He already knew her answer, then: Callista felt a little sick at his expression and his downcast glance. She was thankful that they were in private, but that was only a small speck of mercy in a distinctly uncomfortable situation.
And she had hoped to say no without bruising his feelings, but was there a way to do that? It had to be a firm enough no to close the conversation on the subject, but she – perhaps selfishly – would have liked to keep him as a friend, somehow. She wasn’t sure that was possible or wise, given her fears; nor if he would want to after she had turned him down. She suspected most people were too proud for that. (Merlin, and people had been whispering lately that he was going to court someone – why had she not seen this coming, even for a second? At least she would have been prepared.)
“I admire you very much,” Callista said quickly, sincerely, before the mortification of her unsaid no could fill the room and congeal in the air. “Truly,” she insisted. “I can see you’re a good man, and am certain you should be a very good partner to someone,” – for in truth it was nothing to do with any flaws in him, but all to do with flaws in her – but she couldn’t undertake to explain them, and the more she danced around her reasons for refusing him, the more damning it might sound. “I just – don’t think that we would – make a very good match.” There were countless other debutantes he could have asked, she thought miserably (she could think of several women, some even present this weekend), who would have been better for him, and who might well have been in a position to say yes.
And she had hoped to say no without bruising his feelings, but was there a way to do that? It had to be a firm enough no to close the conversation on the subject, but she – perhaps selfishly – would have liked to keep him as a friend, somehow. She wasn’t sure that was possible or wise, given her fears; nor if he would want to after she had turned him down. She suspected most people were too proud for that. (Merlin, and people had been whispering lately that he was going to court someone – why had she not seen this coming, even for a second? At least she would have been prepared.)
“I admire you very much,” Callista said quickly, sincerely, before the mortification of her unsaid no could fill the room and congeal in the air. “Truly,” she insisted. “I can see you’re a good man, and am certain you should be a very good partner to someone,” – for in truth it was nothing to do with any flaws in him, but all to do with flaws in her – but she couldn’t undertake to explain them, and the more she danced around her reasons for refusing him, the more damning it might sound. “I just – don’t think that we would – make a very good match.” There were countless other debutantes he could have asked, she thought miserably (she could think of several women, some even present this weekend), who would have been better for him, and who might well have been in a position to say yes.
