Gus was very aware of the hand clenching his, holding it in place; had Basil’s grip been any looser, he would have pulled his hand back, put it back in his lap or sat on it so the other couldn’t take it. There was something about the way he sighed, the way those grey eyes bored into him that he didn’t really feel like holding his hand. This conversation felt final, a nail in the coffin that was them and he didn’t want to sit here holding his hand pretending that everything was going to be fine and dandy. He wasn’t angry, just numb from the whole ordeal. The past year had been a bitch and he was ready for it to end so he could start anew. Here, there, he wasn’t entirely sure, but putting down roots in Ireland made the idea of staying a little easier.

Blue eyes shifted over as the man started speaking, and his expression softened once Basil apologized. It was nice to know they’d both done and said things they hadn’t meant. Something eased inside his gut as the man tightened his grip, and Gus was pleased he hadn’t pulled away a few moments ago. Tilted his head as he explained his emotions, wondering where he was going for this. He was upset about them them? Well, that didn’t bode well, but if this was the end of the line, the threads finally unraveling to the end, he was almost at peace with that. Gus loved him so much but he didn’t want to be in limbo forever. It wasn’t fair for either of them.

He wasn’t sure how to respond, but it wasn’t like he could just ignore Basil spilling his feelings, so the redhead swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Our present is messy, and I don’t know where we stand. But I like spending time with you, and I’m forever grateful for the time we’ve had together.” It did sound final, even if Gus hadn’t meant it that way — he didn’t want it to be the end. “And I know it’s scary. I’m scared too, about what could happen…” His lips did tip into a small smile because he liked hearing that Basil thought he was positive, and that he had a nice smile. Gus liked his smile too, and the way those adorable little dimples poked into his cheeks when he cheesed too hard.

Basil stood abruptly. Gus let go of his hand until he was being forced to stand up. There he kept his hands down at his side, a sharp breath sounding from him as Basil reached out to stroke his cheek. When was the last time he’d freely touched him like this without Gus initiating it? Couldn’t recall a time. The redhead wanted to lean into his touch, but instead he closed his eyes. It’s not even to just have this. He felt like his heart was slowly being ripped out. Gus wished he’d just get it done with so he could lick his wounds without having to put on a happy face for the man in front of him. Fingers moved to grab ahold of his shirt, and Gus reached out to steady himself on Basil’s shoulders, blue blinking into grey, but the man seemed refused to meet them.

“If you want this, if we want this, we’ll be careful. I promise you Basil, you won’t be fired or go to Azkaban. I’m the Dark Arts professor, I know my unforgivables, and if it comes down to it…” Gus shook his head, not wanting to finish his sentence. “And there’s no whim, Basil. I’m here. I bought this house to put some roots down. I have a nephew I adore. I have friends and family. I love curse breaking, and do I miss it? Absolutely. But are there things more important to me now than when I was eighteen, running away from everything that hurt? Yes.” Grey hues finally found his and they reflected his own, but then again misery always did love company.

“I don’t know how to make you trust me. Or us. Or this. You don’t need to say anything or try, because all I care about is you, Basil.” Gus moved one hand to stroke Basil’s cheek, offering him a tiny smile. “I don’t know either. It’s just a matter of what we want, and if the rewards outweigh the risks.” Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn’t. Gus wasn’t a seer, he couldn’t see the future.

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