It was that look she gave him. Alvin didn't know how to handle that either. He knew she was trying to comfort him, to offer support, but he stubbornly didn't know how to accept it. Alvin had been trying to do the heavy lifting for so long now he didn't know any other way. Men weren't supposed to have these weaknesses. They didn't get weepy over things like careers and failed attempts at revivals, or having their sister come back from the dead.

He was tired of it though, tired of holding things up. Of trying and failing. Everything was a failure it felt like. She didn't know the half of it, but she didn't seem to care about the parts she did know and so Alvin let out a slow breath, holding her gaze. "I know." He repeated the sentiment of earlier. She had been there the almost the entire year, trying to get him to understand just that, but he'd been too caught up in his own head to acknowledge her efforts. "Thank you." Seeing his own faults more clearly was about the only thing he could handle right now. Alvin still didn't know how to let the walls down, but he could see them better now and maybe he'd start working on disassembling them, piece by piece. Because this was hard on her too and he didn't want to add to her stress. She had suffered losses, seemed to be dealing with everything in a far healthier manner than he was and he didn't want to drag her down with him. He had to start clawing his way out again and that was something he had to do on his own. He had to start making some changes.

"I'm sorry I've been difficult." He could own up to his mistakes too, even if he knew it wasn't enough to actually make up for them.