You must know that

I hope this letter finds you

I’ve written this letter so many times, I’m afraid I may have to buy a new quill.

I can’t know if it’ll be an unwelcome surprise to hear from me, or a relief. Either way I hope this finds you well. I’ve been in Tuscany for a few weeks so far and I must say its a far more beautiful countryside than I thought I’d ever be fortunate enough to witness. I wish I could show it to you. I’ve sent Penny a few drawings, feel free to ask her to show them to you if you wish. I don’t want to put anything on you that you might feel uncomfortable with.

Of course, I say that with the knowledge that what I’m about to write next might very well be more uncomfortable for you than some measly watercolor sketches.

My feelings have remained unchanged since we last spoke. Please don’t fret — I know yours have not changed either. I only hope to articulate myself better in the hopes it will help us both move onto wherever we will go. I must remain selfish and ask of you to read this completely, then you may do with it whatever you wish.

Despite my reservations, being closed off to everyone after Colin, I never kept anything from you except what was revealed to you in my last letter. In the entire hurricane that has been my life, in the past few years there has been one thing — one person that stayed constant. Everything went away, every trouble, every worry. Elias you made me remember who I was before that heartbreak. Before Colin. There’s nothing that could erase the blight of all that, and yet somehow you seemed to come quite close. I can only thank you for that.

And because you saw who I was after Colin, then you know I will find my way back as I have always done. Please don’t feel as if you’ve signed my death sentence, Elias. I am not the Lady of Shalott cursed for eternity; I refuse to be.

I simply love you and you love someone else. Love is not something that can be forced on anyone. It’s not a blank canvas I can paint on my own or breathe life into. Love means giving someone the power to hurt you and I will never regret giving you that. It did lift my spirits at times when I allowed myself to dream, and I thank you for that. I know you care for me all the same - and that will do. My departure was turbulent for the both of us, but I know once I am far away from this, I will be quite glad that it happened. I will be glad knowing that I left Hogsmeade with all my feelings laid bare and nothing else to hide.

That was quite a lot. I’m afraid my quill has already started to dull and my palms are sweaty – a rare occurrence!

So I’ll leave you with this, and then you may do with this letter what you wish: I wish the very best happiness for you.

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