Cassian was known for his temper, though this wasn’t it. The temperamental outbursts were sudden, unthinking, hazy to memory as his body acted reflexively. This anger, if you could call it that, was decidedly different; cold, controlled, pointed. From the way Vince flinched, to their closeness, to the way his hand grasped at his wrist as though to shove him off – the combination gave his libido a strange stir. Another level of darkness they’d uncovered together, perhaps. Whatever Vincent helped Cass expose this weekend, he was peeling away every layer of it now. But this foreign sense of pleasure gained from the feeling of dominance was something that, for his own sake, Cass needed to push to the far corner of his mind. Something to unpack alone one day.

Instead the blonde appreciated their locked gaze for a moment, tilting his head slightly at the way the other licked his lips and looked at him with desire made plain even in the dim bedroom. He was addicted to Cass– while Cass increasingly fought against his own dependency. It frustrated him to no end, that he had to be the bigger person. The one to recognize this for what it was, to be the one who rationalized, to put a stop to it. It was clear nothing he said really sank in with Vince, too far beyond the path of coming back from his addiction.

Cass hadn’t meant for this to be a test - though his expression darkened at Vince’s breathy laugh, and he could not help the soft growl that escaped his throat in response. He thinks this is all some game. Cass couldn’t fathom what it might take for him to understand that these terms needed to exist for a reason — else he will lose complete control.

As though reading Vincent’s thoughts, Cassian lingered away from his mouth even after he readily agreed. Eventually, Cass dropped the hand that had been touching Vince’s face to the bed on one side of his head, letting him lean over to ghost his lips against the cheekbone he’d just touched.

“We said that was the last time. Don’t you think this sends a mixed message? Are you telling me you don’t care?” he muttered against Vince’s skin. With his free hand, Cass moved to gently thread his fingers into the other’s curls – slightly damp still from washing up. He tugged, wanting to angle his head to the left where Cass could more easily move his lips from cheek to his ear. “I’m saying that I want you to control your impulses. You said I can ask you to jump and you’d fly. You promised you’d do what I wanted. And I want you to stop these games…” No little flirts. No goading. No… sitting together on a bed. A stupid, naive part of Cassian thought that if he could somehow train Vince to know he could just ask for things when his need became… untenable, then they could control it. But this— the tease, the surprises– there was no controlling what happened from there. There posed far too much risk.

“Vince, I can’t be the only one between us resisting temptation, then this won’t work…” His hard voice wilted to something closer to anguish, and his lips landing as a gentle kiss on the spot just below his ear where his jawline met the curve of his neck.

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Vincent Iago

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eyecandy by fox<3

And so here they were again, trotting along the endless hamster wheel that was this untenable dance Cassian insisted was not right, but couldn’t seem to help bringing up anyway. It wasn’t fair, really, to say no and then continue to rub it in, but Vincent was just glad they were still talking about this. A shut door would in so many ways be infinitely more painful. (And infinitely healthier, but that was not in Vince’s nature.) Instead, the Slytherin reveled in the notion that Cass was reacting to him, living proof that this was not a one-sided attraction. His manner could be a little more decorous, sure, but he certainly couldn’t claim plausible deniability anymore. Neither of them could.

Squirming as Cassian tilted his head further back, Vince’s breath hitched a little. He found a small part of himself much too content to have the big blonde dominate him and it wasn’t something Vince was ready to face in this particular moment. They were still sorting through too much else for the power dynamic to be fair, and yet… he didn’t resist as much as he should have.

At the other’s words, Vince felt a sigh bubble up but he didn’t release it, instead determined to frown. Why was Cassian making this so difficult! His meaning was clear, his tone a warning; Vincent had definitely failed some kind of unfair test and the Slytherin couldn’t bring himself to regret it even for a moment. Cassian had to know he would never be the one to back down, when propositioned. He was not the one who wanted to stifle this.

“I am controlling myself, Cassian,” he hummed gently. It was not meant to be a slap, only a statement of fact, and he hoped the honesty in his expression proved as much. “I will never be the one to turn you away when you ask for something I desperately—” need, his mind supplied. Vince licked his lips again, brow furrowed. Better not go down that path. “I am not intending to tease you,” he continued. Anymore. The Slytherin pushed gently against the other's hold, hoping this might be easier to sort out if there was some matter of space between them. “I am trying you know…”

The bleating note of desperation in his voice was unmistakable and Vincent regretted it immediately. He didn’t want to expose his weakness to Cassian, how hard it was for him too. He was supposed to be the one who was in control of himself here, even if Cass didn’t believe it.

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Cassian Valenduris

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i desire very little but the things i do consume me

Just like that, they were back where they started. With the world closing in on everything else but the two of them, and Cassian utterly thoughtless as he drank in every movement and noise Vince made. That hitch in his breath did unimaginable things to his body. A part of him knew this wasn’t fair. Not fair to his friend, to be treated so roughly in response to some innocent teasing (even though he said he didn’t intend to tease – Cass knew he had to, because he calculated every word that left his lips). That same small part of Cass knew it made no sense - his urge to hurt Vince terribly for the things he’s taught him about himself. Things that were, apparently, in him all along.

The blonde scoffed at Vincent’s suggestion that he was controlling himself, that he was trying (what happens when he stopped doing even that? Cass didn’t want to wonder). Instead his lips found Vince’s pulsebeat at his neck, which he covered in an open-mouthed kiss. Eventually his hands left Vince’s hair to cup the back of his head, his other hand grabbing handfuls of bed linens. He kept kissing him, but there was true ire behind his motions now; it made the Gryffindor angry and biting and dominating as he continued, deaf to if there were any signals of protest. Eventually his mouth needily found the other’s mouth again and he didn’t even care. For his body thrummed with pleasure and it goaded him on. A strangled-sounding groan of desire left his throat to get muffled against Vince’s tongue. He could taste the dessert he just had. He was hard again, pressing his body up against Vince again, feeling that white-hot heat searing him from the inside out again…

“Fucking hell,” as though struck by lightening, Cass abruptly disentangled himself and pulled away. He shifted back to a seat on the side of the bed next to Vince, feet planted firmly on the ground as though it could anchor him in a different reality. Fucking hell. He started this one, through and through. Vince only used words, but it was Cass that took action to bring them into unsafe territory again. The realization twinged his face pink, expression contorted in bafflement. How could this happen? How could he let it?

The young man dragged his fingers through his hair, combing it back in stress as he tried to determine what he should do. Clearly though, he’d done enough. He could still feel Vince on his lips.

“I’m… I’m sorry. Maybe I should go,” he finally said, voice hollow in the dim room.

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eyecandy by fox<3

Vince was surprised when Cass all but ignored his being reasonable and decided to kiss him instead. It was different this time, angrier maybe, and the Slytherin felt himself wince a little at the thought. Sure the sensation of Cass overtop of him, completely in control, was unlike anything he’d quite managed yet but… anger? He didn’t trust it. Not this late, not this far in, not… not like this. He mewled a pathetic little sound then, but Cass didn’t seem to hear it and for a moment Vince’s blood ran cold.

“Cass wait—” Interrupted by the other’s lips on his own, Vince felt his brain spin. He could tell Cass was getting worked up, both emotionally and physically. It was the best and worst of the big Gryffindor all in one. Vince wasn’t scared of him; he trusted Cass implicitly, but in the same token— the dangerous little thrill against his spine was a warning yet. Arms struggling between shoving Cass off and tugging him closer, Vincent felt the other work against him and he bit sharply into Cass’ lower lip to get the other’s attention. This was no shark frenzy he could just block out! The thrill of that bite was exciting. Body reacting needily, Vince laced his fingers into the other’s lapels and was once again surprised as Cass abruptly pulled away. He growled loudly in impatience and slammed a hand into the bed. “Bloody hell Cass!”

Panting a little, both out of arousal and frustration, Vincent watched as the other tugged away from him and sat upright. They were quiet a minute, both trying to regain what they could of their emotional state. Around them the silence of the bedroom was stifling and Vince tried to swallow his frustration down even as Cass broke it and offered to leave. No! Vince knew if the other left like this, put out and both of them flustered, tomorrow would be abstractly terrible. It was already shaping up to be a difficult day, what with their trek back to Hogwarts and the awkwardness of this hanging over them. Vince wanted to make sure they forced whatever sense of normalcy they could manage before then.

“No,” He said decisively, if a little authoritatively. “Just…” he frowned and decided to take action.

Moving the tray of desserts out of the way, Vince set it aside on the night-table. Then, tugging Cassian towards him again, Vince pressed the other gently into the bed. He gave the big blonde a pat on the shoulder and then reached over him to open the window. Outside, the deafening sound of crickets still chirping away entered the room like a cacophony of noise. Vince gave the blonde a quick glance and then slid himself off the bed.

Crossing the room, he dug around in the dresser for something. Finding a blanket, he moved over towards Cass and threw it over him, tucking the other in carefully. Then, he sat atop the blanket pointedly and offered a sheepish little grin. “There,” Vince proclaimed, scratching the back of his head. “You can sleep under the blanket and I’ll sleep on top of it. No rule breaking.” He offered Cass a genuine little grin. It faded then as he resisted the urge to brush the blonde’s hair back from his face.

“Just… stay,” Vince whispered into the relative silence. “Please.” Moving to lay back, feet towards Cass’ head, Vince stared up at the ceiling and tucked his hands behind his head. “Tell me about your classes this year,” he demanded. “What NEWTs did you end up signing up for?” He already knew, but talking about it had to be better than dwelling on this right?

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Cassian Valenduris

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i desire very little but the things i do consume me

It felt like a ton of lead hung off a chain around his throat; he wished it were real so that it might just kill him. Surely this would be easier than the sense of guilt and shame that squeezed his lungs out breathless. But when darkness never came, Cassian kept his gaze fixed on his knees. He could not bring himself to face what he’d done. The way Vince’s voice broke in frustration was enough to tell him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he abstractly placed the taste of blood. Had he reopened Vince’s cut, or was this a new one?

When Vince vehemently disagreed – the strongest words he’d spoken since their fight in the study – Cassian’s head snapped up to him in shock, an impulse he regretted. There he found everything he’d been afraid of. The Slytherin’s expression wasn’t hard to decipher, there Cass saw anger. Pain. Sadness. He was responsible for putting it there.

More impossible to understand was what Vince wanted. What he could possibly hope to gain, from keeping him around.

“Vince…” he started warily, wanting to tell him this was no use. Nothing could fix them. They could not be saved. But the Slytherin moved smoothly around him, affectionately setting him back against the bed, throwing open the window to let in a gentle breeze. Words failed him as he watched Vince find a blanket. Blue eyes gazed up at him, curious, worried, confused. Though no words. He’d said enough – and Vince looked happy.

Imagine. Happiness in the face of your supposed friend’s worst abuse.

Cassian’s chest ached, and as Vince settled across from him he pushed his head back into the pillow to stare up at the ceiling and dissuade the pinpricks he felt at the corners of his eyes. He felt… exhausted. Defeated. Adrift at sea again, no matter what his beacon said about rule breaking. I need to stop hurting him like this. This cannot continue. This back and forth. This is insanity…

Tomorrow. He would put an end to all of this… tomorrow. Maybe even once they wake, the high tide of dreamless sleep might have washed this all away. And his feelings will disappear. He will never act on them again. Then. They will drift apart… slowly, never completely. Enough to soften the edge. Enough to remember the fondest moments, and relieve a laugh or two. In private, Cassian will think about the tender way Vince tucked him in, the soft and sweet look he leveled after promising no rule-breaking.

“Um,” he started, voice cracking a little as he spoke to the ceiling. “Defense Against Dark Arts. Charms. Herbology. Care of Magical Creatures. Ah… Transfiguration. Potions, if you can fucking believe it.” He scoffed, mock-laughing at their running jokes over his worst subject. “Apparently I turned into an optimist over the summer. How about you?”

Cassian listened. They traded idle talk this way for some time, offhand comments on which students would kick all their asses, which ones they should sit next to for copying notes, the quirks of their professors, complaints about homework, bets on who could do what. In time, Cassian’s keyed-up heart rate subsided. His tension melted into the mattress, muscles slacked, he didn’t even notice as his foot fell to the side and toes brushed Vince’s waist. The barrier worked. The drone of crickets rang through the room like a lullaby.

“...I’m sorry,” Cassian mumbled eventually into the darkness after quite some time. Sleepiness already started to fold itself over his brain like cotton. He wasn’t really sure what he was referring to, or even what he was saying, or why. But it felt important. It felt like the most important thing he said all night. “Vince… I’m sorry for everything.”

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eyecandy by fox<3

As the sound of Cass’ voice filled the quiet room, Vince listened intently to his friend’s schedule. They shared most of the same classes with one notable exception: Vince had decided to take Arithmancy again this year. He teased the big blonde about Potions, as was their way, knowing full well just because Cassian was a Valenduris did not mean he was any good at all, and they laughed together in a way that almost made things feel normal again. Almost.

As they settled into an easy silence, sleep finally beckoned. Vince felt green hues slide closed and he listened half-heartedly to see if Cass would say anything more. He was quite ready for bed now, thank you, and he endeavored to say nothing else unless Cass did first. He was just settling into the grasp of slumber when Cass did finally break the silence, and it was with sleep heavy on his lids that green eyes reopened.

Vince was silent as Cass’ apology lingered between them. He… wasn’t sure what to do with it really. On the one hand, it would be blatantly disingenuine to say something banal like “it’s alright.” Both of them knew it wasn’t and he wouldn’t insult Cassian - or himself - by pretending. On the other hand, bringing everything up again seemed counterintuitive to their efforts at normalcy. Deciding to nudge Cass in the shoulder with his toe, Vince offered his friend a sleepy little smile. Part of him wanted to curl up and snuggle into the crook between Cass’ shoulder and neck, burying his face there. The more keenly self-preservative part of him knew better than to try. Instead, Vince decided to meet halfway.

Shifting from his place by Cass’ feet, the Slytherin squirmed so that he could lay with his head on Cass’ stomach over the blanket. He didn’t have a pillow down at the other end of the bed, and this was not an unfamiliar position for one or both of them to adopt occasionally. Especially when they’d read things together on the grounds at Hogwarts. Vince let out a content little sigh. “Good night Cass,” he whispered into the quiet room. He hoped after all this, that it finally would be.

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Cassian Valenduris

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i desire very little but the things i do consume me