February 14th, 1891 - Hogwarts Quidditch Pitch
after this thread
Lester Hatchitt

Can someone just hold me?
Don't fix me, don't try to change a thing
Can someone just know me?
'Cause underneath, I'm broken and it's beautiful

After fleeing the dock, Sloane had managed to stem the tears long enough to run up to her dorm and grab her broom. Nobody would question her if she was gone to the quidditch pitch for a couple hours and didn't turn up for dinner. It wasn't the first time it had happened and she was a scatterbrain normally. Nothing out of the ordinary. The perfect cover.

As soon as her feet hit the grass of the pitch she was in the air, the familiar weightlessness of flight at least gave her something to focus on. It felt like everything around her was crumbling. Things she thought she would have been able to count on for her entire life were slipping away and she didn't know what to do about it. She'd tried to fix it, tried to be rational and give people space, tried talking to them. When one thing seemed to be resolved, something else fell apart. Sisse; then Alice; Calla had picked up on the tension too. Ned and Lester weren't stupid, they knew something was up. Now she and Cam were in limbo too and that pained her the most. Everything boiled down to her and she hated it.

She flew for hours, around and around the pitch until her hands and cheeks were numb. It wasn't quite the escape she was looking for. When she finally came down, she landed hard, legs tired and shaky, so she collapsed right where she was. The tears started again almost immediately. This was stupid, she was not this person. She didn't cry over drama. Sloane had spent most of her life being one of the boys so she could avoid shit like this.

The sun was sinking over the stands, she had certainly missed dinner, but she had no intention of going inside anytime soon. Curling up in her cloak, she drew he knees up to her chest and bawled into the fabric of her (Cam's) scarf.

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He wasn’t looking for Sloane, except that she hadn’t been at the French Club thing or at supper and there were only so many places that she could be. And there were plenty of people who cared about Sloane but he was worried this had something to do with her secret from last month, and he didn’t think anyone else was equipped to handle her.

It was coincidental that he found her first: he was going to check the stadium first and work his way back. But Lester supposed he was lucky, too.

“Sloane?” he called as he came onto the pitch, having come through one of the locker rooms as if he was here to practice for flying club. It was clearly her on the ground, and she was clearly upset if she was hiding here, but if she didn’t want to talk to him he wasn’t going to make her.

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   Sloane Bixby

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set by Fallin!

Shit.

She'd thought she'd have more time to cry out all out before trudging back to the castle and making some excuse to head straight to bed. Leave it to Hatch to know exactly where she was hiding. Quickly she mopped up the tears with her sleeve, though he would know in an instant she'd been crying. "Yeah?" Sloane answered as nonchalantly as she could.

Merlin what was she going to tell him this time? January was long over, unfortunately she had much bigger problems than the memory of her twin brother. Certainly he didn't want her to unload anything what in him either. Hopefully she could get rid of him quickly and finish her pity party in solitude.

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She had definitely been crying. She was maybe even still crying, but Lester was too far away to tell for sure yet. He trotted across the grass until he was only a few feet away from her, the February wind tossing his curls all over the place, his hands gloved and shoved deep into his pockets.

Lester knew it was a stupid question even as he asked it. Still, it was the only thing to ask:

"Are you alright?" She wasn't, she clearly wasn't, and he didn't know why - but if she wanted him to fuck off he would.

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set by Fallin!

If he had any ounce of self-preservation, Hatch would have turned around and walked away. He knew where she was, he knew she was miserable and upset and he should have just turned on his heel and avoided her altogether. Sloane had already returned to her curled up position, trying to control the sobs and failing.

But he was Hatch and that wasn't how he operated.

"No," She said miserably, knowing he was still there, despite the few minutes that had passed since he'd asked. She wasn't okay, but telling him why meant unloading everything that had happened since September and she wasn't sure she was ready for that, nor did she think he really wanted to hear all of it. Not to mention she and Cam had promised not to say anything, and pissed at him though she may be, she hated to break a promise.

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She didn't say anything for a while, and Lester was left standing there, feeling mostly useless.

"What happened?" he asked, when she finally provided the obvious answer.

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set by Fallin!

What happened? Well wasn't that a loaded question? So much had happened, too much, and it was starting to overwhelm her. Sloane desperately wanted to go back to the simplicity of the summer, friends who still liked one another, fun adventures and that was that.

"I ruined everything." Sloane sobbed into her cloak. She squeezed her arms tighter around her legs as a fresh wave of tears spilled out. That was the crutch of it anyway. She had failed to be a good friend, she obviously wasn't doing well at the whole romance thing, she just couldn't figure out which way was up anymore and it was crushing her.

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   Lester Hatchitt

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Okay, that wasn't — well, that wasn't any help at all. Lester wrapped his arms around Sloane in a hug, unable to watch her cry any longer without getting involved. "I'm sure you didn't," Lester said, squeezing her, "Sloane, it'll be fine." Except that he had no idea what she was talking about, and he had never seen her cry like this before, and — well, maybe things were fucking bad.

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   Elsie Kirke

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set by Fallin!

Sloane leaned into Lester automatically, burrowing in, thankful for the contact. He had no idea what he'd done to himself but it was too late now.

"It's all such a mess," She managed, taking a deep breath. Surely he'd noticed that things were tense, Hatch was no idiot. However if Sloane was going to explain, she would have to start at the beginning and it would mean breaking a promise that she never intended to. Ugh, why did this have to be so complicated?!

The tears had slowed a little but indecision filled every bit of her. She needed to get this off her chest, to tell a neutral third party before she exploded, but she wasn't sure she could bring herself to break the promise she'd made to Cam, no matter how angry she was with him at the moment. "I just— I don't know what to do anymore."

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Lester kept his arms wrapped around Sloane because it seemed like the grounding she needed, and because frankly he refused to let go until she had stopped sobbing. ”Okay,” he said, ”We’re okay, it’s going to be okay.” Except — would it? Things had been tense for months and maybe this was it blowing over.

”I want to help,” Lester said, because he did, ”But I’m gonna need you to tell me what’s going on.”

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set by Fallin!

Curling into herself, she felt the loose ends coming unraveled. Lester was too good of a human being, but she just had to or she was going to combust

"It's a lot." She warned him, but it really was too late. It all came pouring out, her fight with Cam about the bracelet: the palm reading mishap and the mutual feelings; getting caught by Sisse; the fight between Cam and Alice; Christmas and finally the fight from today. Everything. She probably missed some minor things, but that was the underlying reasons for all is the tension and drama.

She took a deep shuddering breath, tears flowing, but more quietly. Sloane had expected to feel guilty, but for the first time in a while she finally felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and the overwhelming sense of relief.

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Lester eventually ended the hug, but only because during her whole story he needed to take a step back and bounce on his feet, both to keep the warmth in them and to ensure that he was actually listening to everything Sloane was saying. Which was — it was a lot. It explained a lot, too, why things were weird with Alice and with Cam and had been with Sisse, and why Sloane hadn't come to dinner tonight.

And also this meant that some of Lester's friends had crushes and were aware of their crushes and acted on them, and — he didn't have time to figure that out, either.

He ran a hand through his hair as she finished her explanation. "Okay," Lester said, still trying to wrap his brain around all of it, "All right. You didn't ruin everything, Sloane."

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set by Fallin!

Sloane nearly crumbled again when Hatch let go; he'd been the only thing keeping her together for a moment, but she knew better than to expect him to let her continue to blubber all over him. That was supposed to be Cam's job.

Still, she felt lighter, and marginally better, though her whole body ached from the meltdown. She swiped at the last remaining tears and sighed heavily.

"Of course I did,—" her voice was miserable and hoarse. Bitter even. There were so many things she could have done differently, been smarter about, more careful, but she hadn't. Now, it was slowly becoming more apparent that things might be irreparable and she wasn't sure she could handle that. "I should have just kept my mouth shut, not said anything to Cam, then none of this would have happened." That was the crutch of it really. If she hadn't admitted to having feelings for him, everything would be fine.

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"Sloane," Lester said, and maybe he was not confident in any of the — relationships and kissing and feelings and whatever, but he was confident in this. He took a breath in before he finished the thought. "You're not responsible for other people's feelings, alright? Or their actions. It's not your fault that Alice and Cam are fighting. And if you weren't ready for Cam to say he loved you — well, I'm not convinced I've ever even liked anyone." His face flushed, but he had to continue, now that he'd started. Never mind embarrassing admissions.

"And if it wasn't this, it would have been something else," he added, "It's not all on you."

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   Alice Dawson, Elsie Kirke

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Sloane heard him, she did, and she felt fractionally better, but it didn't absolve any of the guilt she was feeling or make any of this any easier. Whether it was her fault or not (she was unlikely to be convinced otherwise), Cam and Alice were fighting and they were likely never to be friends again. Sloane wasn't sure where she stood with either one of them at the moment either. She'd promised Alice she would give her space, but Cameron, well, he was why she was bawling her eyes out in the middle of the pitch in the first place. He was right about Cam though, she gave him that. She wasn't responsible for his feelings or the fact that he was ahead of her in that aspect of their relationship. Sloane had owned up to her mistakes and her feelings, that was all she could do, everything else, well, that remained to be seen.

"Yeah well, everything is still falling apart and I have no idea how to handle it." She sniffled, mopping up her cheeks with her sleeve once more.  "I'm sorry I just threw all of that on you." She sighed again, heavy and exhausted. "But thanks for listening." Thankfully Hatch was as steady as Ned in that respect. At least neither one of them was throwing her for a loop these days. Everyone else had a go at her recently for one thing or another (except Maddy) and she definitely couldn't handle anyone else being mad at her.

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The following 1 user Likes Sloane Bixby's post:1 user Likes Sloane Bixby's post
   Lester Hatchitt

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"I'm a good listener," Lester said with a little grin, because he was, and because he was trying to get her to crack a smile. "And you don't have to be sorry for telling me anything. That's what friends are for." He was happy to be there for her, because Sloane would be there for him, if he ever got involved in a bunch of drama involving kissing and relationships and people being mad at him. That might be unlikely, because Lester hadn't gotten any crushes yet, but it didn't mean it was impossible.

"Will you walk back to the castle with me? We can keep talking about it, but — it's pretty cold out here." He didn't really make a habit of hanging out outside in Scotland at night in February.

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The following 1 user Likes Lester Hatchitt's post:1 user Likes Lester Hatchitt's post
   Sloane Bixby

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set by Fallin!