No death. At all? I don't think this family could handle losing someone else. We lost Leory, Mother, and Father within a year. I want to make better decisions next year; I don't want all the work i've done in the last few months to go to waste because I got hit with another rebellious streak.

I want to learn to trust whatever visions I have - since I haven't gotten one since before the expedition, and I've had to live with them my whole life. I stopped listening to them after Leroy's death. Maybe if I had payed them their do's... No, our parents would probably still be dead. Mother probably would've died earlier, if i'd had a vision of Father dying.

I still want to learn to tell which visions are true and which ones are not, next year. That will be by goals: Not mess up anymore than I already have, and learn to not think of my visions as pests.