I. Valentine,

Forgive my rudeness; my patience for the antics of Witch Weekly after they have repeatedly slandered me. I have little idea where they've gotten the impression that I'm "thrice broken"—I have long been considered a spinster and have never had my heart broken.

In my good advice, soliciting through a slanderous tabloid is likely to hurt your reputation, rather than boost it, if you're attempting to make a business out of "matchmaking".

Signed,