November 4, 1888 - Outskirts of the Swallowbury District, Irvingly

For the month that followed the incident with Mr. Delaney Nimiane had been shaken. It felt like her engagement all over again. Hope and love built up on a foundation of lies that could only hope to crumble, like a house built on sand. She had known better and yet she had still dove into it.

What scared her the most was the fact that the three days she had spent with Mr. Delaney had been the happiest that she could ever remember. Happier than her engagement, happier than her stories, happier, even, than her childhood. No amount of stories and writing could take away the knowledge that love of her own was more dear than the love she wrote for a character. She would know, for in the month that had passed she had buried her thoughts in Magdalene's story and had even started several new stories as well. Notes and half written phrases were littered across the writing desk in the parlor and yet it didn’t take away the knowledge that the happiness wasn’t truly there. Had it ever been?

She should have felt more happiness and success in the fact that just yesterday she had sent her final draft of Magdalene's story to her publishers and yet she felt hollowed out of all emotions. Worried about this latest development Nimiane had spent half the night up in her room writing , much to Marli’s disapproval. What sleep Nimiane did manage was restless and full of half formed thoughts and dreams she didn’t wish to dwell on when she woke.

Morning found her taking tea in the sitting room, a cream shawl wrapped around her sage green dress for the chill that had seeped into the room. Her fingertips were stained with ink from the night before and dark circles under her eyes had barely been covered by Marli’s careful hand. It didn’t matter there was no one to see her today anyway. There hadn’t been in a month. It seemed almost useless to have Marli carefully style her hair, but as Nimiane had every day of her life, she had sat still through the morning ministrations. Perhaps what she needed was a walk to the village, the cool air to clear her head and shake this feel of emptiness. Yes, that was what she needed.

Donning her dove gray cloak Nimiane set forth on the path from the cottage that led into the village. Insisting that she should go alone, she was grateful for the solitude. After all, she had nothing to ruin, why take a chaperon any more. Morning fog lingered this far from the village, making it hard for her to notice the shape of someone walking her way. But when she did she froze entirely unsure of what to do, for surely, sure that could not be Mr. Delaney making his way toward her.

  

Shawn had been at a bit of a loss of what to do following his days with Miss Belchant. He's been frustrated, a little bit angry, and even quite confused. He'd felt quite bad rushing away from her after the affects of the amorentia had worn off and he'd hardly left his study as a result. And then there had been Caro. He should have known she wouldn't have let him simply dwell on yet another lost love. If it was even love. He couldn't be sure anymore, especially thanks to the turn of events about the letters. Why would anyone have even thought he needed to be paired with anyone? It almost felt a cruel joke after all he'd been through during his time in Britain.

So he'd thrown himself into his work as he was apt to do. He'd worked tirelessly trying to secure the deals for the new shipyard in London. It didn't matter how hard he worked though, the deals weren't going to be finished in time to leave before the winter seas became an issue. It didn't look as if they'd be spending Christmas in Boston this year after all. Not to mention a certain dark haired beauty kept distracting him by coming back into his thoughts. And during one evening after imbibing a bit much on some bourbon, he found himself in Caro's company and unable to get away from her. She made it quite clear that he needed to pull his head out from the water and do something about the obvious feelings that still seemed to linger. He'd finally gotten her to leave when he said they'd be staying in London through at least the spring and then he'd been left with his own thoughts.

Was there more to what he felt for Miss Belchant?
Had there been a grain of truth to the love tainted letters?
Or was it all just curiosity of what could have been?

It took a few more weeks but Shawn finally decided he needed to at least speak with her. And in person. He needed to apologize, even. Surely she was struggling herself, right? Or maybe she'd forgotten and moved on the moment he'd all but fled from their picnic. He didn't know but he needed to know.

Dressed in a simple black suit with no embellishments, he followed the familiar pathway that lead up to her cottage. He'd forgone flowers this time, unsure if they'd be welcomed or not. He had been rehearsing what he'd say the whole way there, walking a bit slower than usual out of fear and worry for how this interaction was going to go. But then he found himself face to face with the woman that had plagued his thoughts, and even his dreams, since he'd left her a month prior. All words he'd rehearsed in his mind fled him in that very moment as he took the sight of her in.

The morning fog cast an eeriness around her but there was no mistaking the dark hair or big dark eyes staring at him. "Miss Belchant," he said simply, American accent tentative as he regarded her from a close but still respectable distance, "I thought perhaps we might need to talk."

---

  

There was no mistaking the voice, the deep accented tones that had briefly held in their thrall. Despite it all her heart sped up at the simple sound of his voice, thumping nervously in the confines of her chest. “Mr. Delaney.” Nimiane greeted politely, her quiet voice seeming to fill the air between them as his gray eyes regarded her. What ever was he doing here? Nimiane’s mind tumbled and tripped with thoughts as she tried to maintain a demeanor of calm, despite her stomach leaping and her heart’s unsteady beating.

It seemed in impossible that after a month Shawn Delaney would return to her doorstep, for surely that was the only place he could have been headed down this path. He looked almost as haggard as Nimiane felt herself. Lines etched into his forehead and his eyes more gray than blue. Nimiane wasn’t sure what to make of all of this and at his comment she could only nod before remembering herself.

“Certainly.” Her own voice agreed tentatively, barely more than a whisper. They were “Would you like to speak inside?” She added, remembering to make her tone just a tad louder. Trying to remain polite despite her own confusing turmoil. How could she be happy and desolate to see him again? How could hope still build in her chest at the sight of him? There could be nothing more, surely he only wished to speak with her to say she’d never see him again. He could have left well enough alone in that case, she would have understood. But his appearance despite that only made her hope that he was like one of the gentleman in her stories, in the stories of the girl’s she heard and thus left her warring with herself.

  

Shawn nodded, grateful that she was agreeable at least to the idea of talking with him. He was nervous as all get out, fearful she'd have rejected him outright and sent him on his way. He wouldn't have blamed her, not in the slightest. Even if they had been under the influence of such a potent potion, he had still hardly acted the part of a gentleman. And then he'd waited so long to finally come and see her. He was surprised he wasn't being sent on his way with a slap to his face.

"Inside would be nice," he said softly, taking a few steps forward so he wasn't quite so far away but still far enough for propriety sake, "So long as your agreeable. I'll try not to take up too much of your time." He just needed to let her know that while he may have been infatuated with her initially against his will, it didn't change that he still felt a bit of something toward her. What it was exactly, he wasn't sure. Either way, he'd have his say and then be on his way. He didn't want to hold her up from whatever her own plans had been, especially if she didn't have any of the same inklings of feelings for him as he had for her.

---

  

Nimiane’s heart sped up. Her foolish heart. Her heart that knew better. But still it betrayed her with its rapid thumps in her chest as he agreed to come inside. Her breathe even caught in her lungs as he stepped forward. Surges of memories, half buried in her mind, burst forth of him approaching her, his warm hands taking her own and his breath mingling with her own. But he stopped a polite distance away. Trying to collect herself Nimiane gave him a small tentative smile and nod. “Certainly. I have nothing but time.” The words slipped unbidden over her lips and she turned back toward the cottage before he could see the pale pink blush spreading over her cheeks. It was true though. She had nothing but time. That was all that was left of her life in truth, unmarriable as she was. She had her writing and her stories to keep her company, but the hope of something more had sunk in and now she felt the minutes slowly passing her by as if she had had something to use them on but lost it.

She led them back toward the cottage, carefully on the dewey path that lead to the front door. Despite every rational thought in her mind she could not keep her traitorous heart from pounding. Breathe. She reminded herself as she quietly opened the door and led Mr. Delaney into the sitting room where they had first met. Nimiane turned to face him, trying to keep her face neutral, as if her heart and mind weren’t playing tricks on her.

“Will you have time for a cup of coffee?” She asked, still remembering that he preferred coffee to tea. She had made sure that the staff picked it when Mr. Delaney had first told her and they still had some left. Turned out that her butler was overly fond of it. Nimiane still preferred her tea, but she couldn’t offer Mr. Delaney something she knew he did not prefer, no matter what the history was between them.

  

Shawn winced slightly at her words. She likely didn't do it on purpose or even mean to make him feel bad but the mention of having nothing but time hit him in a way he hadn't expected. He felt guilty, that was for sure, and it only seemed to hit home that much harder when he began to imagine how she'd spent all the time it had taken him to finally muster the courage to come and see her. He should have come sooner, should have actually listened to Caro, but he hadn't. And, as a result, he had no idea how badly he may have hurt the woman before her.

He followed her easily enough, knowing the path to the cottage rather well by now. He'd visited plenty during the amorentia hazed days so the path was all but seared in his mind. He was silent the entire time he followed her into her home and into the same sitting room he'd first seen her. He couldn't help but to watch her as they entered, taking note that he still felt the same strong feelings over her beauty even now. He may have initially been prompted by the amorentia but he couldn't deny that she was a rather beautiful woman. Not the typical beauty most would want but he wasn't the typical gentleman either.

He was surprised to hear her offer coffee as he stood near a chair waiting to sit. The surprise was evident in the widening of his eyes as he looked to her. "That would be lovely," he ended up saying, hoping his voice didn't falter or betray his own nerves. Surely the shock of being offered something that she knew he liked would cover any of that.

---

  

At her offer his eyes widened and she gave him a small almost mournful smile. She could chalk it up to all the lessons her mother had once given her on being a proper hostess, but Nimiane knew that it was more because she could not deny the fact she wanted to do something to make this man happy. Despite everything that had happened in those whirlwind three days. She nodded at his acquiescence, “Please, sit.” She gestured to the chair he stood near. “I’ll see if Mrs. Pattington will bring some in.” Before anything further could be said Nimiane slipped out of the room.

The moment she stepped into the hall that led to the kitchen she felt as if she could breathe for a moment. Her thoughts whirled wildly but she pushed them to the side and tried to focus on the current task. Coffee and tea. She could certainly handle that. She’d handled worse conversations over tea before. At least this one wouldn’t include an engagement ending for there had never been one in the first place.

---

Back in the parlor Nimiane gave Mr. Delaney a tentative smile. “It should only be a moment.” How her cook managed to make tea so quickly was something Nimiane could not quite understand. She knew magic was involved, but her own attempts to brew tea seemed to take much longer, granted that likely had to do with the magic.

Nimiane took a seat perched on the couch, letting the silence fall over them. Mr. Delaney had clearly come here to say something, it was only proper that she allow him the time to do so. Nervously Nimiane smoothed a hand over the green satin of her dress, the dark ink on them contrasting in a vivid manner that her mother had always hated. What would her mother have thought of this situation? She'd have told Nimiane to keep her chin up and expect nothing but the best. But what was left to expect in Nimiane's life. She supposed there really was only one thing that Mr. Delaney could want, although why he had waited for a month to do so was something she could not quite understand. Surely this was to tell her that there was absolutely nothing to remain of them. The very thought set Nimiane's traitorous heart thumping again barely concealing the fact that despite the irrationality of it, Nimiane wanted nothing more in that moment then to be wrong.

  

All Shawn was able to do in that brief moment of her asking him to sit and then saying she'd see about getting some coffee brought around was to nod mutely. It wasn't really like him to be without things to say. Though he was far from an overly talkative sort, he still never felt as though he couldn't speak. This was all out of his realm and had him decidedly quite off as a result. It was frustrating but certainly not at any fault of her own. If anything, Miss Bellchant was being the perfect hostess even if their circumstances were rather strained and awkward at the moment. Maybe he really shouldn't have come.

But as he settled in his seat and thought on it all, he knew he had to come. He had to at least let her know, no matter how she might feel, that he hadn't taken those days lightly in his thoughts. Even if they were a bit of a blur, he had enjoyed himself in those days and enjoyed her company. It was, perhaps, the first time he'd actually enjoyed the company of a woman since the days if Imogen. Which was really saying something. It had been years since he'd seen the woman he was supposed to have been married to in that moment. Instead, she was married to another and had a whole brood of children of her own. It had been a hard pill to swallow and one that still stung to even think of. It was also the reason why he'd hardly let himself get comfortable in London. There had been no reason to be there anymore. At least, that had been the case prior to meeting Miss Bellchant and now he was thoroughly confused and unsure of his future.

His thoughts were jarred back to reality as she reentered the parlor and moved to sit on the edge of the couch away from his own chair. Her smile was tentative at best and his own was quite similar as a result. Though he nodded to acknowledge her words, nothing but silence followed as he tried to gather his thoughts. They were erratic in that moment, unsure of where to start or what to really say. This could all go wonderfully or miserably. There was no way of knowing and that made him terrified. It was almost more terrifying than braving the seas during a winter storm.

"Look, Nim-," he paused, unsure if he should even call her by her first name still before correcting himself, "Miss Bellchant, I wanted to talk with you about those three days." Those three quite amazing days. "I hardly acted the part of the gentleman, at least, I'm sure I should have acted in a better manner. But that potion, it had a way of making me act without much thought." And he was beating himself up for that. He had never been the type to force anything on a woman, he'd been raised better than that. And, that was perhaps what worried him most. That he'd taken advantage of her in a moment she couldn't control either.

"I'm not the type of man to force affections or anything on a woman," he continued on, eyes falling to his own hands clasped together in his own lap, "And I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That I hadn't.. hurt you. I'm upset that someone would so willingly risk causing such things, not considering how the fall out could hurt those involved."

---

  

Nim-. Nimiane’s heart leaped at the sound of her Christian name once again crossing her lips. But too soon Mr. Delaney caught himself in the impropriety of such an action. There was no ignoring the disappointment it caused, the small frown that edged at the corners of her lips no matter how impassive she tried to look.

Those three days. So short and yet so much had happened. Nothing improper of course. But enough that Nimiane’s next three months had been affected. That she was fairly certain she would always be affected. She said nothing, allowing him to say his piece.

Mr. Delaney in her mind had acted quite contrary to the picture he painted of those three days. Nimiane would have willingly gone farther, she had faced that fact during those days. But he had gone out of his way to insure that no gossip and nothing truly untoward had happened. Sure, they had shared more unchaperoned moments than likely was appropriate, however, she was of an age where it truly didn’t matter. They’d shared passionate kisses, but nothing truly damaging, unless she faced the damage of her heart.

Cross from her he dropped his eyes down to his lap. Nimiane couldn’t help but trace his profile with her own blue eyes, trying to capture and remember everything of him. Surely this would be the last time she’d see him. His words only enforced her suspicions.

“Rest assured, Mr. Delaney, there shall be no lasting harm.” Nimiane’s tight smile seemed to belie the truth though. Her heartache would continue but no physical harm had been done. She let the silence lay for a moment. But as this was her last chance to see him, she could hardly contain all her thoughts on the subject. “On the contrary, I believe you were quite the gentleman during those three days. You forced me into nothing I did not willing enter into myself.” Potion induced or not, she would still cherish those days. It was a startling revelation to the woman who had spent so much of the last few months trying to forget the days they had shared. “Indeed, you brought more kindness into my life then I’ve seen in years.” She said gently, a small true smile on her lips. If only to assure him that he was not to blame for what had happened. Despite any harm that might still last from it.

  

It was impossible to not notice the front that spread on her features when Shawn corrected his misstep by using her given name. Not matter the experiences they'd shared during that potion induced high, he still didn't have any right to call her by her name. She hadn't exactly given him permission to do so. And, even if she had, it wasn't given freely. Not in the sense that was expected at least.

And as she tried to make matters better by telling him what happened wasn't a concern, he couldn't help but notice the tightness of her smile in the moments before he'd dropped his gaze. It still shouldn't have happened, none of it should have. Someone thought to play cupid and had risked ruining lives. But what was worse was the fact that looking back on it all now, he didn't really mind that it had happened. Had the letters not come to him, he'd likely have never met the woman sitting before him. It was a strange sort of happenstance, one that he was surprised with how happy it had made him.

He glanced up to her at her mention of kindness though he continued to clutch his hands tightly together in his lap. He was sure there was more to her words than what she let on, more than what he actually knew of her past. She'd told him he was a squib, he remembered that much, but he didn't see how that would correlate to not being shown kindness. But, then again, America was like an entirely different world compared to Britain. Propriety was taken to a whole other level of extreme and prejudice was just as bad.

"That's unfortunate to hear," he answered honestly, unable to stop the grimace from forming at the thoughts even if she was smiling back at him again, "Everyone deserves kindness. Especially a lady such as yourself." And that was the truth. She was a gentle soul and he'd seen a great bit of compassion within her from those days spent in such close proximity. If others didn't see that, or refused to, simply because she was lacking magic then they were idiots. The whole lot of them

---

  

A tight smile pulled at her lips, “And yet, it remains the truth.” Nimiane told him with complete honesty. “My world has long since frowned down upon me. You were the first to look past all of it.” She told him, gently. “And you did not frown at me, or balk at the truth of the matter. You didn’t try to push it from sight and forget about it. You embraced it.” Nimiane was surprised how many words tumbled from her, her gentle voice urging him to understand. “That is why there was no harm done.” She told him, laying her hands out to him in a gesture of openness.

Perhaps it was bold of her to betray her thoughts so openly to him, to lay it all bare, yet he had a way of comforting her that it would all be okay. Even without a potion. Oddly, even after it all, even knowing he’d walk out that door when they finished speaking, she still trusted him enough to lay out her innermost thoughts to him.

  

Darkened eyes, something more akin to a storming sea watched her closely as she talked. Shawn was unaware of the tightening hold on his own hands as she continued on. His knuckles were white by the time she'd finished, no matter how kind she was being. He was angry. Not at her, never at her, but over the way she'd been treated. And how it had made her feel. Oh she may put on a calm veneer of not minding but it was obvious it hurt her enough to have stuck in her very person. The fact that he'd been able to look past it all hardly meant anything. Or it shouldn't have. But it meant more than he really thought possible.

"But there is harm done," he started, standing up from his seat to pace toward the window. He hesitated though, not sure if he should go to her or away. "If I leave, if we cut ties, harm will be done," he said, glancing to her with a questioning look to his eyes, "Won't there?"

---

  

Nimiane’s eyes never strayed from Mr. Delaney’s personage as she spoke. She took him in, from the whitening hands to the look in his eyes. Her words were having the very opposite reaction she had hoped for, although Nimiane wasn’t entirely sure what it could be for.

Without a word Mr. Delaney left his chair, stalking toward the window. For a moment it was that first day again, the sunlight pouring in against his dark blue suit, agitation clear in his movements as he stood there with flowers for a woman he had never met. This time his agitation stemmed from something completely different.

If. The word rung in her ears, echoing with the realization that perhaps there was a possibility that he wasn’t here to simply cut ties. If. Nimiane froze. She owed him the truth. “Yes.” Her quiet voice almost seemed to echo between them.

  

Shawn's gaze shifted from hers and moved to focus on the window and beyond. There wasn't much to be seen, not with the remnants of fog from the morning still lingering but it wouldn't last much longer. He could already see broken areas giving a glimpse of the outside world here and there. It gave him something to focus on as he fought the storm of emotions and concerns in his mind.

Her single word answer struck him hard in the chest. If he left, if he stopped speaking with her, he wouldn't be any better than those who had written her off. And though it wasn't that he wanted to cut ties, it was that he should. She already struggled enough in the eyes of society, they'd already made a mockery of her he was sure. Being tied to him, well, it would likely only get worse. He was an American. A middle class merchant, perhaps wealthy enough in time to move up, but that was mostly at the hands of his family. Not him.

No, Shawn Delaney was a sailor at best. At least, that's what he was deep down. He was used to life at sea, almost as if the salt water ran through his very veins. She was anything but the sort. And should things work, should things even have a chance to progress into something more, he couldn't take her from the comfortable life she had and he couldn't very well spend forever on land. But he couldn't deny the desire and want to remain by her for a time just to see. Perhaps a shattered heart wasn't the end of the world.

Looking back to her, eyes still stormy with questions and a mixture of concern and worry creased over his features, he took a small step in her direction. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked, bluntly and mostly theoretically. It wasn't as if he could physically stay there, not for too long of a time at least but he had a feel she'd understand what his words actually meant.

---

  

At her admission Mr. Delaney remained quiet. She counted the seconds in each thump of her heart. But she would not, could not, keep the truth from him. No matter what he decided she would not blame him for it. She’d survived heartbreak before, she would again. She was stronger than she looked, it was a simple truth she had learned. As she waited her hands shook in her lap, she folded them together to try and still them, try to appear calm.

Finally he turned from the window, eyes gray and brooding. She read the emotions on his face, surprised by them. But what shocked her more were his words. Nimiane’s dark blue eyes widened. “I can not deny that I would.” Nimiane started, her emotions swirling. “But I would not want you to stay out of a sense of duty for what happened, or because you wish to prevent any further harm to me.” That would be a fate much worse than heartbreak, to know the man before her, a man she was realizing she had the potential to truly love, was only with her because of a sense of duty. “I am stronger than I appear, Mr. Delaney.” She added, her words quiet but firm. She would not live a life of duty, she had long ago turned from that path.

  

Shawn stood silent as she spoke, darkened eyes focused solely on her. He let the words sink in. And though she spoke quietly, as she was apt to do, her tone allowed for no misunderstanding. She may look to be the timid sort of maid but there was a bite to her, he was well aware. He couldn't help the slight flicker of a smirk at the thought. She reminded him very much of Caro though in a more poised and mature sort of way. Caro could be blunt and a bit bold but she still toed the lines of propriety from time to time. He didn't think Nimiane toed those lines all that often. Though, she seemed to keep to herself more often than not so perhaps that was what prevented her from really toeing those lines.

But it was the final remark that really sunk in to him. He stepped toward her then and, without much thought, took her hands into his and pulled her up in one swift movement. One hand slipped from hers and slid around her waist to pull her bodily against him as he pressed his lips against her own. It wasn't the proper thing to do in the slightest, he knew that, but it would speak more than anything he could possibly manage to say.

---