There was a pause during which Odessa thought the Hat would announce her House. Then, another question followed. This caused adrenaline to shoot through her body as if she'd been caught doing something wrong. She knew that there were people that the Hat took longer to assess and Odessa seemed to be one of them.
After the initial worry of how that might look to others, she actually felt... happy.
Someone was paying attention to her and not dismissing her quickly. She was used to having this kind of behavior from her elders: they congratulated her on something she'd accomplished, but they didn't actually care.
Her first instinct was to think: "A failure", because she was crippled by the idea of being anything less than perfect. If she wasn't perfect, what was she worth?
The issue ran deeper, though. What Odessa actually feared, deep down in her soul and that she couldn't quite elaborate on being eleven, was that she was afraid of being insignificant; of people not caring about her; of being everyone's second choice; of people not wanting to be around her.
It all boiled down to: "That I am unimportant to them. That I was their second choice and that they merely tolerate my presence."
After the initial worry of how that might look to others, she actually felt... happy.
Someone was paying attention to her and not dismissing her quickly. She was used to having this kind of behavior from her elders: they congratulated her on something she'd accomplished, but they didn't actually care.
Her first instinct was to think: "A failure", because she was crippled by the idea of being anything less than perfect. If she wasn't perfect, what was she worth?
The issue ran deeper, though. What Odessa actually feared, deep down in her soul and that she couldn't quite elaborate on being eleven, was that she was afraid of being insignificant; of people not caring about her; of being everyone's second choice; of people not wanting to be around her.
It all boiled down to: "That I am unimportant to them. That I was their second choice and that they merely tolerate my presence."