She took his hands so easily. Looking back at this moment later, he deemed that this was the reason for his confidence that he was correct in his feeling that he was not alone in his desires. Touch in their society was strictly regimented and between two people such as them, it was practically impossible. And yet they had developed a language of physical affection that, however chaste and light it may be, was as important to Samuel as anything else they did together and said to each other. It had brought to his attention that he had unknowingly starved himself for a very long time of what he now suddenly received. And what she brought to the barren land that he defended so embitteredly against anyone but her, he had quickly become dependent on.
He took a moment to look at their hands, joined together as he knew it; hers on his, easy and trusting. There was the distance between them, that they had somehow silently settled on being the appropriate one, it was always the same — slightly less than an arm's length. He looked up to her searching eyes. "If you can hear me think, you might know what I am about to say," he answered.
And then, with a feeling as if he was about to jump from a very high place, he gently pulled her towards him. Everything seemed to take a very long time. Their distance of safety shrunk and then it was gone and Themis stood as close to him at the edge of the table as was possible. Very close. He felt the fabric of her dress brush against his shins. They had been very close before, on the floor right next to where they were now, but never facing each other. Her height meant that since he was leaning back against the table slightly, their faces were now aligned; hers was even a bit higher.
Not wishing to keep her arrested by her hands, he let go of them. They had few places to land, besides falling naturally onto his chest or shoulders, or being pulled intentionally away from him, which would tell him something. His own settled without much conscious thought where it felt right; at the waistline of her dress. It was barely a touch, yet it was so distinctly a breach of their secret protocol that it might make his intentions obvious. The current he had freed would now find its way forward, he could not take it back even if he wanted. "This might be sudden", he said, "but you should know that you are all I see. You have eclipsed anything else. I can not deny that any longer." he heard himself say to her and his voice perhaps betrayed his own surprise and trepidation about the truth of that. And there was nothing else left to say, because he could not say it any more directly. And he moved to rise up towards her, but then something rang in his ears, like a warning bell and he halted in his movement for a second. He looked into her eyes, suddenly unsure what he would find there. If you are looking for the opportune moment to flee, he thought as if she could hear him, it is now. And then, because his heart was already set on it and he was already in motion, he leaned in to kiss her.
He took a moment to look at their hands, joined together as he knew it; hers on his, easy and trusting. There was the distance between them, that they had somehow silently settled on being the appropriate one, it was always the same — slightly less than an arm's length. He looked up to her searching eyes. "If you can hear me think, you might know what I am about to say," he answered.
And then, with a feeling as if he was about to jump from a very high place, he gently pulled her towards him. Everything seemed to take a very long time. Their distance of safety shrunk and then it was gone and Themis stood as close to him at the edge of the table as was possible. Very close. He felt the fabric of her dress brush against his shins. They had been very close before, on the floor right next to where they were now, but never facing each other. Her height meant that since he was leaning back against the table slightly, their faces were now aligned; hers was even a bit higher.
Not wishing to keep her arrested by her hands, he let go of them. They had few places to land, besides falling naturally onto his chest or shoulders, or being pulled intentionally away from him, which would tell him something. His own settled without much conscious thought where it felt right; at the waistline of her dress. It was barely a touch, yet it was so distinctly a breach of their secret protocol that it might make his intentions obvious. The current he had freed would now find its way forward, he could not take it back even if he wanted. "This might be sudden", he said, "but you should know that you are all I see. You have eclipsed anything else. I can not deny that any longer." he heard himself say to her and his voice perhaps betrayed his own surprise and trepidation about the truth of that. And there was nothing else left to say, because he could not say it any more directly. And he moved to rise up towards her, but then something rang in his ears, like a warning bell and he halted in his movement for a second. He looked into her eyes, suddenly unsure what he would find there. If you are looking for the opportune moment to flee, he thought as if she could hear him, it is now. And then, because his heart was already set on it and he was already in motion, he leaned in to kiss her.
